- Let's start with the shoes : buy yourself a pair of red converse, a pair of bogues, a pair of skater shoes (and tie the laces with a huge knot, even if it makes you feel dumb), a pair of ethnies. But remember, even if all of your friends wear Dr Martens shoes, you must never wear any.

- Now, the T-shirts : any stripes one will do. If you have money, buy yourself some movie related ones (example : Abbyss). A less expensive solution would be to draw on basic T-shirts youself : buy an XL light blue one and draw a smoking dog on it, and write "Bob Hund" above. You can also write Cheryl, Grave Digger, Grand Royal, Levi's, the Roxons or Lonsdale on it. Buy a Fred Perry shirt. As for sweatshirts, get a hold of a Lonsdale and a Philip Basketball one, or a grey one with a hood and two blur stripes on the sleeve.

- As for the trousers : get some baggy Carhartt, and basically any pair of jeans that's baggy, as well as a pair of beige baggy shorts.

- Get yourself two pairs of glasses : a thick pair (preferably black) and a normal pair.

>> There you go, you know have all the material to *look like* Graham !

- Now, the hair : cut them pretty short and die them black. Do not brush them or anything. Even in a bad hair day, leave them standing vertically on your head.

- Buy a green skateboard. Learn to skateboard, and don't worry about skating barefoot. Even if your toes end up completely cut up. When you feel confident enough about your skills, use it as your main means of transport. Go to gigs on it for example.

- Get a cat and call him Bastard.

- Buy yourself Les Paul Gibson Guitar, it's powerful and reliable. Put a sticker on it. Then learn how to play. Really well. That'll be the hardest part, so don't give up, even when you feel you're crap. You can't be crap, you're Graham Coxon's clone for fuck's sake !! While you're at it, you should also try to learn saxophon, drums, bass guitar, clarinet, etc etc... Plus, if you have a lot of money, get all of his guitars (ie a Fender '52 Telecaster, a Fender Stratocaster, a Fender Musicmaster, a Fender Jaguar, a Squire Telecaster, a Gibson SG, a Gibson ES-335, a Guild Acoustic, a Gibson Acoustic, and a Harmony Sovereign).

- Buy a house in Camden and go down the pub a lot. Play pool a little.

- Paint a lot. Put a lot of black and beige. Never make happy paintings though. They must look like they come from some troubled mind, which would still be a bit childish though. Be talented.

- Say PJ Harvey is nothing very complicated and then change your mind a few days later. Go to the quotes section of this website and learn all of them by heart, and try to say them during interviews.

- Find yourself a Swedish girlfriend (or teach your girlfriend Sweddish), and have a daughter with her. Give her an original name like... errr... Salt (haha).

- If you don't smoke yet, i'm afraid you're gonna have to start. And not only cigarettes of course.

- Make crap jokes. Here's an example : when you go to the zoo and see huge fish, say : "Imagine the size of the chips !".

- Listen to music like Sonic Youth, Fungus, Nick Drake, Bob Hund, the Radar Bros, Mission of Burma... American hardccore will do, always.

- Don't sleep too much, so that you always have dark circles beneath your eyes.

- Bite your lips a lot and basically do weird stuff with them ; scratch your eyes a lot, as well as your head.

- Buy yourself a golden dollar necklace, even if it's dreadful.

- Make up your own group with the guy who made fun of you in primary school (you know, the one who made fun of your shoes !). Be successful in that first group. Then start a solo career too, and make two albums all by yourself (write, play all the instruments, sing, produce). The first one must be depressing, and the second one must be angry. Do a five dates tour even though you'd said earlier in your career that singing in front of people was embarrassing.

- Jump high during gigs.

- Make fun of French TV presenters during interviews, and do not answer to their questions.

- Tell Ash you're a fan of theirs.

- Do not like Damien Hirst and Chris Evans. Do not like football and Page Three girls. But do not say so until you're being asked.

- Sing a little out of key during live performances, always look at your guitar and almost never at the croud or at your bandsmate. Sing quite low too, you don't want people to hear you do you !?

- When you sign autographs, write "Graham Coxon" and draw a heart below, but mess it up, make it look more like a flower.

- Drink Stellas. And tea. But do not mix them.

- When the lead singer of your band screws up in the words of songs, make fun of him. But do forget the words of the songs too.

- Play some of your guitar solos backwards.

- Be friends with the members of Idlewild.

- Take your daughter to gigs, even when she is still very very little.

- Sleep on your stomach.

- Get a tiny black tattoo on the top of your left arm.

- Don't talk too much. Look sensitive and shy. But don't be too nice to people. Just look complex.

By AnDyPaNdY on Thursday, December 28, 2000 - 01:19 am:

It`s slightly distressing to me to understand how a mere peasent can know so much about this legend.Or maybe im being over exagerative(if that`s a word)in describing him as a legend.
IS GRAHAM COXON A LEGEND?

By GC on Thursday, December 28, 2000 - 02:18 am:

Rock stars are not cool

By Anonymous on Thursday, December 28, 2000 - 11:23 am:

nick drake wants to be graham coxon??? i find this hard to believe.

getting a bit desperate there in the afterlife is it nick???

By Lucky on Thursday, December 28, 2000 - 12:37 pm:

Ha Ha, chips. Ha Ha Ha.


Of course he's a legend. Elton John's a knight fer gawd's sake.

By AnDyPaNdY on Thursday, December 28, 2000 - 12:40 pm:

Elton John can sing...

By Lucky on Thursday, December 28, 2000 - 12:42 pm:

Graham did all right on that Fame and Fortune cover dinnee? He's improved by a mile.

By Chris on Thursday, December 28, 2000 - 06:10 pm:

Graham doesn't sing off-key on live gigs, it's just an effect he does with his voice, like guitar distortion.

