| By Anonymous on Wednesday, August 30, 2000 - 12:54 am: |
youre all twats!
| By Also Anonymous on Wednesday, August 30, 2000 - 02:03 am: |
Right on, Anon! Grrr...heavily restraining myself from adding anything more. Don't want to burst a lot of bubbles.
I don't know why intelligent people think they have to pretend to be Graham in order to be liked. Especially when they have so much going for them as it is. It isn't necessary.
| By tam on Wednesday, August 30, 2000 - 11:04 pm: |
ahhh hehe omg weird...i just saw a graham sorta look alike today...he was at orientation at ocad...
| By Arresting Occifer on Thursday, August 31, 2000 - 09:16 am: |
But how do you know what they've got going for them if they are impersonating someone else?
Everything that you think you like in them might be part of the act...
Dont you think?
| By porcelainfuckingoceans on Thursday, August 31, 2000 - 12:42 pm: |
People are actually pretending to be Graham?? uhm.
You were right Anon, they are all twats.
| By Lucky on Friday, September 1, 2000 - 09:07 am: |
That's just SO not funny. I mean, what if some poor, gullible sod actually believed them and then... well it's just such a mean thing to do, messing with people like that.
| By Joe on Friday, September 1, 2000 - 09:12 pm: |
I know. At Meltdown there was this roadie and he looked just like graham...and he's standing at the edge of the stage and we're like "graham! graham!" and he wasn'r him. Suucks. Although if I need glasses I would get ones like his. Natch.
| By Mr Graham Coxon on Saturday, September 2, 2000 - 09:57 pm: |
I'm the real Coxon yes I'm the real Coxon all these other Graham Coxons are just imitating
I said would the real Graham Coxon please stand up please stand up!
| By Lucky on Sunday, September 3, 2000 - 09:07 am: |
Have you never heard of commas or something?
| By Dave Hedgehog on Wednesday, September 6, 2000 - 06:16 am: |
Mr. Coxon is a gentleman
| By porcelainfuckingoceans on Wednesday, September 6, 2000 - 07:12 am: |
I bet he is.
| By schmee on Saturday, September 16, 2000 - 12:32 am: |
i am a gentleman
| By Butter~Twirré on Wednesday, September 20, 2000 - 04:37 pm: |
Shame "Dolemite" isn't.
| By Thomas Williams on Sunday, September 24, 2000 - 10:41 pm: |
Yeah!
| By Thomas Williams impostor being Graham Coxon impostor impostor on Monday, October 23, 2000 - 03:16 pm: |
yay yeah
| By boy on Monday, October 23, 2000 - 06:45 pm: |
Look, I can do that as well, wait for it........
Yeah! hahahahahahahahahahaha aren't I funny. In fact I think I'll do it again and again. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Thomas Williams is a comedy genius!
| By Butter~Twirré on Friday, July 27, 2001 - 09:46 pm: |
Oooh, by gum, it's almost an entire year since my illusions were rudely shattered and I realized I'd been in touch with a Graham Coxon Internet impostor.
Smug, RL people who never use the Internet because it's full of "freaks" never realize just how FREAKY those freaks truly are. I mean, you can easily imagine someone pretending to be from Blur for a joke, maybe in a chatroom for a little while, but putting THIS much effort into it [see below]? I still marvel at it. I'm impressed by the imagination, if nothing else.
From : "Graham Coxon" dolemite2_2000@hotmail.com
To : "Ana Charrier"
beestung30@hotmail.com
Subject :
Re:
Hiya. sorry bout last night/this a.m. I got into a real weezily funk. shoulda legged it as soon as it came upon me. shouldn't put that shit on you. sorry. then you were so nice and gave me that unexpected hug ["Graham's" referring to an Internet hug here] and it nearly made me cry. when people are nice to me i feel so surprised and shit and when i'm down like that, it just touches me deeply. so, um, cheers for that, Anastasia, I do appreciate your heart.
I got really paranoid about seeing her today. [Graham's daughter, "Pepper"] After that fucking letter they went into 'hiding' and then i thought what if someone follows me there? shit! so i drove round and round and round (nearly got lost in the process) and acted like a big fucking idjit. put boot black on my face and crawled along the pavement on my belly. (kidding). it was bliss to hold her in my arms again and hear those beatufil coos and smell her. i love smelling her. she smells so fresh and pure and babyful. took more pictures of her just doing everything - which isn't really much yet - but i sit and watch her forever. fed her, burped her, changed her nappy and whispered all sorts of wonky secrets to her. fell asleep with her in the bed with pillows all proper round so she couldn't fall off. was ever so lovely waking to see HER watching ME. perhaps there is a God after all.
am back home - alone again. working on that song. it's coming along well. got the pictures done at the 1 hr. shop and popped them in the post to Mum + Dad. nuffin much else here.
how's it going with you? i hope i didn't put you off too much last night/this a.m. and make you think, 'Lord! what is wrong with that man?'
anyroad, hope we can talk some time again. soon.
love,
graham
| By Chris on Saturday, July 28, 2001 - 01:09 am: |
LOL
| By The Occifer on Saturday, July 28, 2001 - 06:45 pm: |
I had $35 of credit at Emma's Bookshop, so I purchased, amongst other things, a book called "GREAT IMPOSTERS". I find it hard to believe that a book could get all the way to the printing stage without ANYONE realising the title was spelt incorrectly! I mean, you can forgive old Jen, but not an entire publishing house... It's like if Dolemite was spelling it "Graham Coxen" or something. The book is pretty cool though.
Actually, Butter~Twirré, I was only recently telling someone about that little incident you were involved in. She's studying some relevant subject at Uni, and so I felt obliged to fill her in. She was fascinated. It's quite a story, even if I dont quite have my facts in correct chronological order. It screeches "Welcome to the Internet!" almost as adeptly as your modem!
| By Butter~Twirré on Sunday, July 29, 2001 - 11:25 am: |
It certainly does. And I'd like to write a more enthusiastic response than that, but I'm feeling a little washed out.
But suffice to say I'm willing to fill in those gaps where ever they're most gaping. It'd help in the, shall we say, chronological epiphany if other people taken in by that particular Coxon Conspiracy would speak up about it, but after they realized they'd been had, people didn't want to look like human beasts, capable of error, and so...they never uttered the name again.
Btw there's a perfume out called "IMPOSTER". I wonder if it was created by the same people who thought up, "Yesterday is history/Tomorrow is a mystery/TODAY IS A GIFT"?
Something to think about.
| By seymour on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 04:11 pm: |
The past is history,
the future is a mystery,
now is a gift
- that's whay its called the present
I'd rather be an alex impostor anyway, cos i always wanted to be called 'louche'
| By Anonymous on Sunday, January 13, 2002 - 11:43 pm: |
oh jesus its that disease ridden slapper Butter~Twirré.
| By The Occifer on Monday, January 14, 2002 - 09:30 am: |
I saw Gywnef Patwow on Letterman the other night. My flatmate SALLY was saying "Look at her! She's smashed! She's wasted! I havent seen someone that zonked on TV since Debbie Harry in the Heart Of Glass video." I then enraged her by saying that I thought the Shallow Hal promotional posters hadnt been airbrushed at all. "Are you trying to tell me she really has tits like that?" Sally asked. "Yeah," I said. Sally's eyes were wide. "And an ass like that?" I responded "Yeah" again. Sally was reduced to shrieking "NO ONE HAS TITS OR AN ASS LIKE SHE DOES IN THAT PHOTO!"... which, admittedly, is almost true.
Oh, Anonymous? Fook off!
| By Butter Twirrélist on Monday, January 14, 2002 - 10:31 am: |
HAHA BOOM BOOM. Is Anonymous from the Cockroach Liberation Army, are they just a disgruntled Graham Coxon impostor, or what? I mean, what's your fucking point?!
Oh, and Occifer - I have similar debates with my brother over whether or not Jamie Oliver snorts Whizz or Cocaine before filming his TV show. We both think the answer is probably 'Yes'. Those eyes! That forehead! And the way he speaks!
