Eeee, aaa, chucks! Welcome to this weeks BC BLIND DATE!

[applause]

Well, let go straight across and meet our three lovely contenstants for round one. Aren't they gorgeous girls?!?

[cheers]

Well hello contestant number 1, what's your name and where do you come from?

My name is R~S~P and I'm from scarborough!

oooo, tell me more!!!

I'm 19 and i'm a student.

oooo, well girls, what do you think?

[cheers]

And contestant number 2?

My name is Si and I'm from brighton!

That's all we need to know thank you.... (raise eyebrow at girls)
And contestant number 3?

mi name is andy1 and im form peterborough!

And tell me a bit about yourself!

well i tipe dead nasty but like i talk sence sometime ZOMBIENATIONDAVEPIERCE

ooooo, you such a funny one aren't you chuck!
Well girls, let's see what you think?

[cheers]

Right guys, see you in a tick. Let's meet the lucky girl who's going to be going on a date with one of those lovely men! Come in.... Tich!

[applause with wolf whistles]

Hi cilla.

Hello chuck, tell me a bit about yourself...

Well, I'm 16 and I go to college in essex!

An essex girl eh chuck?

[sniggers from the audience]

ok then tich, lets here your first question!

Right, my first question to contestant number one: If I were to meet you in a dark alley at night and asked you the way to a motel, what would you say to me?

I'd say, sorry, I'm new in this area as well and I'm also looking for a bed for the night, maybe we could go seach for a motel together?

[audience goes ooooooooo]

And the same question to number two...

Well, vicki, for a start if it had anything to do with me you wouldn't be walking alone late at night in the first place. I'd make sure you were inside before a nice warm fire, with just me and a tub of hagen daaz for company

[audience goes mmmmmmmmm]

And finally that question to number three....

id vicki say you wanna try n takedon me flies and jerk me with just your toes or somethin lick that

[audience sits in an uncomfortable silence]

Ok, my second question to number two: If you were to cook me any dish for a dinner, what would it be and why?

Well, I'd cook us up a nice succulent roast chicken. I'm not sure why but I'd fancy a bit of legs and breast....

[audience goes ahhhhhh]

And that question to number three?

well vicki id noty cook you diner cos that wood be ur job as ur the woman

[audience goes boooooo]

And finally that question to number one.

Well, vicki, I think I'd just order an indian to give us more time to do other more interesting things....

[audience goes aaaaye?]

And my last question to number three: What do you think of blur?

blur are shite davepierce is the king and ZOMBIE NATION just makes me come at the thort of it!!!!!!!11

[audience sits in silence as number three rubs his crotch]

And that question to number one?

I like most music but I'm not into blur all that much. I just chat on blurchat for the high quality of conversation.

[audience nods apreciatively]

Ok then, that question to number two.

Well, I think blur just rock. After most bands have disappeared into obscurity or survive only on a repetative musical formula, blur keep doing it again and again with something surprising every time.

[audience cheers]

Eeeee, well chuck, who's it going to be? Let's ask graham to remind you of each boy's finer points!!!

Well, vicki, you could go for number one: a nice chap who seems to know what yo want before you do yourself, he's willing to spend a bit on you though it think it may be that he's always willing to give you a shag to the detriment of all else. I dunno.
Or maybe you could pick number two: he seems to be a bit over protective but he'll get your juices flowing as he sample's your legs and breast and he may even share your taste in music. That is, if you like blur yourself, but why else would you ask that last question?
Or maybe you'd like to go for number three: unlike number two, this one's taste is mostly for your feet, though he'd have to ask you while he's in the kitchen because he probably wouldn't let you go anywhere else.

[audience sniggers and then cheers as it sees the "applause" sign light up]

Well, thanks a bunch for that rundoown , graham, you're as subtle as ever tonight I see...
Ok vicki chuck, who's it going to be? Who's the lucky guy tonight??!?

Well, I thought number one was sweet, and nuber two sort of sounded sexy, but I think tonight I'm going to pick.... Number three!!!

[audience sits in shocked silence until the ushers come around with cattle prods to get them to cheer]

well, who would ave thought it, eh? well chuck, let's see those guys you turned down! Here's number one!

mmmmmmm...

