Every community, be it online or in real life, has it's creeps!

Creeps arent evil per se. They can be law-abiding, solid citizens, and generous to their friends. They can support the right causes and help the needy. But when it comes to day-to-day interactions with other people, creeps come up morally short. Creephood is not only a personality flaw but a moral defect.
What makes someone a creep? A schmuck? What is the creep's moral problem? Can you be a creep if you know you are one? What are the telltale creep characteristics? We cant adequately answer any of these questions without some theoretical investigation. Their is a philosophy of creephood.

The Philosophy of Creephood.

The key to the creep is his self-centered obliviousness.
Our assessment of our physical attributes and personality traits depend on how other people see us. We perceive ourselves as attractive, entertaining, considerate, friendly, ugly, mean, beligerant, or boring if, and only if, other people see us that way. Our dependance on the evaluations of others makes all of us at least a little insecure.
If you're even minimally objective, you have a fairly good idea of how others perceive you. You try to align your self-image and behaviour with your public image; you won't volunteer to MC the next awards ceremony if you know that people consider you a terrible speaker. To discover your public image, you monitor the impression you make on other people. We do this all the time, subtly as a matter of course.
Not the creep. He's too self-centred to notice his audience, and when he does he misinterprets its response. He reads his audience as he wants to read it. The creep thinks he's another Billy Connoly with a riotious sense of humour, while everyone else considers him a tedious jackass. He regards himself as the spiffiest of dressers to have ever sauntered into a room, when, in truth, everyone else finds it alarming that a civilised adult could have such awful taste. The creep doesnt understand the difference between being clever and being obnoxious. He confuses charm with smarminess, confidence with arrogance, vivacity with plain loudness. The creep is too self-absorbed to bother with these distinctions. That's why creeps dont know they are creeps. If they were more self-aware, rather than self-absorbed, they wouldnt be creeps in the first place.
This failure to read the audience also explains why creeps tend to be men. Women, in our culture, and probably in all cultures, are far more aware of other people's judgements than men are; rare is the woman who is oblivious to other people. (Whether the reason for this is biological or cultural is an issue best addressed elsewhere.) We have many nasty names for annoying women, but creep isnt one of them. Creephood, like stuttering, colour-blindness and baldness, is predominantly a male characteristic.

The Creep's Moral Problem.

The creep isnt violent, but he is continually offensive. He may not lie outright, but he often slightly bends the truth to his advantage. He doesnt berate you directly, but he always manages to insult you. You know when you become annoyed every time you deal with someone, despite the fact they dont seem to be trying to annoy you? You're dealing with a creep. Creeps are stingy with their compassion and empathy. They wont make the small gesture that makes another person feel better about themself. They wont make the tiny sacrifice that saves another person a great deal. The underlying moral defect of the creep is his lack of respect for other people. A pervasive inconsiderateness is the result. This disrespect becomes clear when you look at the way creeps operate: how they talk, their opinions of themselves and everyone else.

The Traits of Creephood.