He never shows any signs of paranoia though, so maybe we're wrong. Or else Jamie knows where to find THE BLOODY GOOD "GEAR"!
| By The Occifer on Monday, January 14, 2002 - 05:26 pm: |
I also think the answer is probably 'Yes'. Those eyes, indeed.
| By Anonymous on Monday, January 14, 2002 - 10:47 pm: |
blah blah blah blah blah
| By BIG BRETT on Monday, January 14, 2002 - 10:53 pm: |
F.A.O ANONYMOUS:
YOU ARE AN UGLY, PATHETIC, THICK AS PIG-SHIT, BORING OLD DEPRESSING BASTARD AND I HATE YOU! GO FUCK YOURSELF! TRY AND FIND A PROPER NAME SO I CAN POKE FUN AT IT YOU WANKER
| By Anonymous on Monday, January 14, 2002 - 11:42 pm: |
ha ha nice one! i know how you feel,matey...
| By Butter~Twirrélist on Tuesday, January 15, 2002 - 12:21 pm: |
Brett does raise an excellent point. Look, from the choice of topic all I can think of is that you're trying to ask if I was "Dolemite" or watch my reaction to a broad "hint", and the answer is no, no, no, no, NO. That wasn't me. Jesus. Otherwise, if you find me so irritating, stop following me around all over this board.
| By Dolemite's wanking partner on Wednesday, January 16, 2002 - 09:23 pm: |
what a sad little cunt you are.
| By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 22, 2002 - 12:15 am: |
teehee. cheers!
| By That Diseased Ridden Slapper, Butter~Twirré on Friday, April 19, 2002 - 10:41 am: |
(One from the vaults.)
dolemite2_2000: hi. i realise it's like 5 a.m.ish there (innit?) and hopefully yer all nestled snug in yer bed, but on the off chance yer up, hello. reading yer email just, now enjoying it. yer mind is fascinating. i love yer enthusiasm over the conspiracy theories, etc., amongst other things.
spyrakite: Embarrassingly enough, I AM here!
dolemite2_2000: HEY! how the hell are ya darlin?
spyrakite: Happy as a mung bean.....um, un momentino, Gray....
dolemite2_2000: sure
spyrakite: ~backums~
spyrakite: How did the entertaining go?
dolemite2_2000: oh, it's still ongoing. this was the friend in NY i was telling you bout. she was sorta my keeper several years back and she now finds herself in a horrendous divorce. her husband's just been arrested for shoving their 9 year old down a flight of stairs.
dolemite2_2000: so, she and her 2 daughters are staying here with me.
spyrakite: Oh dear!
spyrakite: She just arrived, oui?
dolemite2_2000: they're VERY nice people and we picked up where we left off only she's ever so happy i am no longer the horrid drunk i was back then. her daughters only have memories of me that way,
dolemite2_2000: so they were a bit trepidatious (sp?) in coming. but they've taken to me rather nicely.
dolemite2_2000: yes.
spyrakite: Oh, it's lovely of you to, um, "take them in", though, for want of a better way of putting it. Trepidatious sounds correct to me.
spyrakite: I'm sure they would...take to you nicely, that is
dolemite2_2000: yeh, well...ya do what ya can
spyrakite: Yessums. Tut~tut. I'm frightfully sorry, my mind has gone a little blank here...wasn't expecting to see you
spyrakite: Will they be staying for long?
spyrakite: Sounds like a potentially aggreived query!
dolemite2_2000: yeh. thanks. feeling a bit daddish though. which is strange.
dolemite2_2000: it's nice but strange.
dolemite2_2000: it's awful to look at a bruised child.
dolemite2_2000: makes me cry
dolemite2_2000: took her for a long walk in the Park and told her i had to take her hand cause she's not used to traffic coming round the other way and she said, oh, i was gonna hold yer hand anyway. didn't half make me all teary and shit.
dolemite2_2000: she likes to draw sharks, so we sat for a while and drew em. it was funny. she had her sharks eat everything i drew. so, knowing me, (haha) i started to think it was an anger thing towards me. so i drew more cack and then a figure that looked like me. her sharks ate everything but me. whew! was relieved.
spyrakite: Bloody hell! That all came out at once!!! ~scrolling~
dolemite2_2000: i've been bounced again! and ya probably didn't get anything i wrote and i probably didn't get anything YOU wrote! blah!
dolemite2_2000: what's the last thing ya got from me?
spyrakite: Oh, I know what you mean. I look after this little boy sometimes, and he always rushes at me, shouting, "ANA! HUGGIES!" Coz his mother believes "boys" shouldn't be cuddled. I hate that philosophy. If ever I have a little boy, I'll cuddle him just as much as I would a girl
spyrakite: The sharks eating everything but you....
dolemite2_2000: definitely!
dolemite2_2000: oh, good. ya got it then.
dolemite2_2000: yeh. i dunno why some parents think that way. everybody needs affection.
spyrakite: His mum hates it, tells him off because he always wants me to pick him up and cuddle him....makes me feel all mumsy!
dolemite2_2000: it's a very nice feeling, innit?
spyrakite: Yeah, of course they do
spyrakite: It's lovely
spyrakite: Because you know it's sincere, somehow.
spyrakite: Although I guess I could be insincere when I was little...haha
dolemite2_2000: was just replying to yer latest email - yeh, with kids it is genuine. unless they're sneaky little buggers trying to butter you up for something. ahaha
dolemite2_2000: hahahaahahaha - jinx
dolemite2_2000: when is yer paper due?
spyrakite: Oh, that ~ it's due at the end of the semester, but I have to hand in this proposal thing by next Wednesday.
spyrakite: It might sound easy, but...I dunno.
dolemite2_2000: i think you should go for it.
spyrakite: Well, perhaps.
spyrakite: Maybe I'll just drop out and go and hug trees somewhere.
dolemite2_2000: does yer mum know yer still awake?
spyrakite: I don't think so.
dolemite2_2000: there are some lovely trees in the UK
spyrakite: We'd all know about it, if she did.
dolemite2_2000: is she up?
dolemite2_2000: hahahaha
spyrakite: Yeah, I remember. Same in France and Ireland. I hope I can go back to there one day.
dolemite2_2000: mmm...
dolemite2_2000 (Sun Jul 23 22:20:45 2000): hullo. you there?
Yahoo! Messenger: dolemite2_2000 may be offline. If so, the message will still be sent and they will see it next time they log in.
spyrakite: Um, I'm here NOW, my dear, but I'm not sure how long ago you asked the question!
dolemite2_2000: hello
spyrakite: Obviously I wasn't. Here, that is. Ah, bless your heart, just opened hotmail! Another email from you. Thank~you!
spyrakite: Oh, bloody hell, you ARE there
dolemite2_2000: yeh
dolemite2_2000: you reading it?
spyrakite: No, about to open it....
dolemite2_2000: i'll whistle whilst ya read.
dolemite2_2000: have you been bounced? says yer not there now. was it something i said?
spyrakite: Nope, just on invisible. Thanks for the email, I'll finish reading it later
spyrakite: How are you, Gray?
dolemite2_2000: oh. ok. have to figure out how to do that invisible thingy when i want to be elusive.
dolemite2_2000: dandy. how are YOU? is everything alright???
spyrakite: Um...you COULD retry MSN if you like. I think what you need to do is 'Add' me...
dolemite2_2000: that was horrid trying to get that. i think. can't remember. shall have to ask Dave - my computer 'Simon' geek. family emergency resolved?
spyrakite: Oh, I'm OK. My mum just throws these horrible fits of rage, and tends to pick on me a bit while she's throwing them
dolemite2_2000: crikey! how unfair and unfortunate. tempers are frightening things.
spyrakite: Depressingly enough, I'm probably geeky enough to 'talk' you through it. But guess it's not that...vital
dolemite2_2000: does it work that much better than this? i'm willing if you are.
spyrakite: Yeah, thanks.....I'm, well, FRIGHTENED of tempers, especially hers
dolemite2_2000: perhaps you could slip her some St. John's Wort. might help even her out.
spyrakite: Well, you can hide from people a lot more easily. And from a purely selfish perspective, it makes MY compooter crash a lot less often
spyrakite: ~rofl!~ You know what? I HAVE contemplated grinding up Valium in her coffee!