By Damon Sideburn on Friday, December 29, 2000 - 04:42 pm:

Ok, I have to put my two cents in .... Graham can sing .... I sing to him so .. let's see, if he cannot sing, then that means... :-)

By AnDyPaNdY on Friday, December 29, 2000 - 05:43 pm:

Anyone can sing,it`s just a question of can he sing well,well can he?

By kacy on Saturday, December 30, 2000 - 04:26 am:

Graham has a very nice voice, a little weak sometimes but overall I think he does splendidly. And he can play complicated guitar parts while singing backup, which is quite difficult.
And I've seen that list on a Graham fan-site. Our reincarnated friend Nick appears to have stolen it.
And according to that list I am WELL on my way to becoming Graham Coxon...striped shirts, baggy jeans, specs, messy dark hair, looking/acting "complex," lip-biting, jumping in the air whilst playing guitar, liking Sonic Youth & Pavement, painting, crap jokes, black circles under my eyes - all accomplished. Skateboarding I'm working on, always wanted to learn but I'm crap. But wait...as a heterosexual female, I'm never going to have a Swedish girlfriend. I'm Graham's sister then. Yeah, that's it.

By kacy on Saturday, December 30, 2000 - 04:27 am:

And as Graham's sister and not his clone, I reserve the right to keep on wearing my Doc Martens.

By the shining path on Sunday, December 31, 2000 - 12:15 am:

yes one must celebrate the doc marten. i liked blur best when they all paraded around in them

By indigo on Sunday, December 31, 2000 - 10:11 am:

What's happened to DMs? I love them SO much - i bought my first pair about MLIR time - they were lime green with steel toe caps and I wore them nonstop for a year (except at school - but i did try) then when I grew out of them I couldn't find a nice cheap pair anywhere!

By Damon Sideburn on Wednesday, January 3, 2001 - 08:13 pm:

Well, I'm a bit late on this one...so hey I was off and my pc at home takes 45 minutes to load this page so it had to wait....yes, Graham can sing well...and he wears glasses well, too. And not everybody can do that, you know. :-) Another thing he is a good songwriter, too. [sigh]

By stereopop on Wednesday, January 3, 2001 - 09:49 pm:

Uhhh, I have 3 pairs of dm's. A gold pair with steel toes I got bought from a hobo (or maybe Ali just gave them to me ... hmmm?), a pair of black pennyloafers, also from a hobo, and a pair of blue suede ones from London.

I am obviously not Graham Coxon. But I do where steel toed boots to school every now and then. I find my adidas more comfortable though.

By kacy on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 03:39 am:

I just have one all-purpose pair, the traditional black original sort. I adore them. I also love my old torn up adidas gazelles though, and this pair of converse one-stars that I've had for at least 6 years and have little patterns drawn onto the stars as a result of boredom in school. They have holes in them now but I won't stop wearing them. And nothing's happened to DMs...as far as I know you can get them just about anywhere!

By Eddy on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 08:43 am:

I have DM boots with a Union Jack pattern on the toe. Picked them up for a steal as well.

By indigo on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 10:30 am:

Yeah, but a couple of years ago they used to be in every shoe shop. Last summer I was seized with desire for a pair of flowery ones (don't know why) and I ended up scouring Oxford (about an hour away) and London (hour and a half away). I found little kids ones in a few shops, but nowhere seemed to sell painted ones for adults. Eventually I had to go to the DM store in Covent Garden, and they only had dull ones. Fucking expensive too! I eventually found a pair in a market in Amsterdam!

By Lucky on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 10:43 am:

The only DMs I've owned were a cream suede pair, and I was nine... Got a pair of blue converse all stars too, but I ran around in mud with them on so much that my mum didn't let them into the house. I told her I threw 'em away, but they're carefully concealed in my room. Heck everything's concealed in my room. I'd be surprised if something wasn't.

By Lucky on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 10:44 am:

Well, apart from the stuff that CONCEALS the things concealed in my room. That's only common sense.

By porcelainfuckingoceans on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 07:17 pm:

graham's got a tattoo?

By Joe on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 08:26 pm:

Heehee, bogues.

Graham fucking DOES sing off-key live. Coffee and TV at Wembley '99 was atrocious, but so charming. William Orbit says the strength of Graham's voice is in it's weaknesses, which I think is a nice summation.

In my Graham Kit I have the black rimmed glasses, the Camden-bought brown flannelled top and that's it.

People called Eddy can contact me for parties where you want to pretend you are friends with a Graham Coxon impersonator: joeswarbrick@yahoo.com

Bye.

By Graham's mum on Friday, January 5, 2001 - 09:55 pm:

"- Get a cat and call him Bastard."

No, look after a cat called Bastard, only to lose it.

By kacy on Saturday, January 6, 2001 - 02:57 am:

I've called my cat a bastard before...close enough.

By Bree on Thursday, January 25, 2001 - 07:48 pm:

Marie said you're a prostitute. So don't you DARE judge me.

By kacy, feeling antagonistic on Friday, January 26, 2001 - 03:41 am:

Damn, I wish Marie would quit saying that about me. (And oh...who the @#$&!!!! is Marie?!!)

By Lucky on Friday, January 26, 2001 - 06:19 am:

A very rude, outspoken girl.

By jelena dokic on Wednesday, January 31, 2001 - 12:50 am:

By glc on Wednesday, January 31, 2001 - 05:08 pm:

why yes, that IS me isn't it, or someone has actually succeeded in trying to be me. Impressive.

By stl on Tuesday, January 8, 2002 - 11:39 pm:

Why would you like to be him? You want to steal his life, is that it?