Although i'm 23 years old I find that I am constantly asked for proof of my age when trying to enter public houses or discos. Being a young man who only wants to party it is becoming extremely frustrating having to still hang around outside off licences asking passers by if they'd kindly go in the shop for me and purchase a two litre bottle of Turbo White Cider which at 8.4% is more than enough to guarantee you a good night. I'm becoming tired of sitting in the park with the local kids who also can't get in the pubs, (they are however fourteen). Plus drinking 2 litres of cider in the baltic mancunian weather does nothing for my joints. I am unable to grow facial hair and I think this is the main reason for my non admission to licenced premises, I've read all the moustache production magazines tried all the potions yet i am still lacking in the beard department, so please please please can anybody recommend an ancient hair growing technique or sell me some fake I.D.
I also dress up in ladies clothes on occasions does this mean i'm strange or am i just willing to try anything?

By chris on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 10:59 am:

wtf

By Ooom Papa! on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 11:39 am:

wtf

By Sammie on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 12:32 pm:

I suggest you go to a costume place and buy yourself what is generally known as fake hair. it comes in long plaits and you buy with it special glue. cut off little bits and stick it on your face after smearing on some of this glue. works a treat. that's how I achieved the bearded look at Halloween and I'm a chick!

By Eddy on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 01:04 pm:

This is the best topic ever.

By morgan on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 01:20 pm:

Doesn't matter about the beard and all. Looking young is great, you won't want to be lod and wrinkly too soon.

By morgan on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 01:21 pm:

lod=old

By Mullet Scratcher on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 02:03 pm:

The path of the bearded man is beset on all sides by the tyranny of Gillette Mach 3 razors. Blessed is he who shepherds his chin in a hairy valley of darkness. For he is truly a beard keeper and the father of many children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and follicle anger those without stubble who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers' beards with Wilkinson's sword. And you will know I have a beard when I lay down my vengeful bristles upon you...

By Butter~Twirré on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 02:27 pm:

"Your ass will be stolen in your presence ~ and you will not recover it." ~ Deuteronomy, 12:32.

By Crappy P.S on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 02:28 pm:

But I still love you loads!

By Toby on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 03:14 pm:

Drinking the hair of the dog won't solve your little problem PeachFuzz. But this might help:

I was a late bloomer and it was very disturbing being 13 and in the football locker room and feeling like the only one pube-icly challenged. It was also about this time that. . . let's say the urges to release some demons started about the same time. Well, it wasn't but a few weeks after I started stroking and slapping the old boy around that Short Curly's forest began to sprout.

I guess what I'm saying is that in order to grow facial hair, maybe you should start wanking your face.

By stereopop on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 07:47 pm:

Butter just gave a very good example of the reason I love to read the Bible.

By hallie on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 10:43 pm:

ah ha ha, you know what i hate? 16 yr old boys that don't know how to shave and leave the scraggly moss just right under the chin...
absolutely disgusting.(and as is toby. ew, maguire has ill-fitting teeth..)

and erm, having just read the first post, if you are 23, why do you need fake id? and mmmm.... no, dressing up in women's clothes is just... not sure. great? lovely lovely little boy in billy elliot, the dark-haired one. so much confused sex in a little dress. anyone wanna help me come up with the word?

By Toby on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 10:49 pm:

Bone-smuggler?

By Toby on Tuesday, February 27, 2001 - 11:51 pm:

All aboard the stain train, first stop: The little brown church in the valley?

By shellie on Wednesday, February 28, 2001 - 11:34 am:

i love all guys!! how can hallie say that stuff??!! but if I waz a guy, i'd hate shaven

By hallie on Wednesday, February 28, 2001 - 11:51 pm:

ah, toby, your cleverness does awash me in confusion.

which stuff, shellie? (you love all guys, eh?) i have to agree w/ the shaving, though - 'cos even i'm a girl and i hate it (wax me!)

By Toby on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 12:19 pm:

Name the time and place. I'll bring the wax, you bring the whine.

By hallie on Thursday, March 1, 2001 - 11:16 pm:

whine? am i to be insulted?

By Toby on Monday, March 5, 2001 - 12:59 pm:

You befuddle easily don't you?