dolemite2_2000: not a bad notion. though don't quote me, please.
dolemite2_2000: new song: Coffee + Valium.
spyrakite: ~smiles~ I liked your title better then Damon's, I was just about to say
dolemite2_2000: crikey. am all jittery now from this fucking caffeine.
dolemite2_2000: Damon's?
spyrakite: The song you wrote about in your email
dolemite2_2000: oh. yeh. right. cheers. so you ARE reading it.
spyrakite: I read the start of it, oui oui
dolemite2_2000: all the way home
spyrakite: Like your iddy biddy toes!
dolemite2_2000: hahaha yeh. you got it! it's nice when someone gets me
spyrakite: ~gigglage~ It's nice since YOU get ME so very, very often.
dolemite2_2000: point out when i don't eh and i'll try harder.
dolemite2_2000: i like floating along like so much flotsam on the stream of consciousness though sometimes i get banged against a boulder before going down the rapids
spyrakite: Ditto. I keep wondering....
dolemite2_2000: bout what?
spyrakite: Oh, just about the MSN thang. It doesn't matter.
dolemite2_2000: yeh. let's do it. tell me how.
dolemite2_2000: please
spyrakite: Are you REALLY serious? Sorry, I'm so paranoid. Just can't tell if you're making fun of me sometimes.
spyrakite: Sorry
spyrakite: I suck
dolemite2_2000: what?! #1 i am NOT making fun of you. #2 you don't suck. #3 make me stop numbering.
dolemite2_2000: haha
dolemite2_2000: shall i make notations about how to do this?
spyrakite: Well, let's do it, anyhow....haha, nah
spyrakite: And thanks, it's not THAT hard...
dolemite2_2000: right ho.
spyrakite: I mean, you installed it, oui?
dolemite2_2000: did i?
dolemite2_2000: mind's numb.
dolemite2_2000: hold me hand and walk me through it ok?
spyrakite: Well, you said in an email that you did, but that I 'didn't appear'. So I figured....Yup, to your last
spyrakite: comment, that is.
dolemite2_2000: where do i go?
dolemite2_2000: spaz city here
dolemite2_2000: is it through hotmail or something?
spyrakite: Well, if you DID install it, go to 'Start', and click on 'Programmes'
dolemite2_2000: ok. hold on.
spyrakite: And if you see MSN on the list, open sesame! Do the double click
dolemite2_2000: it says the service could not be found. now what?
spyrakite: Um, um....ok, is there a little symbol (green on my comp) at the bottom right of the screen? Shaped a bit like....a pyramid, sorta
spyrakite: At the VERY bottom
dolemite2_2000: yeh
dolemite2_2000: with balls on top
dolemite2_2000: tried to log on again. still says service can't be found.
spyrakite: Sounds promising then! On my comp, it's just one ball, however....um, try double clicking on it
spyrakite: Oh dear
dolemite2_2000: did
dolemite2_2000: going to be ill. be in a minute.
spyrakite: So....you entered your password and everything, and it STILL doesn't work?
dolemite2_2000: back. no. says service somming.
dolemite2_2000: ack
spyrakite: Did you write your email address and password into the log in thing that comes up?
dolemite2_2000: email name was already there. just had to put in password.
spyrakite: dolemite2_2000@hotmail.com , and password, and it still doesn't work? Oh well. Moot.
dolemite2_2000: am re downloading it. perhaps it'll go.
dolemite2_2000: 50 seconds to go
dolemite2_2000: 20
spyrakite: Really hope you don't think me an aggravating fucker about this. Yeah, I know. You've told me I'm not, but all the same
spyrakite: Lift off yet?
dolemite2_2000: your not. it's still on the Start Download thing. but it finished.
dolemite2_2000: now what?
spyrakite: Umm....I'm NOT that good at this, Graham! Um, um ~ maybe I ought to do too so I know exactly what's on your screen
spyrakite: do SO too, rather
spyrakite: Actually, I will. Shouldn't take long
dolemite2_2000: fug! got to the signing in bit but now it says MSN Messenger Service failed because the service could not be found. please make sure that you are connected to the Interfuckingnet! now what?
spyrakite: Oh, it does that sometimes.
dolemite2_2000: it's trying to sign in again.
dolemite2_2000: nope. i AM fucking connected to the fucking Internet!
spyrakite: Hehe, I know, I get that message too! It's the service, not you.
spyrakite: It'll come good. Don't matter now
dolemite2_2000: what am i doing wrong?
spyrakite: Nothing, from what you're telling me
dolemite2_2000: getting me wound up now
spyrakite: Um ~ I'm gonna redownload it on mine and see what happens
dolemite2_2000: do i hafta get outta yahoo to do it? is that the hitch?
spyrakite: COULD be, actually! Well done, Sherlock!
spyrakite: But don't quote me
dolemite2_2000: feeling rather petulant now.
spyrakite: Not with me, I hope. It was just a suggestion for how you could be invisible, pet, that's all. Cripes ~ sounding condescending, aren't I?
spyrakite: Yes, she is
dolemite2_2000: noooo - not at you, at this fucking VOID shit. sorry. not very adroit here.
spyrakite: Nick 'talks me through' several IM's, believe me. I become every bit as gwumpy, I assure you
dolemite2_2000: not adroit in the void
dolemite2_2000: please don't speak to me of nick.
dolemite2_2000: esp. not at a time like this.
spyrakite: I hate it when people start up about 'search engine's" and URL's and use all this computer jargon...hope I've explained it a bit more simply than that. Evidently not, since it didn't work
dolemite2_2000: sorry. feeling fidgety and shit.
dolemite2_2000: you explained it fine. it's me. it's always me. perhaps it's the computer as well. won't be such a flipping martyr.
spyrakite: What's the matter? Everything ok? I feel VERY fidgety myself.
spyrakite: Not just saying that to imitate you, either
dolemite2_2000: sorry.
dolemite2_2000: feeling ill is all.
dolemite2_2000: and frustrated.
dolemite2_2000: hate to feel stoopid and beaten by a machine.
spyrakite: In what way do you feel ill, Dole~Boy, if I may call you that?
dolemite2_2000: and the photo shop promised they'd have my pictures ready and they're not. fug.
dolemite2_2000: please don't.
dolemite2_2000: um..frank.
spyrakite: Yeah, you are
spyrakite: I just like making up pet names for people I like, iz all
dolemite2_2000: i am what?
spyrakite: Frank
dolemite2_2000: i'm not frank. that's what i call my ulcer.
spyrakite: ~grim laugh~
dolemite2_2000: why grim?
dolemite2_2000: don't we name our anatomy bits?
spyrakite: I'm not in a very good mood and it seems you're not either. Hence, I laugh grimly.
spyrakite: Yeah, I guess we do. Name our anatomy bits, that is
dolemite2_2000: sorry. shall we begin again? Hello. Stasia. How's it hanging?
spyrakite: Hehe, gotta admit, that was one thing! You NEVER call me by name! Sorry, but little things like that....I'm an overly sensitive, neurotic idiot far too often. Thank~you.
spyrakite: I'm OK, just a bit nervous. Gotta compose an email to my teacher. How are YOU?
spyrakite: Sorry
dolemite2_2000: Is that your REAL name? I never know with you and yer multimonikers.
dolemite2_2000: sorry for what?
dolemite2_2000: you email yer teacher?
spyrakite: Sorry for the outburst. And yeah, it is my real name. I could really infuriate you by quid pro~quoing you on that!
dolemite2_2000: infuriate me? am confused again. golly, you confuse me often. thought it was a name you liked, not yer real one.
spyrakite: I've never emailed him before, but I'd rather do it then have to speak to him over the phone or summat
dolemite2_2000: sorry.
spyrakite: You really thought that?!
spyrakite: Wow
dolemite2_2000: yeh. at first i thought it was yer name, then thought it was just like a dolemite thing. dunno. very confused here. T. Mazzy Pam, anacondite and shit.
spyrakite: Funny, that never occured to me
dolemite2_2000: what never occurred to you? CONFUSED here. help.
dolemite2_2000: Hello. I'm Confused Coxon. How are you, Anastasia?