[audience laugh at R~S~P's grimace as tich kisses him on the cheek]

And here's the second unlucky one, number two!!

mmmmmmm....

[audience laugh at Si's attempt to kiss tich on the lips]

Ok ckuck, are you ready to meet your blind date???

I'm as ready as I ever will be, cilla!

Ok, come on in, number three!!!

mmmmmmm.... ARGH!

what is it chuck?

That's andy1 from blurchat!!!

hello vicki long time

Do you two chucks know each other?

Yes, he once asked me to.....

can i hav ur mobile no now

Well, chucks, let's pick a envelope!!!

Um, this one?

watever

Ok, lets see what it is shall we chucks?!? Ok... you two are going to London! You'll be spending the night in a prefab house with lots of activities and wildlife. There's hottubs, unicycles, chickens, and assult course and ofcourse, your very own microphone each! Well, what do you think?

I, um, well cilla....

yeah cool im licking it alredy!!!!1

Ok, chuck, we'll see you next week when you tell us all about your BLIND DATE!!!

[cheers as vicki and andy1 walk off the set]

vicki do you no wat felching is....?

Ok now chucks, last week we had a very special couple go on a date to the island of jersey. Lets meet last weeks winners..... Liam and Nate!!!

[cheers]

Hi guys, first, before you say anything, lets see what you've been getting up to on your blind date!!!

[footage of liam and nate windsurfing, making pottery and eating together. audience laugh as liam sinks his surfboard, liam try to get nate to act out _that_ scene fron Ghost with him while making a jug and nate and liam both vomiting into their soup bowls]

Well, it seems you had soo much fun chucks. Now let's hear what you really thought of each other.....

Well, as much as liam is a nice guy and all that, I only entered the first homosexual blind date as a bet. I've actually got a girlfriend and have no intention of seeing liam again as soon as the camera is off me.

[audience gasp]

Well, I think nate is the nicest guy I've ever met. I really think he could be the one for me. I haven't told him yet but the way he touches me, well, it just send shivers down my spine!!!

[audience go aaawwwwww]

When Liam chose me I really shit my pants. The last thing I wanted to do was go on holiday with a raving nymphomaniac homo. But then, I won my bet which i'll use my winnings to pay liam to keep quiet...

[audience snigger]

When I chose nate and he walked around the partition I knew that it was a turning point in my life. From then on I just knew everything will be different!!!

[audience think this is hilarious]

Ok chucks, you just saw what you think of each other on film. Now, here in the studio, lets hear whet you have to say _to each other_!!!

I, um, well, I er.... nate said he was, well, gay and he....

I never said that you little piece of shit. I never said any different though, as I've got a lot of money riding on this.

Well what about that time together in the sauna. You let me rub your back down and when I started feeling your bottom you didn't mind in the slightest?!?!

Shh! I was, um, drunk or something...

No you weren't. And after that when we made love you said it was the best you'd ever had!!!

No. That didn't happen. It never did.

It did!!!

Never!!!

Well chucks, it seems that we can find out the truth right here and now. One of you left your mics on and we picked up this recording:

Ohhhhh... uhhhhhh.... ooooooo.... uuuuuhhhh.... liam, just.... there..... ooooo,..... uhhhh.... now..... now?.... yes... ARGH! UMPH!...... phew.... that was the best I've evr had... thanks....

Well chucks, what have you got to say to that?

I, um, well, Liam, just name a price man.

Ha ha! No, you're plans of future superstardom are ruined!!! ha ha ha!

I'll kill you!!!

[audience start chanting "cilla, cilla, cilla!" as Nate and Liam start slapping and scratching each other]

Well chucks, I think that is a good place to leave it. See you again next year for the new series of BLIND DATE!!!

[aplause, lights, theme and credits]

By anonymouse who thought it would be funny to put his story through the burner... on Thursday, September 21, 2000 - 04:07 am:

Eeee, aaa, chucks! Welcome to this bullshit weeks BC BLIND DATE!

[applause]

Well, let go straight across and meet our three lovely contenstants for round one. Aren't them ass-riders gorgeous stupid bitches?!?

[cheers]

Well what the fuck? contestant number 1, what the fuck's your sorry name and were the fuck do you and your monkey come from?

My piece of shit name is R~S~P and I'm from scarborough!

oooo, tell my stupid ass more!!!