Creeps are rarely the silent type. They're far too self-centred to deprive themself of the music of their own voice. When they do communicate, the creep mannerisms emerge unmistakably.
Creeps begin their sentences with "You see" and end their sentences with "do you follow?" The creep thinks that what he has to say is so profound that he must ascertain whether you, mere mortal, can comprehend his brilliant remarks.
Creeps ask questions with the hope and expectation that you'll ask them the same question in return. The creep asks his victim, "Have you ever seen a bullfight?" "Have you ever been to Japan?" "Have you ever fucked three women in a jacuzzi at midnight?" You answer, "No, have you?" Funny you should ask. The creep gleefully reports on his bullfight/Japanese/Jacuzzi experience. Your job is simple: Sit back and be impressed. This is a hard one to avoid. You sense that it would be rude not to play along by returning the question. You also figuire that the creep wtill recount his adventures whether he is asked to or not. You're probably right.
"You think YOU'VE got problems? Listen to this." The moral insensitivity of the creep is most obvious when you talk to him about your concerns. You tell him about this terrific pain in your back and how you havent slept in nights. The doctor cant figuire out how to treat it. You could do with some sympathy. The creep listens to you for about 10 seconds. "Yeah, I understand," he begins promisingly, but your turn is over. For the next twenty minutes he's off and running about how awful his back was last year and how he dealt with it. For him, your backache has long since faded away.
The creep cant, or wont, remain focussed on anyone other than himself. Its not only your problems he refuses to discuss. He does the same with the positive stuff. You enthusiastically tell him the good news about the project you've been working on and how much it means to you. It means nothing to the creep. He quickly turns the conversation into a lecture on what you've done wrong. He tells you how he, the master, would have dealt with the situation better.
The creep doesnt realise how boring these arguments are, and he also doesnt realise how deadly boring he is as a result. Unfortunately many a creep has the rhetorical skills to draw you into his shadow-boxing performance; you waste a lot of time before realising that, like it or not, you've been taken for a ride on his ego-trip.
Creeps adorn their sentences with particularly insufferable verbiage. The creep delights in annoyingly long pauses, in all ways they communicate. He begins his sentences with caveats: "You're point's well taken but..." or "I would be inclined to say..." Inclined to say? He just said it.
Creeps are relentless name droppers. This famous guy was his friend and that famous woman was in his class, and this star is a business associate. He'll tell you out of the blue. The creep, if he has intellectual pretensions, will allude to names in art, history, culture - anything to show his erudition. Half the time the reference is irrelevant and the other half it's wrong.
Creeps talk to people as if they werent there. This is an especially obnoxious creep habit. The creep uses you to talk to another person. Three of you are together: the creep, you, and his wife. He turns to you and says, "You know what her problem is? She never reads a newspaper and then she wonders why she doesnt know what's going on in the world." Hey, the woman is right there in front of you. Why not try addressing her directly rather than talking to you about it in front of her? You feel extremely uncomfortable, but the creep couldnt care less. Creeps treat people as objects.
Creeps offer a running commentary on everything. You're discussing Claudine's new kitchen. You're in the middle of recounting her conversation with the contractor. The creep, out of the blue, pipes up: "I think the whole contracting business is a fraud." Thank you. May I continue? But that's the way it will go all afternoon. No one is canvassing for his opinions, but you'll get the creep's judgements whether you want them or not. You're discussing your boyfriend's new haircut with your best friend. Your best friend says that he looks handsome. The creep, after sitting in mute silence, pipes up: "I'm handsome." The creep personalizes every issue. He feels obliged to offer his endless opinions on the universe and himself as you suffer in polite silence.

Creep Attitudes

Creeps own the best. If the creep owns it, it must be the best. His stereo is the finest available. His car is the best for the money. He doesnt own a car? Then owning a car is a stupid nuisance. His computer, his cigar, his running shoes, his guitar - there is none better to be had. Yours? Inferior merchandise, of course.
Creeps do the best. The creep flies planes. Conclusion: Flying planes is the most exhilirating sport in the world. He scuba dives? Then, of course, scuba diving is the supreme activity. His children are raised in the most intelligent way and his route to London is the quickest. After all, the creep always does it best.
Creeps know the best. Creeps have the most refined taste in women, wine, and song. If you dont believe it, just ask them. If the creep likes modern art, then only the philistine doesnt; if he doesnt, then only the fools do.
Creeps think they're hilarious. Creeps are convinced that they have a sensational sense of humour. Unfortunately, for all of us, they insist on showing it off. For the creep, all the world's a stage and he is the only performer who counts. It isnt just the inferiority of his jokes or humour in general that's so annoying. The delivery, too, can drive you up the Eiffel Tower. Somehow his mirth always seems forced, as if he feels obliged to demonstrate the proper reaction to his wit.

A creep thinks everyone likes him, yet everyone else realises that no-one does. People gossip freely behind a creep's back, without the slightest feeling of wrong-doing, because they have all been continually annoyed by him. It's worth remembering the main reason creephood exists - that of a lack of self-awareness and obliviousness to other people's real reactions. The creep will take any reaction and mould it to boost his ego further. His work colleague is acting unfriendly? The creep automatically assumes that it's because his work colleague is jealous. An attractive female is snubbing him? The creep assumes that it's because she is hurt over him not approaching her sooner or not being available. The creep will twist everything in his world to suit himself, with little regard for accuracy. That's what seperates the creep from the rest of us - the rest of us are concerned with how other's perceive us, whereas the creep is obnoxiously unawares.

By Lukas clone on Monday, November 26, 2001 - 09:51 am:

Someone must be really obsessive and jealous to write all this shit about me.

By Lukas on Monday, November 26, 2001 - 07:18 pm:

Ow

By Fried Butter on Monday, November 26, 2001 - 08:02 pm:

It sounds exactly like me too, so who ever wrote it was full of bollox saying it was the domain of boys only.

By BC Cloner on Monday, November 26, 2001 - 08:16 pm:

NOTE: The Cloner that was in BC today did NOT post in this thread
as Lukas or anybody else. I repeat. Did NOT.
Or has ever. Thank you. I would have worded it differently.