spyrakite: It never occurred to me, that the same way I don't REALLY KNOW if your name is Graham, you likewise don't really know if my name is Anastasia
spyrakite: I'm befuddled!
dolemite2_2000: my name IS Graham! i'm gonna tell me mum!
dolemite2_2000: befuddled and pixallated. nice words.
dolemite2_2000: is yer surname really Romanov? Yer dad was French?
spyrakite: They are, they are. I know what I'm in need of...
spyrakite: oh, no!
spyrakite: That was a joke!
spyrakite: Of course that's not my surname!
spyrakite: Hehe, don't blame you now!
dolemite2_2000: see? that's how gullible i am. Gullible's Travels.
spyrakite: I got an email from an exboyfriend of mine telling me I was being a gullible moron to accept your identity at face value, btw.
dolemite2_2000: oh, good. 1 thing i'm NOT blamed for. phew!
spyrakite: ~again, brb~
spyrakite: You there still?
dolemite2_2000: hums Mozart and slips into jewish song
dolemite2_2000: hey, can i ask ya something?
spyrakite: You can ask me anything you like, Graham
spyrakite: i trust you
dolemite2_2000: can you explain that bit about talking with damon?
spyrakite: Um, I THINK so....let me just peep at yer email and I'll try to explain it point by point....
dolemite2_2000: instead of I Am A Camera, I Am Confused.
spyrakite: STILL?
dolemite2_2000: perpetually
spyrakite: Any way, hang on...
spyrakite: So am I. Confused as fuggery
dolemite2_2000: being confused is one of my strengths.
dolemite2_2000: gigglage and fuggery. like that.
spyrakite: One of your charms, my dear...
spyrakite: OK
spyrakite: A:
dolemite2_2000: gigglage and fuggery - fat free, no energies
spyrakite: I was referring to speaking to Sirharris for 10 minutes
dolemite2_2000: thought you'd said 3.
spyrakite: That time I messaged him, remember?
spyrakite: Ok, towards the end of our last chat, when he was at your house feeding you tarts, I got confused because....
dolemite2_2000: yeh, but i thought ya said 3 minutes. oh, doesn't matter. just got confused. thought you thought he was talking to ya when he came by with the tarts. sorry. was very knackered. and hungry.
dolemite2_2000: jinx
spyrakite: ...ed
spyrakite: I was referring to TWO occasions
dolemite2_2000: thoguht so. perhaps i'm not as confused as i thought.
spyrakite: If you knew of all the various Damon's and Graham's apparently around on the internet, you'd be even more confused, love.
spyrakite: Hehe, sorry!
dolemite2_2000: oh. fug them.
spyrakite: Yupperama's. Oh dear...shall we start AGAIN?
dolemite2_2000: Hello. I'm Graham. *shakes hand*. You must be Anastasia. How do you do?
dolemite2_2000: did ya read the email?
spyrakite: No, I haven't finished it yet. Nothing nasty in it, is there?
dolemite2_2000: don't think so. was trying to be nice.
spyrakite: And for the record, my full name is Anastasia Katharine Charrier.
spyrakite: Too many A's!
dolemite2_2000: that's quite lovely.
dolemite2_2000: thank you.
dolemite2_2000: A's are nice. Very powerful in their pyramid shape.
spyrakite: Thank YOU. You've no idea how hard a time people have given me about my name, all my life. I will never forgive my parents for calling me Anastasia with a surname like Charrier.
dolemite2_2000: How bout having Leslie as a middle name?
dolemite2_2000: people at school are usually arses
spyrakite: What's wrong with that? I rather like it. I like O's.
dolemite2_2000: yeh. me too. funny.
spyrakite: I read "Helter Skelter" and one of the Manson girls was called Leslie. Even though she was a murderer, I thought, what a lovely name
dolemite2_2000: could've been worse.
dolemite2_2000: for a girl
spyrakite: I never know how to introduce myself. As Ana or "Stacey" or some derivative of Anastasia. I like Ana best, though it'd look nicer with two n's. Anna. That'd be just nice and normal.
dolemite2_2000: that book REALLY fucking frightened me!
dolemite2_2000: Anastasia is lovely.
spyrakite: You've read it! We jinx again! And....well, if u say so. Would u pronounce the end 'asia' as in Asia the country, or Ahsia?
dolemite2_2000: country
dolemite2_2000: should i change it?
dolemite2_2000: how do YOU pronounce it? that's how I'll do it.
spyrakite: I tried to get people to do it the Ahsia way, thought it sounded nicer....and I guess it doesn't matter how you pronounce it, since I can't hear you doing it!
spyrakite: Graham is an adorable name.
dolemite2_2000: Ana-Stashia
dolemite2_2000: always getting: '3 Grahams of fat in this'
spyrakite: Um, without the lisp
spyrakite: always getting: "Weird" or "Like the Russian princess!"
dolemite2_2000: weird? no. like the russian princess, yeh. it's cool.
dolemite2_2000: what lisp?
spyrakite: The way u spelt Anastashia, like there's a Shh sound
dolemite2_2000: through osmosis from damon. him and his Ssssss
spyrakite: Thank~you, though. Glad u like my
name....oh, what's Damon's Sssss?
dolemite2_2000: he's got this S thing. you've never noticed?
dolemite2_2000: it can make my ears bleed sometimes.
spyrakite: No, can't say I have. Only ever heard any of your voices, as in talking voices once.In a documentary. Oh, and the time I met you.
dolemite2_2000: really? it comes over in song as well.
spyrakite: Hmm ~ I'd go and put a CD on and listen for it, but my brother is likely to come in giving me shite
dolemite2_2000: are you familiar with 'That's When I Reach for My Revolver'?
dolemite2_2000: no earphones?
spyrakite: It's a song off your album, which I haven't heard yet. Gonna buy it this week. No, no earphones
dolemite2_2000: there's a line bout our mothers taught of virtues of restraint. Damon says it sounds as if i say, 'budgies of restraint'.
dolemite2_2000: made me larf. picturing budgies in straight jackets.
spyrakite: I feel like reaching for a revolver now! Grrrrrr.....(kidding ~ )....HAHA!! This is what I hate about the Void. I'm a bit stressed, then you say something really amusing like that, and my whole "response" looks stoopid and confusing
dolemite2_2000: doesn't look stoopid - or confusing - which is surprising. hahaha
spyrakite: ~gigglage~ That's why I had to put HAHA in caps, to indicate the change of mood.
dolemite2_2000: good. are we ok then?
spyrakite: Yeah....I hope YOU'RE ok. You seemed a bit...erm, something negative, at first. I'm just trying to figure out how to word a sucky email, but I love talking to you and don't want to hop it
dolemite2_2000: nooo. if you've gotta talk to yer tutor go ahead. don't let me keep you from something important. it's ok. i understand. you don't have to babysit me all day.
spyrakite: Babysit you? Now, I'm gonna be the one to say STOP THAT!
dolemite2_2000: well, obviously YOU'VE got a life. don't let me keep you.
spyrakite: I love chatting to you, even though you won't let me call you though I guess I must accept that your reasons are valid enough. Thinking about that nightmare of yours made me think you needed a cuddle, Cuddlepie/Dole~Boy. Sorry ~ only teasing!
spyrakite: I'm glad you acknowledge that I'm not some COMPLETELY lifeless idiot. And you're not keeping me. It's just an email, after all.
dolemite2_2000: it's just that sometimes people call me things like that and it sorta makes me feel um...diminished. please don't take offense. with you i don't feel you meant it that way. but some people do treat me like i'm retarded and call me cutesy things like that and it makes me squidgy.
dolemite2_2000: well, i can always go do something whilst you do that.
dolemite2_2000: play patience or sommat.
spyrakite: Ah, ok. I understand better now. No, I don't mean it like that. Believe it or not, people call ME lots of cutesy names too ~ and, well, I only like it coming from people who really mean it coz they know me...or something
dolemite2_2000: yeh.
spyrakite: Maybe I'll try to compose it, and then come back ~ see if you're still about.
dolemite2_2000: what do you have to say to him/her?