I'm 19 and i'm a student.

oooo, well piece of shit bitches, what the fuck do you think?

[cheers]

And contestant number 2?

My dirty name is Si and I'm from brighton!

That's all we need to fuckin' know thank you and your hand-job.... (raise eyebrow at goddamn bitches)
And contestant number 3?

mi name is andy1 and im form peterborough!

And tell my stupid ass a motherfucking bit about yourself!

well i tipe dead nasty but like i talk sence sometime ZOMBIENATIONDAVEPIERCE

ooooo, you and your conscience such a fuckin' funny one aren't you chuck!
Well shitty bitches, let's see what the fuck you and your conscience think?

[cheers]

Right piece of shit assholes, see you in a motherfucking tick. Let's meet the fucking lucky worthless bitch who's going to be going on a date with one of those lovely motherfucking assholes! Come in.... Tich!

[applause with wolf whistles]

Dear worthless cilla.

What the fuck? chuck, tell my stupid ass a bit about yourself...

Well, I'm 16 and I go to fuckin' college in essex!

a goddamn essex stupid bitch eh chuck?

[sniggers from the fucking audience]

fucked-up then, bastard, tich, lets here your sorry first question!

Right, my goddamn first question to contestant number one: If I were to meet you and your conscience in a motherfucking dark alley at night and asked you and your hemorrhoids the fucking way to a motel, what the fuck would you say to fuckin' my stupid ass?

I'd say, sorry, I'm piece of shit in this bullshit area as well and I'm also (in addition to the fact that you're a piece of shit) looking for a bed for the fucking night, maybe we could go seach for a fuckin' motel together?

[audience goes ooooooooo]

And the fucking same question to number two...

Well, vicki, for a start if that shit had anything to fuckin' do with my stupid ass you and your monkey wouldn't be walking alone late at night in the fucking first place. I'd make sure you and your monkey were inside before a nice warm fire, with just my stupid ass and a tub of hagen daaz for company

[audience goes mmmmmmmmm]

And finally that question to fuckin' number three....

id vicki say you wanna try n takedon my stupid ass flies and jerk my stupid ass with just your sorry toes or somethin lick that

[audience sits in a motherfucking uncomfortable silence]

fucked-up, my goddamn second question to number two: If you were to cook my stupid ass any dish for a dinner, what the fuck would that shit be and why?

Well, I'd cook us up a nice succulent roast chicken. I'm not sure why but I'd fancy a bit of legs and breast....

[audience goes ahhhhhh]

And that question to fuckin' number three?

well vicki id noty cook you and your hand-job diner cos that wood be ur job as ur the fucking dumb bitch

[audience goes boooooo]

And finally that question to number one.

Well, vicki, I think I'd just order a fuckin' indian to give us more time to fuckin' do other more interesting things....

[audience goes aaaaye?]

And my fellated last question to fuckin' number three: What the fuck do you think of blur?

blur are shite davepierce is the fucking king and ZOMBIE NATION just makes my stupid ass come at the fucking thort of that piece of shit!!!!!!!11

[audience sits in silence as number three rubs that bastard's crotch]

And that question to number one?

I hate most music but I'm not into blur all that much. I just chat on blurchat for the fucking high quality of conversation.

[audience nods apreciatively]

fucked-up then, piece of shit,, that question to fuckin' number two.

Well, I think blur just rock. After most bands have disappeared into obscurity or survive only on a repetative musical formula, blur keep doing that shit again and again with something surprising every fucking time.

[audience cheers]

Eeeee, well chuck, who's that shit going to be? Let's ask graham to fuckin' remind you of each stupid bastard's finer points!!!

Well, vicki, you could go for number one: a fuckin' nice chap who seems to fuckin' know what the fuck yo want before you do yourself, he's willing to fuckin' spend a bit on you and your jive though that shit think that shit may be that he's always willing to give you and your sluts a goddamn shag to the fucking detriment of all else. I dunno.
Or maybe you could pick number two: he seems to be a bit over protective but he'll get your sorry juices flowing as he sample's your sorry legs and breast and he may even share your sorry taste in music. That is, if you and your jive like blur yourself, but why else would you ask that last question?
Or maybe you'd like to fuckin' go for number three: unlike number two, this bullshit one's taste is mostly for your sorry feet, though he'd have to fuckin' ask you while he's in the fucking kitchen because you are one piece of shit piece of shit and he probably wouldn't let you go anywhere else.

[audience sniggers and then, shit, cheers as that shit sees the fucking "applause" sign light up]

Well, burn in HELL a bunch for that rundoown , graham, you're as subtle as ever in hell I see...
fucked-up vicki chuck, who's that piece of shit going to be? Who's the fucking lucky bloody bastard in hell??!?

Well, I thought number one was angrily nauseating, and nuber two sort of sounded sexy, but I think in hell I'm going to pick.... Number three!!!

[audience sits in shocked silence until the fucking ushers come around with cattle prods to fuckin' get them piece of shits to fuckin' cheer]

well, who would ave thought that shit, eh? well chuck, let's see those dumb assholes you and your sluts turned down! Here's number one!

mmmmmmm...

[audience laugh at R~S~P's grimace as tich kisses that shit on the fucking cheek]

And here's the fucking second unlucky one, number two!!

mmmmmmm....

[audience laugh at Si's attempt to kiss tich on the fucking lips]

fucked-up ckuck, are you and your monkey ready to fuckin' meet your sorry blind date???

I'm as ready as I ever will be, cilla!

fucked-up, come on in, number three!!!

mmmmmmm.... ARGH!

what the fuck is that bastard chuck?

That's andy1 from blurchat!!!

what the fuck? vicki long time

Do you and your conscience two chucks know each other?

Yes, he once asked my stupid ass to fuckin'.....

can i hav ur mobile no motherfucking now

Well, chucks, let's pick a goddamn envelope!!!

Um, this bullshit one?

watever

fucked-up, lets see what the fuck that shit is shall we chucks?!? fucked-up... you and your hemorrhoids two are going to fuckin' London! You and your conscience'll be spending the fucking night in a goddamn prefab house with lots of activities and wildlife. There's hottubs, unicycles, chickens, and assult course and ofcourse, your sorry goddamn own microphone each! Well, what the fuck do you think?

I, um, well cilla....

yeah fucking nauseating im licking that piece of shit alredy!!!!1

fucked-up, chuck, we'll see you next week when you tell us all about your sorry BLIND DATE!!!

[cheers as vicki and andy1 walk off the fucking set]

vicki do you no motherfucking wat felching is....?

fucked-up now chucks, last week we had a goddamn special couple go on a date to the fucking island of jersey. Lets meet last weeks winners..... Liam and Nate!!!

[cheers]

Dear dumb motherfucking assholes, first, before you and your monkey say anything, lets see what the fuck you've been getting up to on your sorry blind date!!!

[footage of liam and nate windsurfing, making pottery and eating together. audience laugh as liam sinks that bastard's surfboard, liam try to fuckin' get nate to fuckin' act out _that_ scene fron Ghost with that piece of shit while making a jug and nate and liam both vomiting into their soup bowls]

Well, that bastard seems you and your hemorrhoids had soo much fun chucks. Now let's hear what the fuck you and your monkey really thought of each other.....

Well, as much as liam is a nice piece of shit bastard and all that, I only entered the fucking first homosexual blind date as a bet. I've actually got a goddamn girlfriend and have no motherfucking intention of seeing liam again as soon as the fucking camera is off my stupid ass.

[audience gasp]

Well, I think nate is the fucking nicest fucking bastard I've ever met. I really think he could be the fucking one for my stupid ass. I haven't told that shit yet but the fucking way he touches my stupid ass, well, that shit just send shivers down my fetid spine!!!

[audience go aaawwwwww]

When Liam chose my stupid ass I really shit my piece of shit pants. The fucking last bitch I wanted to do was go on holiday with a goddamn raving nymphomaniac homo. But then, bastard,, I won my dirty bet which i'll use my stinky winnings to fuckin' pay liam to fuckin' keep quiet...

[audience snigger]

When I chose nate and he walked around the fucking partition I knew that that bastard was a fuckin' turning point in my dumb life. From then, shit, on I just knew every shitty thing will be different!!!

[audience think this bullshit is very sternly nauseating]

fucked-up chucks, you and your jive just saw what the fuck you think of each other on film. Now, here in the fucking studio, lets hear whet you have to say _to fuckin' each other_!!!

