WHAT DOES EVERYONE IN COPING THINK OF BIG BROTHER? WHAT AN AMAZING IDEA IT WAS. SOME FAT CATS GOING TO BE QUIDS IN. ALL HE DID WAS STICK 10 PEOPLE FROM THE STREETS INTO A HOUSE FULL OF CAMERAS! HEY PRESTO!
OH WELL
WHAT A DIFFERENCE I WOULD HAVE MADE OF THE HOUSE. I WOULD HAVE BEAT THAT SCOUSE BASTARD UP FOR A START! I MEAN. WHY VOTE HIM TO WIN? HE WOULD HAVE STOLEN THE MONEY ANYWAY!

THE REAL TOPIC I WANT TO RAISE IS WOULDNT IT BE COOL IF ALL THE PEOPLE FROM COPING WERE PUT INTO A BIG BROTHER HOUSE. WHAT DO U THINK WOULD HAPPEN? IT WOULD BE GREAT. WHAT A FUCKING ACE BLEND OF CHARECTORS OR WOT?
YOUR THOUGHTS PLEASE.
WHO WOULD BE FIRST TO BE EVICTED ETC.

By BIG BRETT on Sunday, September 17, 2000 - 11:00 pm:

I BET THE BASTARD CAMERA WOULD SHOW ME SPANKING THE MONKEY LIVE TOO! WOULDNT THAT BOOST RATINGS?

By Anonymouse on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 01:45 am:

Week one:

andy, rsp, O.o.O., thjgglr, Tom_hanks, tich, julia, piglet, keondra and cazza get put into a house with cameras everywhere broadcasting to the nation 24/7.

All settle in nicely and andy and cazza get off with each other imediatly.

week two:

Keondra and Luke spot liam wanking in the shower. He denies it.
Chris and jules start hating each other's guts and she looks to Tom for solace.

Nominated:
Cazza and andy.
Kicked out:
Cazza, but we'll get andy next week....

Week three:

Luke thinks that maybe Chris has smuggled a mobile phone into the house.
Sara has an egg fight with herself.

Nominated:
Andy, Keondra
Kick out:
Keondra, but we'll get andy next week....

Week four:

Luke confronts Chris about the mobile phone but but vicki sticks up for chris. Tom and julia join luke in uncovering chris. The thing is they can't find the phone so luke forgives chris but jules and tom continue hating him...
Liam is still in the shower and hasn't been seen since last week.

Nominated:
Andy, liam
Kicked out:
liam, andy is out next week. He's missing cazza like mad.

Week five.

Chris and andy have a conversationa about what they are going to do when they get out and chris says he's going to marry andy's sister.
Luke and sara learn to ride a unicycle and andy finds tich and tom kissing in the shower. Tich denies this but tom feels quite pleased with himself.
Liam flies a radio controlled helicopter into the garden and drops a bowl of spunk he collected in the shower onto julia's favorite chicken

Nominated:
Andy, Tom.
Kicked out:
Andy, at last.

Week six

Vicki has found comfort in luke's arms while chris and sara are getting friendly.
Jules still hates chris but also hates tom now after he was caught kissing someone else.
Sara has another eggfight with herself but loses this time.

Nominated:
Julia, Tom
Kicked out:
Tom

Week seven

Chris is nowhere to be found. Luke looks everywhere for his old mate until Big Brother announces that tom and chris were actually the same person.
A replacement is provided in the form of Nate.
Luke is really put out with this as he wanted to be the only bloke left inside.
Sara plays with the chickens.

Nominated:
Sara, vicki
Kicked out:
vicki

Week seven

Sara, nate, luke, and julia sit round discussing music.
Luke is missing vicki and chris but finds a nice hot tub in the garden. He fails to get it to work and nate freezes his bollocks off. He has to go and see a doctor in the diary room to check of he is still able to have sex because julia keeps feeling him up.

Nominated
Sara, Nate
Kicked out:
Nate

Week eight

Luke finds himself alone with two women but hates it. Sara plays with her chickens while julia tries to climb the perimiter fence.

Nominated:
Sara, luke
Kicked out:
Julia

Week nine

Sara and Luke content themselves for a week by slaughtering the chickens and eating them raw one by one. Having spent two months with no human interaction they have regressed to savages.
Luke asks sara for sex but it turns out she has been a lesbian all along.

Nominated:
Sara, luke.
Kicked out:
Sara

Week ten

Luke mopes around the house and finds liams porno magazine stash in the shower. HE burns it for warmth and resorts to sleeping in the empty hot tub. Without a food suply he gets thinner but survives by eating the chicken food.

Nominated:
Luke
Kicked out
Luke

Afterwards:

Luke won the £70,000 and spent it on building his own camera infested house to hide away in.

Chris has gone onto star in pantomimes.

Liam and andy have set up home together talking about wrestling and wanking over porno mags together.

Julia and julia have both had failed singing careers and havv enow resorted to modeling for mens magazines, still niave to the fact that they are the very models liam and andy are wanking over.

Nate has, as you know, had mildly more successful singing career in his new band "big brother".

Keondra was last seen opening a supermarket in dorset.

cazza and sara have made a name for themselves by publishing a book each, both titled "my time in the big brother house".

By Bea on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 08:54 am:

Not only music, but short stories as well...
this man is a genius!
*wink* (since the sign gives out an error on my comp...)

(btw, I never watched big brother and never will...)

By Ian on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 06:37 pm:

Ian, Eddy, Dave, Joe, BB for the boys,
Sarah, Lucky, Cazza, Tam and I don't know. Random person I guess. How about porcelainfuckingoceans?

Second Week-
Cazza voted out for being a cheap Tam impersonator
Third Week-
Porcelainfuckingoceans goes- don't know why
Fourth Week-
Dave goes after driving everyone insane with his incessant "I've done it with her" humour- pisses even Big Brett off
Fifth Week-
Joe evicted- didn't do well in weekly task, something to do with football I don't make the rules up
Sixth Week- BB found passing round bits of paper. Evicted. Replaced by ex Coping favourite God/Tosser with Tosser unavailable for eviction, I go. You bastards
Seventh Week- Tosser goes out- general wankiness
Eighth Week- Eddy goes, remaining male in Coping household- keeps showing off his bollocks to everyone.
Ninth Week- Sarah Lucky and Tam left over---
Lucky goes out third, gallant battle.
Down to Tam and Sarah, Sarah wins via a .009 percent margin.

By Dave Hedgehog on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 07:19 pm:

Never had a big brother

By indigo on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 10:15 pm:

I never really liked Big Brother - I watched it for a week once, and developed massive hatred for a few people, who were soon voted out. After that it lost its appeal. I didn't phone up on principal - the company made £30,000 an episode off those phone calls.

"That money talks, is not a lie,
I heard it once, it said "goodbye"

By th on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 11:12 pm:

I only watched one episode. It was the one of nasty nick getting kicked out. People told me that I'd caught the most exciting thing that's happened on it since the beginning and I thought if that's as good as it got I'd just leave it there...

I wrote the above epic on the back of newspaper and radio stories about it... much more exciting....

By BIG BRETT on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 11:55 pm:

OK then:
The lads : Me, Dave Hedgehog, Ian, Stavros, The juggler.
The girls : Cazza, Tam, Keondra, Julia, porkifuckingblahblahblahbitchwiththelongnamecornios

Week 1: goes smoothly as everyone tries to get to know eachother and gets used to the cameras and Keondra and Cazza just edge into public vote and Keondra loses out by just 1% which was made up by her boyfriend who was starting to gag for it.


Week 2: people start to get pissed off with big brett as he starts to reveal his nasty side by constantly farting in public and being arrogant, it looks as if he's going and is nominated to public vote along with porky....however, a few hours before the line poll closes big brett punches stavros in the face thus enhancing his popularity with the public and people vote big brett to stay which displeases many members of the big brett household.


Week 3: Big brett and Stavros have a war of words and just piss everyone off basically so they are put to public vote by everybody which really spices things up, however, stavros gives me a taste of my own medicine and punches me in the face and i loose the vote. when the results are announced i trash the house and put stavros in hospital for a week but he will come back
i get huge press attention and get known as bad brett and end up in hollywood


Week 4: I shall reveal later cuz i cant be arsed just now

By Lucky on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 01:50 pm:

My Chemistry teacher went to school with Nasty Nick. That's my claim to fame. He didn't like him much.

By Chris on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 06:23 pm:

One of my friends is Nasty Nick's cousin - he's got a photo of Nick in a kilt at a family wedding, and is considering selling it to a tabloid newspaper.

By BRETT on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 09:39 pm:

HEY!
WHO SAID YOU COULD INTERUPT MY STORY LITTLE BOYZ?!
OK

Week 4: Ian, The jugglar, Dave Hedgehog, Stavros, Cazza, Tam, Julia still in da house (missing brett)
Stavros returns from hospital later in the week after someone shoved a lamp up his arse. Dave Hedgehog, normally quiet begins to make comments that he has had all the women that have entered the house (which he probably has!) and the people confront him and he ends up being put to public vote along with Cazza.
However, the public love Dave Hedgehog along with everyone else and Cazza goes.

Week 5: then there were 6 left
Julia and Tam become worse enemies and Tam secretly reveals to Ian that she wants to go because she misses Big Brett so she is put to public vote as Ian spreads this in a fit of giggles. Stavros is also put to public vote because he reveals he wants to get out and twat Big Brett. A big pole votes Stavros out at 80% as many of the male viewers fancy Tam and want to eventually see her get her kit off.

Week 6: Last 5. Ian and Tam share a romp under the sheets which boosts ratings and they have to do a task of circus tricks, however the juggler gets a bit carried away with the juggling which he is only supposed to do for 30 seconds and does it for 3 days before collapsing with exhaustion.
Dave Hedgehog and Tam are put to public vote but Dave finally goes after an appeal by the members of the house that they will all go insane if he stays any longer so the public vote him out so he can become a huge star on a new TV series.

Week 7: Only Tam, Ian, The Juggler and Julia left.
The house is pretty lifeless since all the fun people have gone and everyone except for Tam is put to public vote. Julia is voted out because she is getting bored and no one really knows her anyway.
Julia takes the final eviction.

Week 8:
THE FINAL 3
Tam, Ian, The Juggler.

WHO WILL WIN?

VOTE NOW!

By th on Tuesday, September 19, 2000 - 11:18 pm:

can people left in the house vote?

If so I'm voting that ian leaves.

No wait, do we vote for who we want to win or who we want to leave?

By cazza on Wednesday, September 20, 2000 - 04:36 pm:

I think we vote for who we want to win..
I vote for Luke (the juggler)

why do I have to be out so quickly everytime?
can't anyone write a Big Brother *ting* where I saty more than 3 weeks? please.. lol

By Lord Linpac Sacks on Wednesday, September 20, 2000 - 09:15 pm:

I vote for that wonderful gentleman Ian.
I do profess, Garage is tripe.

By Sir Redgely the Hippo on Wednesday, September 20, 2000 - 09:18 pm:

Undoobededly, old chum.
I also vote for Ian. I went to Reading with him and he was a bit like...a panther, who was well spoken but wasn't afraid to get into the moshpit for Rage Against the Machine.

By Ian on Wednesday, September 20, 2000 - 09:21 pm:

I vote for Tam, Sir Redgely. Just to reach the final is a dream come true, and I'm bound to get in all sorts of adverts now thanks to my Tam romp.
But I did like the panther analogy, so thank you.

By Sir Redgely the Hippo on Wednesday, September 20, 2000 - 09:24 pm:

Whatever. I was only voting for you cos you'd bitch if I didn't. I can't say I ever watched Big Brother much at Redgely Mansions- Give me that nice Anne Robinson and her lovely new game show any day of the week.

By Lord Linpac Sacks on Wednesday, September 20, 2000 - 09:26 pm:

I must say "th" seems quite the fool, it quite clearly says "Who should win?" and yet he voted for someone NOT to win. Deary me, what a silly character he truly is.

By indigo on Wednesday, September 20, 2000 - 09:30 pm:

Oh God, that link thing? Did they give her the script and say, hey here's a show where you can act like a stupid bitch that can't act, say "goodbye" in a stupid voice 8 times an episode, tell the panel how dumb they are and generally piss the country off?

Hmmm, it's my favourite show.

By Sir Redgely the Hippo on Wednesday, September 20, 2000 - 09:44 pm:

It's good to find a fellow friend. I like it when she goes "Bobby, why have you nomitated Derek?" and you just want them to shout "I'M NOT GONNA NOMINATE MYSELF AM I YOU STUPID HARLOT! AT LEAST I HAVEN'T GOT GINGER PUBES, TWATGIBBON!"
Sorry folks, lost it a bit there. But she does make me so very angry!

By BRETT on Wednesday, September 20, 2000 - 10:21 pm:

VOTES SO FAR

IAN : 2
TAM : 1
LUKE : 1

DONT LET IAN WIN FOR FECK SAKE!

I WENT ON TO BECOME A SUPER MODEL BY THE WAY AFTER I LEFT THE HOUSEHOLD SO I AM GOING TO BE REALLY SNOBBY AND NOT TURN UP TO THE CEREMONY AND SLAG ALL THE HOUSEMATES OFF AS COMMON AND ACCUSE THEM FOR TEAMING UP ON ME

I THINK I'LL GIVE YOU 2 MORE DAYS TO VOTE. IT DEPENDS WHETHER IANS WINNING OR NOT

CAN I VOTE?

IF I CAN I VOTE FOR LUKE

By cazcaz on Thursday, September 21, 2000 - 08:54 am:

of course you can vote. why not?
yay c'mon vote on everyone!
(vote for Luke)

By Bea on Thursday, September 21, 2000 - 08:57 am:

Luke to win!

By Stavros on Thursday, September 21, 2000 - 06:40 pm:

Ian told me to come online and vote for him. So I have.

By BRETT on Thursday, September 21, 2000 - 09:58 pm:

HEY! IAN ISN'T ALLOWED TO TALK TO ANYONE
IF HE WAS AN EVEN HALF DECENT BLOKE HE WOULD LOCK HIMSELF AWAY IN HIS ROOM AND NOT MAKE CONTACT WITH ANYONE UNTIL THIS IS OVER

By Arresting Occifer on Friday, September 22, 2000 - 06:29 am:

Never have I seen a panther "speaking well", nor have I ever seen a panther in a moshpit - though, personally, I have often considered releasing a wild animal (goat, feral cat, bear, wild horse) into a moshpit, just to see what happens. I like the mental image a lot.

By cazza on Friday, September 22, 2000 - 12:55 pm:

can I vote again?
cos I really want Luke to win...
I vote for Luke..

By anonymously bastard on Friday, September 22, 2000 - 12:56 pm:

I definately vote for Luke. he's great.

By Ian on Friday, September 22, 2000 - 06:28 pm:

Well that wasn't really Stavros- it was me. I just know thats what he'd say in that situation.

Just let that Luke guy win, me and Tam don't give a monkeys. Bare in mind I was going to give my prize money to finance a sick child's surgery. I was going to convert her into a dragon like creature. Cool, no?

By BRETT on Friday, September 22, 2000 - 10:20 pm:

AWWWWW IAN! I CAN SEE YOU AND TAM SOBBING YOUR EYES OUT BUT IT DOESNT MATTER
IM SURE YOU WILL GET OVER IT
LET BIG BRETT GIVE YOU BOTH A BIG BRETT HUG. YOU BEEN FANTASTIC CONTESTANTS.
CONGRATULATIONS LUKE I AM DECLARING YOU THE WINNER BUT CAN I OWE YOU THE £70,000?