spyrakite: I want to apologize for wagging all his classes last year, because he was always SO nice to me and trusted me, and I just dropped out without any explanation. Now, I'm gonna be in his class again and I feel a bit brazen, showing up sans any explanation
spyrakite: It's a guilt thing, mostly. Because he treated me so well. Gave me some lovely marks, too
spyrakite: !
dolemite2_2000: bet it happens all the time. it's very nice and thoughtful of you to offer any explanation at all. he'll be chuffed to bits.
dolemite2_2000: alright. best of luck. see ya later perhaps.
spyrakite: Oh Graham, he let me go to ENGLAND and miss 5 weeks of classes coz he had such faith in me, and I let him down....
dolemite2_2000: how'd you let him down?
spyrakite: Oh, I hope you'll still be about, should you fancy a natter at some point.
dolemite2_2000: i'll be round.
dolemite2_2000: tell me
spyrakite: By fucking up coz I was depressed when both my Gran and my favourite cousin died and everything was horrible. Wasn't a nervous breakdown, but I just couldn't work.....
dolemite2_2000: i think if you tell him that he'll unnerstand. ya didn't let him down.
dolemite2_2000: we all need to crawl neath the hedge and lick our wounds from time to time. people unnerstand.
spyrakite: Thank you. You're seem so kindhearted a lot of the time, really. Sorry gotta say it.
dolemite2_2000: smiling here. cheers
spyrakite: Phew!
spyrakite: I'll check back soonish....
dolemite2_2000: i was told to stop apologising for shit. so, i shall pass it along to you as well. stop apologising.
dolemite2_2000: ok.
spyrakite: ~desists from answering~ ok.
dolemite2_2000: listen, if we're gonna be mates, ya gotta understand me. ok?
dolemite2_2000: i'm a right prick sometimes.
dolemite2_2000: i don't mean to be. i like to be nice but sometimes it belches forth and i can't seem to stop it. so, inadvance, i apologise.
dolemite2_2000: but never never apologise for yer good true emotions.
spyrakite: Shall I answer this now or when I return?
dolemite2_2000: ok?
dolemite2_2000: whatever you like. don't wanna hold you up any longer.
dolemite2_2000: yer very nice to talk to.
spyrakite: You're a delight to talk to. I wish I'd 'met' you this way before I met you in person. Ok, I shall say no more 'til I get this sucky email written. Will try to be quick about it.
dolemite2_2000: right ho.
spyrakite: Graham?
dolemite2_2000: TWBM
spyrakite: ~needs a revolver~
dolemite2_2000: *hands her a water pistol instead*
spyrakite: You were right
dolemite2_2000: was i? bout what? he was chuffed to bits?
spyrakite: No. I didn't even start on that. I just read an email from the one who's name u didn't want me to mention. It was pretty depressing.
spyrakite: I'm sorry to lay such stuff on you
dolemite2_2000: jesus! i'm sorry Anastasia. *hands you a hanky*
dolemite2_2000: go right ahead. let it out, girl. you'll feel better.
dolemite2_2000: told ya. never apologise for genuine emotions.
spyrakite: Thanks. Btw, please just call me Ana. Aside from everything else, my full name is a bit tiresome to type!
dolemite2_2000: i like Anastasia better. and i can manage it. thanks.
dolemite2_2000: wanna tell me bout it or should i shuddup?
spyrakite: Do u MIND me telling you? Sure it's not boring?
spyrakite: It was just hurtful. He's got it on with Elenor ALREADY. Ouch city.
dolemite2_2000: well, um, we sorta thought it would go that way.
spyrakite: I know.
dolemite2_2000: i'm sure it did.
dolemite2_2000: in need of a hug?
dolemite2_2000: a platonic cuddle?
dolemite2_2000: send him his Patty Paige records back.
spyrakite: Yes, I need one! ANY sort of hug
dolemite2_2000: Should send him half his dumb tapes back
dolemite2_2000: *BIG HUG*
dolemite2_2000: yeh.
spyrakite: The thing is, Nick and I WEREN'T an internet couple, Graham! I met him when I was barely 16 and literally saved his life, so he and everyone else kept telling me....
spyrakite: Ah, no point in getting self~righteous.
spyrakite: But I've wasted so much time on that boy
dolemite2_2000: that may be so. sounds like it's time to move on.
dolemite2_2000: don't waste any more of yer precious time on someone who doesn't appreciate you.
dolemite2_2000: i know yer hurting and i'm sorry for that. but it's good in a way. let's ya know yer alive.
dolemite2_2000: better than being devoid of feelings.
dolemite2_2000: Null + Devoid. that theme again.
dolemite2_2000: sorry. am i rambling?
spyrakite: the turnabout is a shock......nope, no ramblings on you
spyrakite: I'm just rereading what you wrote in my absence...
dolemite2_2000: It sounds like nick was sort of drowing in denial.
dolemite2_2000: drowning
spyrakite: Mmmm.
dolemite2_2000: pardon?
spyrakite: Useless statement, "Mmmm", but an apt one!
spyrakite: Haha, told you it was useless
dolemite2_2000: may i tell ya something?
spyrakite: Thanks for apologizing in advance for
prickish behaviour. I'll do the same.....yep, tell me anything
spyrakite: ~does a poncey tapdance~
dolemite2_2000: don't mean to come over as pontificating or anything wonky like that. ok? but i've been in yer situation. yes, it hurts like fuck. but time does help to heal the wounds. corny shit i know. sorry, this isn't coming out the way i hoped.
spyrakite: Oh no, it's ok. Yeah, it's corny, but we both know it's true.
dolemite2_2000: it'll make you a stronger person.
dolemite2_2000: and yer perfectly allowed to wallow a bit. you've earned that right.
spyrakite: Can I tell you something?
dolemite2_2000: he's got some very bad karma brewing.
dolemite2_2000: would like that.
dolemite2_2000: is it scary?
dolemite2_2000: should i cover my eyes?
dolemite2_2000: ears?
spyrakite: No, just an example of hypocrisy.
dolemite2_2000: is it about ME? hahaha
dolemite2_2000: charter member of the hypocrisy club here.
spyrakite: Hehe, no. Don't know you well enough to know the answer to that one
dolemite2_2000: if ya stick round you'll find out.
spyrakite: Again, no cheesy dichotomy, but you really remind me of myself in certain ways.
spyrakite: From what I know.
dolemite2_2000: yeh?
dolemite2_2000: the 2 dimensional me?
spyrakite: Yeah, really. The moodiness...and the way you said you can be a prick sometimes. Etc etc
spyrakite: The you I know over this thing we call the Void
spyrakite: know you, that is
dolemite2_2000: i can be. have been told it enough.
dolemite2_2000: name cannot be found on any canonisation lists at the Vatican so i can breathe a humongous sigh of relief.
dolemite2_2000: please tell me.
spyrakite: What name?
dolemite2_2000: glc
dolemite2_2000: a very flawed human specimen here. thank you.
spyrakite: Sometimes I wish you weren't glc. I'm getting better at it, but it's...well, VERY difficult to know how much I can and can't ask you, what I should and shouldn't say to you blah blah
dolemite2_2000: say what ya like.
spyrakite: Sorry if that comes out sounding...rude or something
spyrakite: Well, for an example ~
spyrakite: The phonecall thing mentioned last chat. Ordinarily, if you'd been anyone else in the world, I would have just asked if I could ring you not to start breathing deeply or anything just coz I was so fucking bleary eyed from staring at the screen. But obviously, I CAN'T ever ask that and I suppose I can understand why you wouldn't want it to happen.
spyrakite: That's an example, not a fresh request.
dolemite2_2000: i understand.
spyrakite: Sounds weird, I know. Talking over a computer to anyone frustrates me sometimes.
spyrakite: You do? I'm glad
dolemite2_2000: yeh
spyrakite: "Country House" just came on the radio
dolemite2_2000: is that an omen or somming?
dolemite2_2000: haha
spyrakite: Hahaha! Oh, btw please don't interpret the Nicholas comparison as an insult. He can be so brilliantly clever and kind too and he doesn't laugh at things like 'The Face on Mars' or UFO's, erm... ah, forget it. The point is, he's not all bad.
dolemite2_2000: he sounds a right manipulative prat.
dolemite2_2000: a control freak.
dolemite2_2000: and he's putting you at risk! prick!
