Share a strange email, so long as it's not one I've written you. Hee hee.
This is one I got yesterday, & I'm trying to remember what the hell my "discussion and reasoning" would have been about. "Darren" (evidently not the same one from here) mentions me "auditioning for a play" which means he must have received the email from me which he claims to be replying to over 13 months ago!

I haven't got a clue who this person is, nor any idea why he thinks I'd be interested in hearing about his attempts at making a career out of ballroom dancing.

Get to the part about wanting to slap all his exgirlfriends "REALLY hard"? Hoo boy! Could be one of you funsters yanking my chain, for all I know, but it definitely qualifies as mildly strange.


"Thanks for writing! Your discussion and reasoning are a real welcome away from the endless streams of junk e-mail I get all the time!

I once saw a program on TV that explained how a DNA test was done to compare the remains of Jesse James to his closest living relative. I got to watch the bones of Jesse James as the forensic scientist extracted first femur bone then tooth matter to see if she could get a DNA sample. It was a while ago and I don't remember most of it, but the process of "DNA fingerprinting" done with really expensive looking lab equipment sort of made sense to me at the time. Anyways, the results came back matching those of Jesse James' closest living relative. Of course, Jesse James
almost assuredly spent many a romantic encounters with farm girls, and I think he was supposedly killed around 20 years after he started his
robberies, so it could have been some previously unknown son of his. I mention this only because there was a lot of speculation about Jesse James'
survival after his "death", which is why his body was exhumed for a SECOND time since his burial, and a DNA test was done just about ten years ago!
That's great you decided to audition for a part in a play! Did you get the part? Don't feel bad if you didn't, because few if any actors/actresses out there get everything they want at first!

Have you ever been in any theatrical productions before?

I myself was really interested in the idea of acting when I was around 10. I even took two seperate acting/theatrical academies for youth in the Grass Valley/Nevada City area. But I couldn't get any parts in serious plays because I was so young. The only parts available were small, background singing roles, and I HATED singing!!! So, I never got a chance to be in a
play. But something did happen at one of the theatrical academies. We had many different types of performances, such as skits, songs(YUCK!!!), and two modern dance numbers. I still remember hating the dancing performances, but I was actually pretty good at it. My parents told me after the show "You did such a great job dancing!" And what did I say to this new found talent of mine? "I HATE dancing!" Almost a decade later I was eating those words...

Nearing the end of my senior year in 1998 at a high school I wished had burned to the ground with most of the teachers and many students still in it, I felt that I should attend the senior prom. I had never attended any of the other high school dances before; those were for the "popular" kids (the athletic jocks and their 'trophy' girlfriends), and I never wanted
anything to do with them. But I still had this idea that prom would be one of the only fun things that I could ever have done at high school. But I wanted to do more than just walk aronud in a circle like I did at my 8th grade dance.

So, my resourceful mother was able to find a dance studio where I could take private lessons from this woman in Auburn. I took the lessons and
learned some slow dance moves. The woman was so impressed, she recomended that I take her swing dance classes in the summer. I had no idea what
swing dance was, but I said I would. Prom was pretty fun after all.

When summer rolled around, I started taking the swing dance lessons. After about two months of this, I got the invitation by the woman to be on this performance team she was forming for a performance. We all practiced on a special time set aside just for us each week. There were about 14 or 16 of us, and we learned two coreographed dance routines for the event in
Sacramento in November. We did the event for several nights in a row, and decided to keep the team and hired ourselves out for performances in the local Auburn area.

But things began to quickly fall downhill. Apparently, Debbie Goodwin became less and less accustomed to the idea of having to WORK for a living, so instead of trying to teach a dozen and a half teenagers (who were origionally committed to the whole thing), she came up with a brilliant
idea of having "dance captains", where she would teach them and they would teach us, so the theory went.

After going on and on about how this was OUR team, SHE appoints her overly-concerned-fashion-and-popularity daughter and the goofiest guy I've
ever met as OUR illustrious "dance captains". I hated the way OUR poor-excuse-of-a-young-man "dance captain" danced; I don't mean this in any biased way--he really looked stupid when he danced, and to top it off, he thought he was the greatest. Debbie's daughter wasn't that good herself.
Why were these two our dance captains? because Debbie's daughter liked the goofy guy. Liked, hell, she was INFATUATED with him! She was one of those girls who thought that stupidity and arrogance were cute.

So, they got to teach almost all the classes instead of Debbie, and they were even less help than Debbie was. Sometimes Debbie was present watching them teach us(I use the phrase "teach" rather loosely), but she soon stopped coming almost altogether for stretches here and there. On numerous occasions, Debbie would tell the guy(the goof) to stay after she had left and go over this and that with us, and both him and the daughter would just leave. And many times after one of their lessons when I would ask them for
help to show me this or do this with me, the goof would say he was to tired, and Debbie's daughter was apparently just too important and too good
to bother herself with me.

Debbie also asked for more money as time went on to a point where we were paying almost double what we were when the "team" first formed. Eventually things got so bad that I and another intelligent guy resigned ourselves from Debbie's controlling grasp in November of 1999. When I started I was 19 and everyone else was 15 through 17, with the girls being the youngest. I thought my senior year was bad! It was like I was back in the 9th grade!! Enough of that!

Then in March of 2000, I was dancing at a club in Sacramento when I was approached and offered the job to be trained as a ballroom dance instructor
at a newly opened studio! However, 14 months later it turned out to be another dead end. For the first few months I actually got trained in the
many ballroom, latin and swing dances. However, like Debbie, Mike DelCampo (owner/instructor) decided to book up his schedule solid with customers to a point where he no longer had the time to further train neither me nor another woman who was training with me. So, Mike figured that we should show up more often because he was too stupid to realize that we can't train ourselves. That was hard for me to do, considering it was a 90 mile round trip to get there, and I was going to college at the same time.

My partner had been on a professional (I myself have yet to perform or work extensively among any "professionl" dancers) jazz performance team when she was in college, and even coreographed and taught a few numbers. Plus, she had experience as a saleswoman with a wine company, and Mike wanted all dance instructors to know how to "sell themselves" to get lessons form prospective customers. So, he started to give her some more time here and there while he ignored me. When the new year of 2001 rolled around, she was teaching and had no time to work with me anymore, but she always managed to find the time to teach her new customers. I thought she was my partner. And my friend. I was wrong.

Since the summer of 2000, I was spending 80% to 90% of my time with no instructors to teach me and no one to dance with, so all I could do was
practice by myself. About the only time I had a chance to dance was at the Saturday night dances they had. Soon I got so fed up with what I've told you and all of the rest of Mike's crap that I sat down at the studio and wrote him a hand written six or seven page letter explaining to him all my pent up feelings that I was sick of his bullshit and that I DEMANDED he work with me personally for three hours every week at the least, and that I wasn't expected to show up anymore with no one to work with. I neatly
folded the letter and left it on his desk and walked out the door and have never returned since. Six days later I get an E-mail with a few sentences saying he accepted the letter as my formal resignation. I would be really surprised in he ever took responsibility for any of his actions.

But none of this has tainted my love and appreciation of dancing. The most I ever learned was whenever I was out dancing at clubs and events mostly in Sacramento. I've also danced in L.A., S.F., and Portland Oregon. In Portland I danced at the Crystal Ballroom, situated at the top of this really old brick building. The place was the size of an industrial wearhouse with a balcony, chandeliers, murals, and the original 20's or 30's wooden dance floor with springs underneath, so it moves in waves when everyone dances on it; Ohh what fun!

Sadly, when I left the DelCampo (dumb-crapo) studio, my dancing sort of ceased. I have danced a total of four times since my departure from the
studio over a year ago. Since I was on that swing performance team from 1998-1999, I was always looking for a nice female who I could at least be friends with, so the two of us could practice together outside of any class, and even go out to clubs and events together. But that never happened.

But I did meet plenty of girls who decided that my sensitive nature was enough for them to treat me like I was a problem to them because they were
too insecure and selfish to express their feelings for me, so why not take advantage of me. I still wished I would have slapped a few of them REALLY hard. If I told you the things they said to me, you would almost certainly
agree.

Since I'm six feet and five inches tall, it's very hard for me to dance with anyone who's not a tall or average height woman themselves. Plus, I
live up in the rural foothills, and it's 50 or 60 miles for me to get to downtown Sacramento, so commuting is very time consuming and doesn't appeal to me very much.

My favorite dancing movie is without a doubt "Strictly Ballroom", which was made right where you are--in Australia! Have you seen it? You don't even have to know anything about professional ballroom competitions to understand and enjoy it! It's got comedy, satire, comedy, romance, comedy, dancing... It's really a lot of fun! I've even got the soundtrack! What I love best about the movie is how many of the "professional" dancers are portrayed as arrogant, vain, whining, pathetic people--which is a compliment compared to many of the kids and people I've come across in the world of dancing!

I've been going to the same community college that's closest to me, even though it's 30 miles away. It's a lousy college, but with some good
teachers. There's a student body of 18,000 to 19,000 students, and there's no newspaper! That's how bad the atmosphere is. I'm sick of the place, so I think I'll check into home school college courses. I would like to transfer to the California State University of Sacramento (CSUS), but there's still a few more credits I need. Plus, my dad lost his job since October of last year, so the unemployment checks only go so far.

Right now, I'm training with the volunteer fire department up where I live. I got certified as a basic EMT at my college, and since 80% to 90% of a
fire department's calls are medical, I should be pretty good at it. In this rural area, the only other jobs for someone without a technical degree
or a four year degree are flipping burgers or punching cash registers. At least with the fire department, I'll get a few extra dollars more an hour than minimum wage.

I'm so sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. Tell me how the audition for the play went, and anything else that's new with you, and I look forward to hearing from you soon!

Darren"

By Scampathetic on Wednesday, June 19, 2002 - 12:15 pm:

"People who have issues with the opposite sex suck. Best to stay away from them all if you can at all help it."


A genuis gave you that advice once already, Wheeler. In future, listen!

By Quintal on Thursday, June 20, 2002 - 06:31 am:

This isnt actually an email, but a real letter I received in the mail today. As you can see, it was written over a year ago, but it got mislaid by my Auntie, and she only just found it recently. The letter itself is from my cousin Chad who was a Mormon missionary at the time. My Auntie Wendy obviously thought this letter so important that she forwarded it onto me, despite it's age. Here goes...


17th May 2001

Dear Quintal,
Hows it going? My Mum mentioned you in a previous letter & I felt a strong desire to write a few words. I'm on a bus @ the moment on my way back to Tahamatou, after spending 2 days down here in Kocha & Namyohi. (It's hard to read his writing here - ed) I served in Namyohi a few months ago, so I was very blessed to come back & see one of my old areas. Its an unbelievable privelige to serve as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints & to have the auhority and right to bring people unto Christ. This work & indeed our whole lives must be focussed on Christ. I look @ the apostles and prophets & know that they are well acquainted with Christ. Follow the prophet, he does know the way.
If it isnt tied to Christ in some way or another, it's fruitless. I havent been a perfect missionary, but I have felt time & time again that this work is real & that we must be willing to give our all to Christ & this work. I know Christ to be both your & my Saviour. We must exercise greater faith to do what he wants us to do. What does Christ want you to do? Ask him, with real intent. I challenge you, Quintal, to serve him. To exercise the faith & to serve a mission. To put other people & the Saviour first. There is much joy in serving & it is a great blessing to feel of his spirit.
Quintal, it is so important that we realise that he is in charge. Submit to his will.
Love Chad.

(Then my Auntie Wendy, affectionately known as 'Woo', took over, writing a few notes on the bottom of the letter -ed)

Quintal - this is the letter we lost last year. Sent it anyway.
You're most welcome to come to Sunday night dinner - you can bring your girlfriend also.
Jed left for Utah nearly three weeks ago. He is off to Hiroshima as well!
Till we see you... Woo.

By Butter~Twirré on Thursday, June 20, 2002 - 07:15 pm:

"Perfect missionary!" That sounds like the name of a porn movie.
Well, Chad stands no chance of ever being a perfect missionary if he doesn't brush up on his Jesus P.R skills when he writes his letters.

That's funnier than the letter I received a couple of years back from Susan Atkins. Susan Atkins, for anyone who cares (which I doubt very much, but I'll forge ahead any way) was a member of Charles Manson's 'Family', and she's still in jail for eight murders. America seems to have an odd definition of murder though since she didn't personally kill all eight victims. (Actually, I guess it's even odder when you remember that Charles Manson didn't kill anybody at all. Not that he's a good person, but it's true; he never killed anyone.)

Anyway, Susan Atkins wrote a predictably self~serving autobiography from prison, saying she'd become a Born Again Christian, had remorse for her crimes, now "walked with the Lord" and loved helping troubled teens who wrote to her from all over the world. People I knew thought this weird even by my standards, but I wrote her a brief letter saying I was one of those 'troubled teens'. I don't know why I did it, really. Maybe I was putting her Christian concern for others to the test. More likely it was idle curiousity/boredom. (Definitely NOT because I think what she did was a good thing!) To my amazement, about 6 weeks later, I received a reply from her.
It came on personalized stationery with a little photo of Susan Atkins smiling serenely at the top of the page (as a taxpayer, I must ask what ARE these prison bleedin' hearts authorities thinking of, letting prisoners have personalized stationery??!). Despite being a Born Again Christian, she still had the same look on her face as here ~


so the photo was a little spooky.
I won't bother transcribing it. One line was: "Ana, my heart goes out to you. Ana, you're NOT a loser, I promise you. You don't have to end up a drug addict, or worse."

I remember thinking, "And what's 'worse', Susan? Ending up a murderer like you in a prison with nothing to do but write letters to silly gits like me?"
Anyroad, I've an odd feeling I've told this story before on Coping. Apologies if that's the case, you crazy scallywags.

By Quintal on Saturday, June 22, 2002 - 07:35 pm:

"Perfect Missionary " Ho ho. Nice one.

By Dave Hedgehog on Sunday, June 23, 2002 - 02:46 pm:

Charles Manson stabbed my auntie

By Quintal on Thursday, June 27, 2002 - 04:20 am:

Shit. I was about to share a strange email with you all, then noticed that Ana said that it couldnt be one from her.

By Ana on Monday, July 1, 2002 - 07:22 pm:

Oh God, truth is so often stranger than fiction!