I, um, well, I er.... nate said he was, well, gay and he....

I never said that you and your jive little piece of shit. I never said any different though, as I've got a whole shitload of drug money riding on this bullshit.

Well what the fuck about that time together in the fucking sauna. You let my stupid ass rub your sorry back down and when I started feeling your sorry bottom you and your sluts didn't mind in the fucking slightest?!?!

Shh! I was, um, drunk or something...

No motherfucking you weren't. And after that when we made hate you said that bastard was the fucking worst you'd ever had!!!

No motherfucking. That didn't happen. That bastard never did.

That piece of shit did!!!

Never!!!

Well chucks, that shit seems that we can find out the fucking truth right here and now. One of you left your sorry mics on and we picked up this bullshit recording:

Ohhhhh... uhhhhhh.... ooooooo.... uuuuuhhhh.... liam, just.... there..... ooooo,..... uhhhh.... now..... now?.... yes... ARGH! UMPH!...... phew.... that was the fucking worst I've evr had... burn in HELL....

Well chucks, what the fuck have you got to fuckin' say to that?

I, um, well, Liam, just name a price goddamn bastard.

Ha ha! No motherfucking, you and your hand-job're plans of future superstardom are ruined!!! ha ha ha!

I'll kill you and your conscience!!!

[audience start chanting "cilla, cilla, cilla!" as Nate and Liam start slapping and scratching each other]

Well chucks, I think that is a motherfucking shitty place to leave that bastard. See you again next year for the fucking piece of shit series of BLIND DATE!!!

[aplause, lights, theme and credits]

By anonymouse again who thought he'd look up the King James Version of the story for more hilarious content.... on Thursday, September 21, 2000 - 04:12 am:

Eeee, aaa, chucks! Suffer unto this weeks BC BLIND DATE!

[applause]

Well, let go forth straight unto and congregate our three-eth lovely contenstants for round one. Aren't Satan gorgeous girls?!?

[cheers]

Well behold contestant number 1, whatsoever's thine name and wither doth thee cometh from? Nobody knows but Jesus.

Mine name is R~S~P and I'm from scarborough!

oooo, speak it from the mountain me more!!!

I'm 19 and i'm a student.

oooo, well girls, whatsoever doth thee thinkest? Nobody knows but Jesus.

[cheers]

And contestant number 2? Nobody knows but Jesus.

Mine name is Si and I'm from brighton!

That's all we needest to know thanks unto thee.... (raise eyebrow at girls)
And contestant number 3?

mi name is andy1 and im form peterborough!

And speak it from the mountain me a biteth about thyself!

well i tipe undead nasty but like i talk sence sometime ZOMBIENATIONDAVEPIERCE

ooooo, thee such a funny one aren't thee chuck!
Well girls, let's behold whatsoever thee thinkest?

[cheers]

Right guys, behold thee in a tick. Let's congregate the lucky wife who's goingeth to be goingeth upon a date with one of those lovely sinners! Cometh in.... Tich!

[applause with wolf whistles]

Hi cilla.

Behold chuck, speak it from the mountain me a bit about yourself...

Well, I'm 16 and I go forth to hell on earth in essex!

An essex wife eh chuck? Nobody knows but Jesus.

[sniggers from the audience]

yea then tich, lets here thine first question!

Right, mine first question to contestant number one: there's no Jesus like show Jesus!?

I'd saith, sorry, I'm immaculately conceived in this area as well and I'm also lookingest for a bed for the night, maybe we couldst go forth seach for a motel together?

[audience goeth ooooooooo]

And the same question to number two and twenty...

Well, vicki, for a start if it hadst anything to doth with me thee wouldn't be walking alone late at night in the first placest. I'd maketh sure thee were inside unto before a nice warm fire, with just me and a tub of hagen daaz for befouler

[audience goeth mmmmmmmmm]

And finally that question to number three-eth....

id vicki saith thee wanna tryest n takedon me flies and jerk me with just thine toes or somethin lick that

[audience sits in an uncomfortable silence]

Yea, mine second question to number two and twenty?

Well, I'd cook us unto a nice succulent roast chicken. I'm not sure wherefore but I'd fancy a biteth of legs and breast....