spyrakite: Well, he admits to the control freak, part. The amazing thing is, it got worse when we weren't together.
dolemite2_2000: yer too strong a woman to be manipulated like that.
spyrakite: Risk of what? STD's?
dolemite2_2000: or worse.
spyrakite: Well, this is the thing....he's in Melbourne at the moment, haven't seen him in about 5 months. When he went there, we made this big pledge to remain faithful blah blah
spyrakite: I mean, he's shagged all these girls 2000 miles away, and gets cross if I admit to just snogging someone!
dolemite2_2000: it's not easy to remain faithful when there's time and space involved. i understand that.
spyrakite: Yeah, me too.
dolemite2_2000: yeh, but it still happened. the mileage doesn't matter.
dolemite2_2000: it's a matter of self-delusion. brainwashing.
spyrakite: Fugg...I was about to use that term, brainwashing. Talk about jinxed
dolemite2_2000: been there
dolemite2_2000: it's too dull the pain. another form of intoxication
dolemite2_2000: to not too
spyrakite: Sorry luv, in what sense do you mean brainwashing?
spyrakite: Intoxication...?
dolemite2_2000: well, um, him convincing himself that he's a man and he's got his 'needs' (hate that!) and that it doesn't really count since he's so far away, etc., etc., and what you don't know won't hurt you shit.
dolemite2_2000: yeh. mind numbing, sould numbing, heart numbing. lies. all lies. i find it's worse when we lie to ourselves, convincing ourselves of shit. not that it's OK to lie to others. is my head up my arse again here? trying to explain meself.
dolemite2_2000: then, through his 'sins of omission' he's brainwashed you into believing it as well.
spyrakite: Well, he's no REDNECK, he doesn't espouse that philosophy about men having needs (hate it too)....this is why he's managed to, erm, manipulate me. But I've manipulated him too at times, I'm sure.
dolemite2_2000: he may not espouse it, but perhaps believes it inwardly.
spyrakite: You explain yourself well, Graham.
dolemite2_2000: do i? oh, cheers. was trying awful hard to make it come right.
spyrakite: You do! Frighteningly well, at times
dolemite2_2000: really?
dolemite2_2000: well, ya know, sometimes i can relate to men. seeing as i am one (i think) and hanging about with them - i observe things. let i let my imagination run amok.
spyrakite: God yeah. You, um....once or twice (how can I put it?) you say something and it's articulating a thought I had but could not....articulate consciously. Confusing enough?!
dolemite2_2000: fill in the blanks a good deal. i always imagine scenarios when i look at people.
spyrakite: Imagine scenarios?
dolemite2_2000: yeh. i watch people. ya know, like in airports and shit. wonder what their personal lives are like. where they're headed. are they looking all pained and pinched cause they're nervous about a business mtg., cause they wish they were home with their kids, cause the plumbings on the wank. that sort of shit.
dolemite2_2000: have i lost ya?
spyrakite: Yeah? I do that on trains a bit. Mostly I shoe gaze in the 'real world' coz I'm paranoid about people staring at me & thinking mean thoughts. Hehe, sounds like something you'd say
spyrakite: I'm lost, but with you
dolemite2_2000: haha yeh. i'm always visiting the fantasy land.
spyrakite: Oh dear, jinx again! But I suppose a lot of people do
dolemite2_2000: yeh. whether to escape reality or just to entertain themselves.
spyrakite: In my case, it's both, really.
dolemite2_2000: me too.
spyrakite: Shall I use the J word again?
spyrakite: Rhetoric abounds...
dolemite2_2000: what's the J word?
spyrakite: Jinx....I do hope there's not TWO people sitting at that monitor, and one walks off and the other takes over typing!
dolemite2_2000: um...no. just me and my imaginary friend
dolemite2_2000: may i tell ya something wonky?
spyrakite: Of course you can
dolemite2_2000: when i was little i did have an imaginary friend since my sister was older and didn't really play with me. years later i met Damon and he was my imaginary friend. looked exactly like him. isn't that weird?
dolemite2_2000: funny. yer the only person i told that.
spyrakite: Yeah! Did he have a name, your imaginery friend?
spyrakite: You never even told Damon?
dolemite2_2000: no.
dolemite2_2000: no. was too shy.
dolemite2_2000: didn't want him to think i was wonky
dolemite2_2000: now he does of course but in the beginning....
dolemite2_2000: hahah
spyrakite: I'm quite touched to be the first person you've told, Graham.
spyrakite: brb
dolemite2_2000: ok
spyrakite: ~backums~ My brother was just hankering after a sleeping pill
dolemite2_2000: did you dispense?
dolemite2_2000: thought he'd moved out???
spyrakite: I'm trying to think of something I've never told anyone to give back to you, the old quid pro quo thing. And yes, I dispensed.
dolemite2_2000: oh, no. don't feel ya hafta. it just came out cause of that thing ya said. why did ya say that?
spyrakite: Yeah, he moved out but pops in overnight now and then
spyrakite: I said it coz, no offense, but sometimes u just sound very different. Just a bit. Makes u more interesting, though
dolemite2_2000: how did i sound different?
dolemite2_2000: schizo?
dolemite2_2000: making me nervous here.
spyrakite: Oh dear...it's no biggie! We all have our mood swings. Just sometimes you're really talkative, and others you're rather quiet. Doesn't mean anything....
dolemite2_2000: ok. yeh. i get monosyllabic sometimes.
dolemite2_2000: othertimes i gus
dolemite2_2000: gush
dolemite2_2000: haha
spyrakite: Me too. Romy & Michelle iz us, tonight!
dolemite2_2000: really?
spyrakite: ....which might not make any sense to you, if you haven't seen the film
dolemite2_2000: haven't
dolemite2_2000: high school reunion?
spyrakite: Yeah, they're like a female Bill and Ted, and they keep saying, "Me too!" all the time.
dolemite2_2000: oh
dolemite2_2000: is that annoying you?
spyrakite: No, I'm the main culprit, m'dear
spyrakite: For saying "me too", I mean
dolemite2_2000: oh.
spyrakite: oh
dolemite2_2000: oh ho!
spyrakite: beau!
dolemite2_2000: now i am keeping you.
dolemite2_2000: geste
spyrakite: When u say that, I feel like I'M keeping you, but you're diplomatically trying to make it sound the other way around
dolemite2_2000: you're the one with an email to do. not me.
spyrakite: Ms Paranoia 2000
dolemite2_2000: i'm quite content to remain.
spyrakite: Ha! That email....it can wait.
dolemite2_2000: ya sure?
spyrakite: yeah. but please don't call me a babysitter, that makes me feel....
dolemite2_2000: ok.
spyrakite: sorry, but....TOKEN, sort of.
dolemite2_2000: ok. deal. don't call me cuddlepie, doleboy, etc., and i won't call you a babysitter. deal?
spyrakite: Don't you like petnames at all?
dolemite2_2000: no
dolemite2_2000: cept 1 and only 1 person is allowed to use it.
spyrakite: Well, your end of the bargain sounds a better deal then mine, but fair enough. Who's the one person, may I ask?
dolemite2_2000: hahahahahhahaa
spyrakite: Whatcha hahaha~ing over, cheeky chimp?
dolemite2_2000: you may but i can't say
dolemite2_2000: sorry
spyrakite: Look, I know you must have a significant other! Dunno why you feel you can't say!
spyrakite: But, as you wish!
dolemite2_2000: so, is it very cold there?
spyrakite: Nein.
dolemite2_2000: no blanket today?
spyrakite: Hey, wanna partake in a geeky but potentially funny net activity?
spyrakite: Nope, no blanket
dolemite2_2000: um...ok
dolemite2_2000: is there maths involved?
spyrakite: No, just clicking on one of those http things, if I type it in.
dolemite2_2000: ok
spyrakite: http://www.aarecovery.com/chat.html
spyrakite: Please, it's HILARIOUS!
dolemite2_2000: will you come with me?
spyrakite: Yeah, that's the whole idea!
spyrakite: Thought it might bring me out of my moribund mood
dolemite2_2000: do i just click on it here?