By Foxy Lady on Saturday, September 23, 2000 - 10:31 am:

Hey, this kinda Big Brother is far more interesting than the ones on tv...now every gawd damn country around the world has a BB house...wannabes aye? Don't you think that sucks? Hey Luke, what ya gonna do with all the money, in case you ever get 'em??

By Joe on Saturday, September 23, 2000 - 11:32 am:

How dare you not make lucky win! I'd vote for her ANY DAY. But I would vote for sarah and tam too I spose.

By th on Saturday, September 23, 2000 - 11:43 am:

I'm going to go to disney land!!!

By Ian on Saturday, September 23, 2000 - 06:11 pm:

Would anyone else like to pledge money to the "Make little Elsie into a dragon-like creature" fund? Imagine it! A dragon-themed kid! Hmmm....

By Thomas Williams on Sunday, September 24, 2000 - 10:48 pm:

Yeah!

By Joe on Thursday, September 28, 2000 - 07:46 pm:

Ian, where the fuck did that come from?

By Barry Norman on Sunday, January 13, 2002 - 11:17 pm:

I like this topic, it is a classic.
One of my favourites...

By th lukas on Monday, January 14, 2002 - 12:40 am:

I just read the whole thing again and noticed some things which I'm going to point to:

In the first story which was written by anonymouse (me) the characters are andy, rsp, O.o.O., thjgglr, Tom_hanks, tich, julia, piglet, keondra and cazza. How many of these still chat or post hereabouts? One. Me. Maybe Liam (O.o.O.) but I'm not sure.

Ian, Eddy, Dave, Joe, BB, Sarah, Lucky, Cazza, Tam, Porcenainfuckingoceans. Same here too. I'm suddenly feeling all nostalgic.

"Not only music, but short stories as well...
this man is a genius!" - Bea. ARGH!!! ARGH!!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!!

"can I vote again? cos I really want Luke to win... I vote for Luke.." - I didn't notice at the time, Cazza was routing for me quite enthusiastically too. Not sure why.

I won.

I spent my money on a trip to disneyland.

Where has Foxy Lady got to?

I'm going to enter to be in bigbrother this year. Good idea or not? (still not watched it, it looks like good fun though)

By Cam on Monday, January 14, 2002 - 02:25 am:

Funny, I 'm gonna try too..hehe
It'd be weird ending up in the same Big Brother house!!
How about we all try it?

By Davina on Monday, January 14, 2002 - 02:36 am:

Big Brother is good.

So no, Luke, don't go on it.

By BIG BRETT on Monday, January 14, 2002 - 10:51 pm:

I REMEMBER STARTING THAT TOPIC FUCKING AGES AGO!
HAHAHABOOMBOOM!
I'M GOING TO BE THE STAR OF NEXT SUMMERS BIG BROTHER AND NO ONE WILL WANT TO LEAVE BECAUSE THEY WILL ENJOY LIVING IN THE SAME HOUSE AS ME SO MUCH! NO DOUBT I'LL WIN BUT IT WOULD BE NICE IF ONE OR TWO OTHER PEOPLE FROM COPING GOT IN!

By Butter~Twirrélist on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 11:12 am:

Once I saw an interview with the guy who won the Dutch version of Big Brother. He said of his fans that they all needed to "get lives". I mean, DUH, how arrogant and stupid is that? Like he'd gotten famous for doing something noble & important & had just been placed against his will in a position of unwanted celebrity!
Good luck to anyone trying out, though. It'd be bizarre if not one but two Copers could win. Truth is stranger than fiction, so you never know.

I remember Andy1 began a somewhat awful "Big Brother" sequel topic & used to write to me pleading that I join in, and I did, but was practically the only person who did. It was most embarrassing.

By Hard Bear on Sunday, July 21, 2002 - 10:20 pm:

How many Big Brother topics do we need?