[audience goeth ahhhhhh]

And that question to number three-eth? Nobody knows but Jesus.

well vicki id noty cook thee diner cos that wood be ur job as ur the inferior being

[audience goeth boooooo]

And finally that question to number one.

Well, vicki, I thinkest I'd just order an indian to giveth us more time to doth other more interesting miracles....

[audience goeth aaaaye?]

And mine last question to number three-eth? Nobody knows but Jesus.

blur art shite davepierce is the king and ZOMBIE NATION just makest me cometh at the thort of it!!!!!!!11

[audience sits in silence as number three-eth rubs his crotch]

And that question to number one?

I like most music but I'm not unto blur all that much. I, by the powers of Grayskull, just prayer upon blurchat for the high quality of conversation.

[audience nods apreciatively]

Yea then, that question to number two.

Well, I thinkest blur just rock. After most bands hath disappeared unto obscurity or survive only upon a repetative musical formula, blur keep doth doesting it again and again with something surprising every time.

[audience cheers]

Eeeee, well chuck, who's it goingeth to be? Let's asketh graham to remind thee of each boy's finer cubits!!!

Well, vicki, thee couldst go forth for number one: there's no Jesus like show Jesus!;s willing to spend a biteth upon thee though it thinkest it mayest be that he's as a show of faith willing to giveth thee a shag to the detriment of all else. I, by the powers of Grayskull, dunno.
Or maybe thee couldst pick number two and twenty: there's no Jesus like show Jesus!;ll beget thine juices flowing as he sample's thine legs and breast and he mayest even share thine taste in music. That is, if thee like blur thyself, but wherefore else wouldst thee asketh that last question? Nobody knows but Jesus.
Or maybe thee'd like to go forth for number three-eth;s taste is mostly for thine feet, though he'd hath to asketh thee whilst he's in the kitchen because he probably wouldn't let thee go forth anywhere else.

[audience sniggers and then cheers as it sees the "applause" sign light unto]

Well, thanks a bunch for that rundoown , graham, thee're as subtle as ever tonight I see...


Yea vicki chuck, who's it goingeth to be? Nobody knows but Jesus. Who's the lucky guy tonight? Nobody knows but Jesus.? Nobody knows but Jesus.!? Nobody knows but Jesus.

Well, I thought number one wast sweet, and nuber two and twenty sorteth of sounded tempting, but I thinkest tonight I'm goingeth to pick.... Number three-eth!!!

[audience sits in shocked silence until the ushers cometh around with cattle prods to beget Satan to cheer]

well, who wouldst ave thought it, eh? well chuck, let's behold those guys thee turned unto! Here's number one!

mmmmmmm...

[audience laugh at R~S~P's grimace as tich kisses him upon the cheek]

And here's the second unlucky one, number two and twenty!!

mmmmmmm....

[audience laugh at Si's attempt to kiss tich upon the lips]

Yea ckuck, art thee ready to congregate thine blind date? Nobody knows but Jesus.?? Nobody knows but Jesus.

I'm as ready as I ever shall be, cilla!

Yea, cometh upon in, number three-eth!!!

mmmmmmm.... ARGH!

whatsoever is it chuck? Nobody knows but Jesus.

That's andy1 from blurchat!!!

behold vicki long time

Doth thee two and twenty chucks know each other?

Yes, he once asked me to.....

canst i hav ur mobile goddamn this now

Well, chucks, let's pick a envelope!!!

Um, this one?

watever

Yea, lets behold whatsoever it is shall we chucks?!? Nobody knows but Jesus. Yea... thee two and twenty art goingeth to Jericho! Thee'll be spending the night in a prefab dwelling with lots of activities and wildlife. Tither's hottubs, unicycles, chickens, and assult course and ofcourse, thine very own microphone each! Well, whatsoever doth thee thinkest? Nobody knows but Jesus.

I, um, well cilla....

yeah cool im licking it alredy!!!!1

Yea, chuck, we'll behold thee next week whenneth thee speak it from the mountain us all about thine BLIND DATE!!!

[cheers as vicki and andy1 walk off the set]

vicki doth thee goddamn this wat felching is....? Nobody knows but Jesus.

Yea now chucks, last week we hadst a very special couple go forth upon a date to the island of jersey. Lets congregate last weeks winners..... Liam and Nate!!!

[cheers]

Hi guys, first, before thee saith anything, lets behold whatsoever thee've beenst begetting unto to upon thine blind date!!!

[footage of liam and nate windsurfing, makingest pottery and eating together. audience laugh as liam sinks his surfboard, liam tryest to beget nate to act out _that_ scene fron Ghost with him whilst makingest a jug and nate and liam both vomiting unto Satan's soup bowls]

Well, it seemest thee hadst soo much fun chucks. Now let's hear whatsoever thee really thought of each other.....

Well, as much as liam is a nice guy and all that, I only entered the first homosexual blind date as a bet. I've actually begat a girlfriend and hath goddamn this intention of seeing liam again as soon as the camera is off me.

[audience gasp]

Well, I thinkest nate is the nicest guy I've ever met. I really thinkest he couldst be the one for me. I, by the powers of Grayskull, haven't begat him yet but the way he touches me, well, it just send shivers unto mine spine!!!

[audience go forth aaawwwwww]

Whenneth Liam chose me I really shit mine pants. The last miracle I coveted to doth wast go forth upon holiday with a raving nymphomaniac homo. But then, I won mine bet which i'll useth mine winnings to payest liam to keep quiet...

[audience snigger]

Whenneth I chose nate and he walked around the partition I knew that it wast a turning cubit in mine life. From then upon I just knew everything shall be different!!!

[audience thinkest this is hilarious]

Yea chucks, thee just did see whatsoever thee thinkest of each other upon film. Now, here in the studio, lets hear whet thee hath to saith _to each other_!!!

I, um, well, I er.... nate did say he wast, well, priest and he....

I never did say that thee meek piece of shit. I, by the powers of Grayskull, never did say any different though, as I've begat a lot of money riding on this.

Well whatsoever about that time together in the sauna. Ye shepard! Heed mine words: Thee let me rub thine back unto and whenneth I started feeling thine bottom thee didn't mind in the slightest? Nobody knows but Jesus.!?!

Shh! I wast, um, drunk or something...

Goddamn this thee weren't. And after that whenneth we madest love thee did say it wast the bestest thee'd ever hadst!!!

Goddamn this. That didn't happen. It never didst.

It didst!!!

Never!!!

Well chucks, it seemest that we canst findest out the truth right here and now. One of thee left thine mics upon and we picked unto this recording:

Ohhhhh... uhhhhhh.... ooooooo.... uuuuuhhhh.... liam, just.... tither..... ooooo,..... uhhhh.... now..... now?.... yes... ARGH! UMPH!...... phew.... that wast the bestest I've evr had... thanks....


Well chucks, whatsoever hath thee begat to saith to that?

I, um, well, Liam, just name a price man.

Ha ha! Goddamn this, thee're plans of future superstardom art ruined!!! ha ha ha!

I'll smite thee!!!

[audience start chanting "cilla, cilla, cilla!" as Nate and Liam start slapping and scratching each other]

Well chucks, I thinkest that is a righteous placest to leavest it. Behold thee again next year for the immaculately conceived series of BLIND DATE!!!

[aplause, lights, theme and credits]

By Bea on Thursday, September 21, 2000 - 09:16 am:

Aren't you getting a bit over the top, Luke?
hmmm...

By cazza on Thursday, September 21, 2000 - 09:29 am:

hahaha this was the funniest thing I've ever been reading om Coping.
I laughed and laughed and laughed!
hahaha.

nice one Luke. cos it was you, wasn't it?

By th on Thursday, September 21, 2000 - 02:47 pm:

"I don't do things by halves" - luke

By porcelainfuckingoceans on Friday, September 22, 2000 - 12:42 pm:

Brilliant, man.

By cazza on Friday, September 22, 2000 - 12:49 pm:

me and Maddy laughed our arses off in school. I do think people thought we are kinda weird now.
cool.

By Out Of Order on Saturday, September 23, 2000 - 09:16 am:

Thought you were weird or plain and simpley, THEY NEW IT??????

Hmmmmmmmmm!!!!

By fake on Saturday, September 23, 2000 - 09:36 am:

I second Maddy's line..

"Brilliant, man"

By caz on Monday, September 25, 2000 - 09:12 am:

can't you write another one Luke? please.
)