spyrakite: Unfortunately no, but it's VERY easy to get into. You'll see a little button that says "CHAT"....or "VOLANO". It keeps...changing
dolemite2_2000: ok. i'll have a go.
spyrakite: I just entered as "Diazepammed". Hope it works on your end. You have to wait a minute for it to load
dolemite2_2000: SirGibbons here.
spyrakite: Oh, say hi to him for me
dolemite2_2000: Volcano server not working
dolemite2_2000: nooo. not sirharris. ME = sirgibbons
spyrakite: Oh....what's wrong with it then?
spyrakite: Sorry for being slow
dolemite2_2000: dunno. trying to signon again.
dolemite2_2000: says it's full.
dolemite2_2000: somming about firewalls.
spyrakite: Haha!
dolemite2_2000: socks proxy
dolemite2_2000: what the fuck?
spyrakite: So many alcoholics in the world, eh? You'd HAVE to find the people in here pretty funny....they tend to come and go pretty quickly.
spyrakite: Socks proxy? Oh dear dear dear
dolemite2_2000: sounds like a foot ailment. Munchhousens Syndrome by Proxy or somming - i know i spelt it wrong.
spyrakite: Dc'd on this end, in case I seemed silent there
spyrakite: Graham?
dolemite2_2000: yeh?
spyrakite: Oh...I was DeeCeed there again.
dolemite2_2000: gotta step out. be right back.
spyrakite: You do not do, you do not do, any more black shoe, in which I have lived like a foot for 30 years, barely daring to breath or Achoo
dolemite2_2000: back.
spyrakite: ~huge sigh~ How are you feeling, as a boring query?
dolemite2_2000: trying not to be down.
dolemite2_2000: you?
spyrakite: Failing at not being down.
spyrakite: Completely.
dolemite2_2000: what can we do to alleviate this?
dolemite2_2000: or remedy it?
spyrakite: You can go see Alex, I dunno what I can do
dolemite2_2000: why alex?
spyrakite: Um, you've always spoken of him as though he helps you when you're feeling down. I dunno. Just an idea.
dolemite2_2000: yer in there aren't ya?
spyrakite: Too right am I in there
dolemite2_2000: alright. i shall let you wander about then.
spyrakite: Sorry, ~vague gigglage~ I must sound rather bitter!
dolemite2_2000: no, not bitter.
spyrakite: By in there, did you mean "still there"?
spyrakite: As in, on the void
dolemite2_2000: ok. see ya later then. cheers.
spyrakite: What?
dolemite2_2000: meant in the AA Recovery room
spyrakite: Noooooo!!!!
dolemite2_2000: oh
dolemite2_2000: staring off into the dust motes?
spyrakite: I'm not in that fucking stupid place! God ~ I thought we could cheer each other up by going there, iz all
dolemite2_2000: nooooo! that's like that LAST place i wanna be. can't handle that.
spyrakite: Yeah, the whole point was to LAUGH at it, though. Really. Thought it might suit your dry sense of humour
dolemite2_2000: no. don't find alcoholism funny.
dolemite2_2000: find it a weak sadness
dolemite2_2000: a dark shadowy form on the precipice
dolemite2_2000: that's fucking cheery!
dolemite2_2000: sorry.
dolemite2_2000: it frightens me.
spyrakite: Neither do I. I HATE what it does to people. But if all else fails, you've always got comedy (I think I got that off Oprah)....
dolemite2_2000: lemme tell ya something stoopid to make you laugh and then you tell me something stoopid. ok?
dolemite2_2000: unfortunately, my humour a little 'wet' lately.
spyrakite: On this chat, NO ONE is talking about drinking, though. That's part of what makes me laugh....yep, ok. Tell me something...
spyrakite: which I'm sure won't be stoopid
dolemite2_2000: when damon and me were lads we were pyromaniacs.
dolemite2_2000: we used to go out into the fields behind his house and set fires.
dolemite2_2000: we always put em out and were careful.
spyrakite: ~grofl~
dolemite2_2000: but one day it was a bit windy and the flames just RAN and set the weeds all round us on fire!
spyrakite: Ouch!
dolemite2_2000: we tried stomping on em and shit but it got out of control real fast. we got scared and didn't know what to do.
dolemite2_2000: we ran to his house and were about to ring the fire brigade.
spyrakite: Ooh dear
dolemite2_2000: but we heard the sirens in the distance and figured that someone had seen the smoke and rung up.
dolemite2_2000: we smelt of smoke and were a bit singed.
dolemite2_2000: his mum caught a look at us and KNEW what we'd done.
spyrakite: So you got out of the circle of weeds ok, I take it...but go on...
dolemite2_2000: i'd had to pee real bad and was scared. she swatted me on my bum and i peed meself.
dolemite2_2000: damon fell on the kitchen floor howling
dolemite2_2000: he laughed so hard he peed himself.
dolemite2_2000: his mum just sort of looked at us horrified.
dolemite2_2000: we had to clean up the mess and then she made us go tell the fire bridgade it was us who'd started the fire.
spyrakite: So you both peed yourself?
dolemite2_2000: we were SO fucking embarrassed.
dolemite2_2000: yeh.
dolemite2_2000: awful. funny now, but not then.
dolemite2_2000: well, it was sort of. i larfed at him and he larfed at me.
spyrakite: What did the fire brigade say?
dolemite2_2000: his mum threatened to call my mum but i begged her not to. i cried. she felt sorry for me and didn't.
dolemite2_2000: crikey! they were very stern with us. big long lectures and shit. scared the bejesus outta us. we never set fires after that.
spyrakite: How old were you when this happened?
dolemite2_2000: old enough to know better. bout 14.
dolemite2_2000: retarded 14.
dolemite2_2000: mentally bout 9
dolemite2_2000: still am.
spyrakite: Crap, the last part, but a great story nonetheless!
dolemite2_2000: haha
dolemite2_2000: your turn
spyrakite: Umm...ok....
spyrakite: Me and my best friend at school devised this get~rich~by~shoplifting scheme once....
spyrakite: We
spyrakite: Xcuse me
spyrakite: We'd nick books and cash them in at book exchanges....
dolemite2_2000: yeh? and?
spyrakite: Or we'd pick out something expensive in a department store, take it to the check out, and ask for a refund
dolemite2_2000: without a receipt?
spyrakite: I don't know WHY they always believed us. We always would say we'd lost the receipt
dolemite2_2000: cheeky monkeys.
spyrakite: I think it might have been coz we wore prep school uniforms, I dunno.
spyrakite: But one day, fate dealt it's cruel hand upon, of course!
dolemite2_2000: adjust yer halo
dolemite2_2000: SECURITY!
spyrakite: Nope. A wise old duck who ran a crap bookshop and was horrible to me, perhaps understandably so....
spyrakite: To cash in books at book exchanges, you needed to pick really tabloidy bestsellers, and the book I tried to pinch was called "Lethal Lolita: The Amy Fisher Story."
dolemite2_2000: gag
spyrakite: Any way, I tried to run out of the shop and get away, and the woman in the shop was screaming at people, "STOP HER! PLEASE! STOP HER!" And all these men grabbed me and threw me down.....errr....
dolemite2_2000: crikey!
spyrakite: Yeah, I wasn't even trying to run away at that point! It still hurts, that memory....all those ugly hands.....
dolemite2_2000: Good Samaritans out for a cheap feel, eh?
spyrakite: Anyhow, I mooched on back to the shop and begged her forgiveness, made a plea about how angry my mum would be, etc. To no avail. HAHA@Good Sammy's. Yeah...
dolemite2_2000: she rang yer mum?????
spyrakite: No, she rang the cops. But it was so EMBARRASSING when the cops came and saw I'd tried to steal SUCH a dreadful book. They even read the title out loud and laughed about it
spyrakite: Baaaaaad!
dolemite2_2000: cringe city
spyrakite: I know! And I couldn't explain WHY I'd nicked it, of course
dolemite2_2000: and your best mate escaped unscathed?
spyrakite: She wasn't there. We'd sometimes do it separately, and then brag about it to each other.
dolemite2_2000: oh
spyrakite: Never did it again, needless to say. Actually, I was a bit bitter at the time that I ended up being the one who got caught. She did it a LOT more then I did, but ah well....
spyrakite: I've ended up having bettter luck than her
dolemite2_2000: yeh
dolemite2_2000: the photo shop's just rung to say they found my pics. i'm gonna run out before they close up.
spyrakite: Ok. Take care of yourself
dolemite2_2000: cheers. you too Anastasia.
spyrakite: Ciao Graham. xxx xxx x
| By Dolemite on Saturday, April 20, 2002 - 11:26 am: |
You diseased ridden slapper! How COULD you? How COULD you? NO! I won't accept that! I tell you, I won't! Y'hear?
| By . on Saturday, April 20, 2002 - 01:39 pm: |
Where the fuck is Dolemite/Mary these days, eh? Fucking about with others?
| By Lucky on Saturday, April 20, 2002 - 01:42 pm: |
Oh no... it was an imposter? Dear me, that's sad. Sorry for being slow, but I don't actually know what happened with all that dolemite stuff.
| By Anonymous on Saturday, April 20, 2002 - 02:57 pm: |
Lucky, your question of whether it was an impostor or not could do the incredible: get an interesting Coping conversation happening.
I believe there are two schools of thought regarding Dolemite.
| By Master Card on Saturday, April 20, 2002 - 07:35 pm: |
One that maybe it was a faker and the other that it was definitely a faker.
| By Anonymous on Saturday, April 20, 2002 - 09:50 pm: |
Ooh, Butter~Twirré the blind, fat, epileptic, lesbian is back again.
| By Butter~Twirré on Sunday, April 21, 2002 - 05:47 am: |
Master Card: I reckon that theory about there being one 'real' Graham Coxon chatting as Dolemite in BC only to be replaced by a convincing sounding impostor also using the name Dolemite in BC is bollox/wishful thinking. That chat transcript I posted was definitely me IM~ing furiously with the same 'Graham' people in BC believed was Graham. At least, the 'Graham' from late 1999/2000.
The days of Dolemite bring back mixed memories. I remember all that time ago, when I first discovered BC and met 'Graham', I thought that SURELY other chatters before me had 'tested' Dolemite and ascertained 'his' identity for sure'n'certain. The other chatters seemed intelligent people, after all.
I'll always be grateful to Si Gibson for being the only person who took the time to offer me any kind of 'proof'. Everyone else insisted Dolemite was 'real', but refused to tell me why. Alas, later on Si's proof didn't amount to much compared to the overwhelming evidence suggesting beyond all doubt (for me and Krebs at least) that it was one, gigantic hoax.
The pity of it was, Dolemite was a fascinating, intelligent, if exasperating person and it's sad that they thought they could only make Internet m8's by pretending to be Graham from Blur. I posted that chat extract up above not out of malice but because it reminded me how much I really loved chatting to the character, whoever they really were. Even so, I remember Krebs admitting he'd 'believed' in Dolemite for so long because he'd WANTED it to be Graham, & I know I felt the same.
I can empathize with the poor bollocker to a certain extent (because I've fed bollox to a few people online in my time too ~ though not THAT much bollox). But Dole never apologized or explained or tried to make any amends.... For me that was by far the worst part. I chatted to, confided in and exchanged emails with this person for MONTHS, and they refused to even say sorry.
It taught me only one lesson. If you ever feel compelled to feed a plethora of lies to someone, about anything, for any reason, you at least ought to do your best to own up & make it up to them, even if it's humiliating and even if they don't forgive you. It's the fucking LEAST you can do.
Jerry Springer thought for the day, darling Copers.
| By Lucky on Sunday, April 21, 2002 - 12:55 pm: |
That's pretty durn weird, Butter. Wow. How did you break it to Dolemite that you knew they were fake, if you don't mind my asking?
I was under the impression that Graham did appear in BC once (EONS ago... before 1999) and chatted to Skrooie and Ad. Or was it Jamie and Ad? I can't remember... Does anyone know what nickname he used? People were sure this Graham was the real deal because he apparently knew things about the next Blur album that proved to be true, or something along those lines... Either that or it was Dolemite getting lucky.
And who's Mary?
| By Butter~Mobile on Thursday, April 25, 2002 - 05:23 pm: |
Nope, I don't mind Lucky... it's just such an incredibly long and involved story as to how I broke it to Dolemite, because I did it in a variety of ways. When I first found out so much stuff pointing to "Graham" being a fraud I pleaded with "him" to respect my intelligence and offer me some proof, to put my mind at rest. But this, "Graham" absolutely refused to do. So then I tried getting mad and confrontational. That didn't work either. Finally, when I knew for sure and certain Dolemite was not Graham Coxon but apparently a middle aged woman named Mary (!), I tried to be nice and understanding. Dolemite/Mary simply never spoke to me again. I guess it was too embarrassing.
There was a certain feeling of relief in knowing that at least Graham Coxon did not have a personality like Dolemite's, because although he/she/it was intelligent and interesting, Dole had a pretty annoying sense of humour, not to mention being neurotic to a farcical degree... but I think even some of that was an act. For instance, I told "Graham" about the Coping topic here, "Graham and Anna". "Graham" claimed to be literally vomiting at the other end of the computer at this supposed invasion of "his" privacy & went on & on about how upsetting it was for ages.
As for the real Graham Coxon (and Alex James too, supposedly) appearing ages ago in BC... I wasn't around back then, but I guess it's possible. The only flaw is that if the real GC appeared in BC aeons ago, how come no BCers appeared able to tell the difference between Graham and Dolemite?
Ahem. Pardon the ramble.
| By Lucky on Thursday, April 25, 2002 - 06:37 pm: |
Heh, is that how you spell it? 'Scusez moi!
Hmmm well I spose BCers couldn't tell the difference between Graham and Dolemite simply because the same ones who had chatted to Graham didn't hang around long enough to converse with Dolemite. For instance, Jamie and Ad (who I think chatted to Graham) both disappeared didn't they? Jamie's handed over BC to Simon and Sean (PLEASE excuse me if I've made a mistake. I'm just guessing here), and Ad's gone... er... around the world!
Or maybe Dolemite was cleverly picking up details from Graham's quotes and the stuff he'd actually type on the Internet (eg there's a quote on Danny's Blurry Site from a message Graham actually left him. Could've been where Dolemite got all those excessive 'yer's and 'ya's from).
All the same, I still think it's a pretty horrible shitey nasty yucky thing to do, impersonating someone. And scary. Stalker-scary. I wonder how Graham would react to Dolemite's behaviour?
Probably wee himself laughing.
| By Butter~Mobile on Thursday, April 25, 2002 - 07:04 pm: |
Lucky, it's funny you should say that, because a long time later, I made contact (of sorts) with Danny from Bunsenhoneydew, who are signed by Graham's Transcopic label. He knew Graham's (definitely 100 percent real) email address, and whilst I didn't even bother trying to ask him for it, I did ask Danny to Fwd a "Dolemite" email to Graham. He'd surely have at least found it SLIGHTLY amusing or intriguing, because Dolemite's emails weren't mere jokes. I mean, you can easily imagine someone just taking the piss online once or twice by pretending to be from Blur. But Dolemite's emails were full of long, involved anecdotes about everything 'he' was up to with Damon, Alex and Dave. I'm sure Graham Coxon would have at least got a chuckle out of it (if it didn't scare him, I suppose) & I don't think being rich and famous makes any difference.
But sadly, Danny wouldn't do it, & I didn't push him. Frankly, by that time I was all Coxoned~out!
| By chut on Thursday, April 25, 2002 - 08:12 pm: |
'Dole had a pretty annoying sense of humour, not to mention being neurotic to a farcical degree... but I think even some of that was an act.'
Sounds like the real Graham to me.
| By Lucky on Friday, April 26, 2002 - 06:55 am: |
Haha, oh dear. Imagine being your public persona 24/7! Wouldn't have many friends would ya?
| By chut on Saturday, April 27, 2002 - 04:46 pm: |
I am, and I don't, thanks :o)
| By Lucky on Sunday, April 28, 2002 - 02:00 pm: |
Aw Chut. *pats Chut on the head*
You've always got the fanclub ;D
| By Liam on Saturday, May 4, 2002 - 01:39 am: |
BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER