What "axe" have you got and what's your favourite Blur song to play on it?

Good topic huh?

I have a shitty Washburn that is begging to be smashed, and a lovely shiny new Epiphone Flying V as modelled by Tim Wheeler in the new Select...and I like playing This Is A Low, it's fantastic fun, all them twiddly bits and that amazing lead, probably one of the best guitar solos of all time, so simple, so moving, so damn effective.

By kacy on Thursday, December 14, 2000 - 03:27 am:

I've got a Fender Squier Stratocaster. In retrospect I should've got a Tele, but I like it anyway. I too enjoy playing TIAL, though I'm not too good at the lead yet. I'm more of a rhythm player. I like to play Sing by hitting the strings with a flattened coke can (Graham uses coke cans...watch the beginning of "day upon day" flanger, so I can do more psychedelic stuff now. My main aim as a guitarist is to make weird on Starshaped). It just sounds cool. I just got a noises. Besides guitarists...any other musicians around? I also play keyboards and a little bit of violin (violin is a pain in the arse!!!)I write songs too but they could use some work.

By Lucky on Thursday, December 14, 2000 - 07:11 am:

Fender Squire Strats're popular, aren't they? I've got one too. I can't really think what my favourite Blur song to play on it is... Well I like playing Chemical World a lot, and For Tomorrow. And right now I can't stop playing Bang, Bad Day, There's No Other Way or (gasp) MIMR. Why do people hate Bang?
Kacy! You must be my long lost twin or summing man. I play piano and a bit of violin too. But I hate 'em both. I haven't played violin in about four years now cos the strings snapped and apparently nobody knows how to fix 'em. Heh heh, I'm not complaining...

By Eddy on Thursday, December 14, 2000 - 12:02 pm:

I've got an orange Hondo Fender copy.

Before you laugh, it cost $110, never breaks a string or goes outta tune. Beautiful little thing.

I'm in the process of buying a Goya 12 string acoustic from some Geordie I met last week at a party. One of the nicest guitars I have ever strummed.

And thinking about it, I really never play any Blur tunes on me guitar, cept Fool and Sing etc, just for nice chord sequences.

Nice topic Joe.

What amps do we all play through then??
And what guitars would we like to have??

By wakey on Thursday, December 14, 2000 - 01:51 pm:

ive got a 1957 reissue fender strat, it cost a bomb but it was worth it. its in 2 colour sunburst, and the blur songs i play the most on it are probably beetlebum, look inside america ( i luv the little lead riff at the end ), coffe and tv, and just recently ive been playing black book on it a lot. i dont actually play that much blur on it any more, i play a fair bit of radiohead on it ,street spirit, paraniod android, karma police. a lot of the songs ive listed i play in a band. i tend to play stuff ive made up when im on my own jaming.

my amp is an 80 watt marshall combo, and ive got a vox distorsion pedal ( which is pretty cool ).

i also play a bit of keyboard, but im pretty shit on it at the min.

By kacy on Thursday, December 14, 2000 - 07:31 pm:

whoaaaa, my post got SCREWED up! That was supposed to read:
(Graham uses coke cans...watch the beginning of "day upon day" on Starshaped.) It just sounds cool. I just got a flanger, so I can do more psychedelic stuff now. My main aim as a guitarist is to make weird noises.

OK then...my amp is just a little practice amp since I don't do gigs or anything, I just play and record a little at home. It's a Fender Squier too, 15 watt I think. I've got a cheap standard acoustic guitar too, which I don't play as much. I like to play "you're so great" on it, though. I'd really like an old Rickenbacker but they aren't cheap. I want a bass guitar now...it's pretty easy to play bass really. Whenever I play with my friends I end up turning the bass up on my amp and playing bass on the lower strings of my guitar, cos no one I play with has a bass.

By wakey on Friday, December 15, 2000 - 12:25 am:

i always thought that what graham played at the beginig of day upon day was a banana skin or friut of some kind ? ( ive always wondered what it was )

like you kacy i always try and get strange sounds out of my guitar, they always end up sounding like a radiohead arpegeo though, i dont write structured songs, even if i wanted to i cant( supose thats what you get for liking radiohead and blur). i think this is a good thing though, this way you never get repetative or sound the same, unlike a lot of the noel wannabe's who know about 3 chords.

By Lucky on Friday, December 15, 2000 - 06:48 am:

I don't do gigs either (yet, heh heh) so I've got a widdle Squier amp. Well, it's widdle, but the dude can make big noise maaaan, big noise. I've also got a teeny Marshall amp that runs on batteries. It's so handy cos it fits right in the guitar case, and it's quite loud. And I think El Coxo's got one too, so stop that sniggering at the back there!

By Shaunée on Friday, December 15, 2000 - 08:07 am:

I've got a Squier Strat too, black thanks. And I don't play a lot of blur, I like beetlebum though, that's great fun on the piano too, but I find Oasis really fun to play cause you can just bash it out. And Karma Police is one of my favourite songs to play too.

By Eddy on Friday, December 15, 2000 - 11:59 am:

Hello Shaunée.

By Jennifer on Friday, December 15, 2000 - 04:45 pm:

I collect electric guitars, have quite many actually. But the one I love the most is my Gibson Sg '61, "heritage Cherry". Probably one of the things I love most in my life...it's absolutely wonderful :-) That's my all time fav guitar for sure.

By Jennifer on Friday, December 15, 2000 - 04:48 pm:

I use d'addario strings and Soldano and Marshall amps... was that part of the question as well?

By Si on Friday, December 15, 2000 - 04:56 pm:

I've got 4. A Strat copy which has been resprayed (unprofessionally by me) several times. At the moment it's a deep blue with a black scratchplate.
Along with that, I've also got a lovely Epiphone Les Paul, like a deep red flame finish to it. It's beautiful.. so rich and full-bodied, yet so damn meaty.
I've got one acoustic, a nice sounding Encore electro-acoustic actually.
Also recently bought a Squire Tele because I love the sound. I was considering spraying it yellow/black, but I've held off until now. What d'you reckon folks? Spray and probably ruin the look, or just not care and have it á la Coxon?
A few pedals (Cry-baby, Boss Distortion, Xoom 1010, Tremolo) and a tiddly 10W Prime amp. It's all that's require for a Bedroom Basher really.

By Joe on Friday, December 15, 2000 - 07:11 pm:

Personally I'd rather have a range of cheaper guitars than, like, one Les Paul Gibson. I think my flying V is about the nicest guitar I could have got in my price range...I can't fucking stand Squire Strats, or Strats in general. they feel far too clunky and tinny...they can all fuck off and die. Give me a glued instead of bolt-on neck any day, and I wouldn't lose my humbuckers for the world.

I think Graham plays the start of Day Upon Day with a sandwich, although it's hard to tell.

i have a Peavey amp that's sort of largeish...it does the job for gigs. I've got a Boss ME30 too that seems a little limited now but has it all sort of packed into one bit...so it's OK too.

I think the best thing about this topic is the way it's so unashamedly elitist. Anyone without a good year's guitar experience will be completely bored. Cool.

By nat on Friday, December 15, 2000 - 10:37 pm:

i play flute, but mine broke and i can't afford a new one ($700? you're a fuckwit if you think i'm gonna pay that! and it isn't even top of the line!). so i switched to guitar 3 months ago (and thus, i am no mr. coxon yet, nowhere near). so i have a $150 yamaha eterna from Costco. no blur songs have i attempted yet. and yes, i am slightly bored. but hopefully i'll learn more about the instrument and will know what some of you are referring too. i am without a starshape.

By kacy on Saturday, December 16, 2000 - 04:19 am:

I always assumed it was a coke can cos in some interview he mentioned playing with coke cans, but we're talking about graham, I imagine he could play with slice of cheddar if he so chose. The sound of metal sliding on metal sounds cool to me, anyway. But I like sonic youth...therefore I like noise. And yeah, a strat was probably the wrong choice for me but with the right settings I can enjoy the sound. As long as I can have fun with it I don't care. But my next guitar will probably be a standard tele, if not a bass. I think I'd injure myself on a flying V. I lean into my guitar a lot and I'm a bit spastic, so I'd probably jab the points into my ribs somehow.

By Lucky on Saturday, December 16, 2000 - 12:18 pm:

I got my Strat cos it was the cheapest, heh heh. Besides, I don't really have much of a choice. It's either a Strat or some shiny Fender with it's price orbiting the earth. Or a Yamahahahahahaha. I quite like my good ol' Strat anyway.

By Joe on Saturday, December 16, 2000 - 02:41 pm:

The Gibson Flying V has rounded edges, and I haven't injured myself as yet, and I really do like my pogoing on stage. So what's everyone's favourite effect? Mine has to be...er...some distortion with a hefty delay stuck on it like on Death of a Party.

By Eddy on Saturday, December 16, 2000 - 02:43 pm:

Hello Joe, what ya doin??

By schmee on Saturday, December 16, 2000 - 08:03 pm:

I've got a gibson les paul electric, Martin '72 acoustic, and a yamaha acoustic. I don't really play blur anymore. I used to when I first started, I usually play some clapton or radiohead. I really want to play some stevie vai....but thats a little out of my league.

By Lucky on Sunday, December 17, 2000 - 12:03 pm:

Distorted wah. Y'know. So instead of a clean wah-wah-wah you get a WWWWWAAAARRRRGHHH WWWWAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHH WWWWWWWAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH. Lahvely.

By wakey on Sunday, December 17, 2000 - 12:11 pm:

2 layers of distortion, so it goes all scuzly, luvley jubley.

By Lucky on Sunday, December 17, 2000 - 12:13 pm:

Ello Wakey, I love your name.

By wakey on Sunday, December 17, 2000 - 04:05 pm:

why thankyou, did u know your name is the name of a radiohead song aswell ?

my real name is richard wakefield so wakey was my nick name ( the people at my school were realy unimaginative )

By kacy on Monday, December 18, 2000 - 04:05 am:

flanger+distortion+coke can = swirly mad noise. I don't have a distortion pedal though, I just screw around with the amp settings.
school nicknames...don't want to think about that...bleurgh.

By Lucky on Monday, December 18, 2000 - 12:38 pm:

And a Britney Spears song. Joseph'll know the rest... But the name Wakey is so sweeeeeet. Ahem, sorry, I'm being a girlie girl. Must. Switch. Back. To. Cold. Hearted. Bastard. Mode.

By wakey on Monday, December 18, 2000 - 09:50 pm:

hehehehe

it must be the christmas spirit getting inside you

By Joe on Monday, December 18, 2000 - 10:09 pm:

No, just the morphine. Time for a booster, Sam...

Yes, it's Sam really, but of course Lucky is a fine pseudonymnmnmn(n?). I know a man called Lucky from Zimbabwe and of course Elvis's character in Viva Las Vegas was called Lucky. There is a Lucky in 101 Dalmations too, he's the one who gets in front of the TV in that annoying bit. Er...then...then of course there's the whole theory of Luck in general. Ha.

By Shaunée on Monday, December 18, 2000 - 11:29 pm:

Hello Eddy my man.

By Da Luckster on Tuesday, December 19, 2000 - 12:03 pm:

Wakey's the sweetest coper I reckon. Awwww. JOE the Fo3 site is fantasterous. The nicknames in the credits just get better and better.

By tam on Tuesday, December 19, 2000 - 05:58 pm:

has neone heard come to me by bjork?

i'm so in luv with it!

i JUST got the blur best of cd...haven't given it a listen yet tho!

By wakey on Tuesday, December 19, 2000 - 09:13 pm:

can anyone clear this up for me, you know the song " cowboy song ", i went on napster and it said blur with radiohead ? who from radiohead played on it, coz it just sounds like blur to me?

and do many of the coper's have icq ?

By Jennifer on Wednesday, December 20, 2000 - 12:12 am:

First of all, yes I have icq. I also have Cowboy Song as mp3. It is true the song's with Radiohead, that's all I know...which isn't much really *lol*

By tam on Wednesday, December 20, 2000 - 12:44 am:

ummmmm who knows

ya i gots icq not that u care or know me!

By Eddy on Wednesday, December 20, 2000 - 10:58 am:

No, I think Cowboy Song was just by Blur. I reckon someone on Napster, by accident, listed the Blur song crediting Radiohead as well. Therefore heaps of peeps downloaded it and believed it was a collaboration. Although I could be wrong.

Get in contact Shaunée you I aint seen you in ages yeah.

By wakey on Wednesday, December 20, 2000 - 12:44 pm:

no i think your right, coz it doesnt sound at all like anything radiohead has ever done.

and my icq number is 96782694, if any1 out there wants a chat, coz most of the people on my list are all boring.

By Butter~Twirrélinova on Thursday, December 21, 2000 - 12:01 am:

(I am not a guitarist.) I like you Eddy. Mebee we should get together, and erm, swap X~Originating IP's sometime... (hur hur) You can tell me all about New Zealand too. I have an Aunt who went there once, but I don't know as much about the funky place as I'd like to.

By Lucky on Thursday, December 21, 2000 - 10:08 am:

Mine's 44517651, I think. No... yes. Yes no yes. Yes it is.

By Eddy on Thursday, December 21, 2000 - 12:55 pm:

Hello Butter. I know the name but I don't know the person. So...... give me your a/s/l.

And I'll tell you about NZ: Full of pricks, long walks home and a strange air that steals your soul slowly. I'm leaving it all in a couple of months.

Funky place?? The only funk found in NZ is on Bootsy Collins records.

But the music is cheap which is good.

Oh, and what's an X~Originating IP??

By Arresting Occifer on Friday, December 22, 2000 - 08:37 am:

HEY BUTTER, back off! You may like Eddy, but I love him. And there is a difference. Oh, wait, hold on a second - are we talking about the same Eddy here? I'm talking about Eddy the New Zealander, is that who you're talking about too?

By Eddy on Friday, December 22, 2000 - 11:10 am:

Oh dear, it has taken me such a long time to be loved here on Coping. Although I sense some sarky bollocks going on.

I love you all. Especially Joe.

And all the hotties.

By Fried~Butter on Saturday, December 23, 2000 - 01:42 am:

Occifer, you have NO MONOPOLY on intense Eddy~admiration! Admittedly, you love him whilst PARADOXICALLY, I merely like him. But I've loved his postings for a lawng, lawng time. There's a difference. Meanwhile Eddy loves all of us, but he's especially partial to Joe and all the "hotties", who ever and where ever they may be. Meantime, I love YOU Occifer! Or not so much love...it's more a pagan feeling...I sense a kindred spirit hiding behind this cruel screen...and, um... (OK, that was going to build up into some pseudo~profundity of a revolutionary nature; in short, it HAD a point! But I've forgotten it. I'm too tired & teed off after an unexpectedly horrific night.)

Oh, but yes, I did mean Eddy from New Zealand.
Speaking of whom, to answer your question, dear Ed ~ girl in late teens (what else?), living in Ostrahyia (as dear Pauline Hanson would pronounce it). Living in, but not being OF ~ this wide brown land.

X~Originating IP is just the same as your computers individual "IP Address". Kinda like DNA for computers, really.

By Fried~Butter on Saturday, December 23, 2000 - 01:50 am:

Oh, and has anyone else noticed the way people here belligerently refuse to include their email address when they post stuff, and then go on to aggressively demand emails from anyone and everyone? I have a couple of regular *LOL*~ers in mind. But I'm not a spiteful person, so no names.

By Eddy on Saturday, December 23, 2000 - 03:41 pm:

I had a wicked night.

Shame you are not a Brit Butter, but at least your a lassy.

Nice.

Merry Xmas, you bunch of pricks.

By Fried~Butter on Saturday, December 23, 2000 - 05:37 pm:

Shame in not being a Brit? I plead not guilty. But I'm not Orstayhian either, Eddy, my dear N~Z King.

Although my accent sounds kind of like a wanky transatlantic Irish hybrid, I am, in point of fact, legally and by birth FRENCH!

J'e taimé! Bon appetité! Or as that poor journo lady announced gleefully to Bjork at the airport, "Welcome to Bangkok!" (does anyone remember that?)

By Arresting Occifer on Tuesday, December 26, 2000 - 08:45 am:

Yeah I remember that. Actually, I just watched an SBS documentary on Bjork a little while ago and they showed that airport scene in gratuitously slow motion quite a few times.

AND OK, OK, OK... When I'm thinking rationally, I realise that you just can't own people - so I really should stop trying to form a Coping monopoly on Intense Eddy Admiration. But it's just so hard, because I admire him, like, so goddamned much!!!!11
I do have a constructive idea though, Butter. Maybe you and I could get together and form an Intense Eddy Admiration duopoly and keep all the others out. Just you and me and a life-size cardboard cut-out of Eddy the New Zealander in suitably skin tight flares, to keep us stupendously warm at night.

MMMmmmmm, I say! Now that's Nice!!!11

By Scamp on Tuesday, December 26, 2000 - 09:36 am:

Man, you can't just take what's not given to you! You may forget your actions but your actions don't forget you! Eddy belongs to the whole world, not just a couple of smug assholes like Occifer and Butter. They did some sick shit in the seventies, and Eddy don't need dat shit: Nor do I.

By Eddy on Tuesday, December 26, 2000 - 01:08 pm:

You must be taking the piss people, c'mon!!

By A Smug Asshole on Tuesday, December 26, 2000 - 03:54 pm:

How dare you! How dare you! How dare you!

Eddy the New Zealander is mine, all mine! I own the life-sized cardboard cut-out complete with sewn on velvet flares and immaculately positioned zucchini, not you!!

He's all MINE, do you hear, MINE!!!

By Lucky on Wednesday, December 27, 2000 - 08:43 am:

You lot just cannot realise how funny you are.

By nittaya on Thursday, December 28, 2000 - 12:06 am:

meh. what's that about the bangkok thing? i really can't comprehend. a french airport? argh. i'm confused. love to all, nat.

By Occifer on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 10:08 am:

Cool it, Luckster. You obviously dont share the same intense bodily lust'n'desire that I do for Eddy the New Zealander, so you just couldnt understand.

By Lucky on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 10:31 am:

Eh? I was being serious... I think you're funny. Yeesh, take a compliment whydontcha.

By sarah on Saturday, January 6, 2001 - 10:19 pm:

i play the piano - classical mainly, very good when you're depressed, all those romantic era composers with that soaring emotion... i like singing as well. god - how many of you play guitar? i'm very impressed. i've just started learning, but also am no graham coxon. i know a lot of chords, but not much else. can anyone assist me with some advice?

By luke on Sunday, January 7, 2001 - 10:27 am:

I'm back.

By Chris on Sunday, January 7, 2001 - 11:16 am:

I play piano too. I found the manuscript for Lot 105 in Goldsmiths' College library, so I play that all the time and annoy the heck out of everyone, especially the second repeat where you have to sing along. Far Out doesn't sound quite so good on piano sadly, and Song 2 sounds a bit oriental for some reason.

By Arresting Occifer on Sunday, January 7, 2001 - 12:23 pm:

I play bass. I guess you could say I am a bass guitarist. And oh, sorry Luckster. And ta.

By Eddy on Sunday, January 7, 2001 - 12:39 pm:

Tosser.

By Arresting Occifer on Sunday, January 7, 2001 - 01:10 pm:

I love you Eddy!

By Arresting Occifer on Sunday, January 7, 2001 - 01:12 pm:

xxx xxx x

By Eddy on Monday, January 8, 2001 - 09:06 am:

yeah, tosser.

By rob on Monday, January 8, 2001 - 02:46 pm:

hmm - i have a tele, and my favourite blur song to play is "for tomorrow" - however, i'm only using this topic to plug my band, speedboat, for which i am the bass player (danelectro longhorn).

check out this mp3:
http://212.74.28.206/mp3/speedboat.mp3

cheers

By The Occifer on Wednesday, January 10, 2001 - 05:55 am:

In case you are interested, Eddy: This morning I woke up with the sun in my eyes and, of course, my first glance was in the direction of your cardboard cut-out complete with velvet flares, which eternally stands in the corner of my room near my full length mirror. Anyway, the zucchini had slipped into what can only be described as HARDLY the most emasculating position - and naturally I was perfectly mortfied! "That's just not right. That's plain wrong!" I bellowed into the morning air. So, in case you are interested, dear NZ King, I leapt from my bed and corrected the direction and latitude of the zucchini in your funky velvet flares. And what a fine, sensuous site it now makes! Long live Eddy's health and vitality - standing to attention like a flagpole!!!11 Nice!!11

By Eddy on Wednesday, January 10, 2001 - 10:54 am:

Haha, and just to think your hatred for me comes from my distaste of Bowie Best Ofs and Universities, Tossifer.

By indigo on Wednesday, January 10, 2001 - 08:13 pm:

I play piano too - I recently bought the music to Parklife, The Great Escape and a selection from MLIR and Leisure. However, about half of them are either impossible to play, or sound like shit. Can you imagine Popscene (played quite slowly and badly) on the fucking piano, which is also out of tune? But Sunday Sunday and For tommorow sound ok.

I just bought "Bowie at the beeb" (yes, a best-of!) which is absolutely, heart breakingly, fan-fucking-tastically brillant. 5 years, andy warhol, starman, changes, queen bitch, all those early ones i can't remember the names of......
awesome! Sorry Eddy, but today I listened to my lovely Bowie CD whiile picking Uni courses - can you ever bear to answer?

By Butter~Twirré on Thursday, January 11, 2001 - 01:11 am:

Eddy is a damned fine, solid example of a New Zealander who knows what he wants and goes after it. He tells it like it is, doesn't beat around the bush, and is never afraid to let us know when someone or something is wrong. He's got a damned lotta common sense. I applaud Eddy for his no-bull stance on everything so many others are wrong about. He pulls no punches. Thank you, Eddy. Don't you ever go changing. Even when you're treading English soil, remember: you're one of New Zealand's favourite sons, honour your promise to uphold the pride & image of Christchurch (tarnished only by the infamous Pauline Parker and Juliet Hulme) and never let go of that promise. Never let go.

By Lucky on Thursday, January 11, 2001 - 07:26 am:

Aaahhh if only my violin strings hadn't snapped...

By Eddy on Thursday, January 11, 2001 - 12:25 pm:

Haha, what's this proud to be a New Zealander bollocks Butter?? What a load of shit, although the rest shines light on the gospel, even though my loud opinion (facts, you know it) ruffle a few feathers like The Tossifer lad.

You are one fine Australian who doesn't mind your Antipodean cousins. Please leave your e-mail addy Butter. Nice One Child.


And Indigo, Bowie Best Of AND University, Christ that's awful.

Although, Bowie At The Beeb isn't technically a Best Of, cos it aint the original recordings, so Bowie At The Beeb is fine, and I really don't mind Bowie Best Ofs, but peeps are just depriving themselves if they don't own the albums yeah. Please leave your e-mail addy Indigo.

And Lucky, that was a brilliant short and sweet piece of wit. I want ask for your e-mail addy, cos your post was too short.

Night

Self indulgent message, over.

By Quintal Hunter on Thursday, January 11, 2001 - 01:49 pm:

What in God's name do you do with all these email addresses, Eddy? Do you work for one of those vile companies that fills my inbox with junk mail?

By Lucky on Friday, January 12, 2001 - 06:43 am:

It's in mah wee green name. An' dun diss it man, Am a poet.

By Butter~Twirré on Friday, January 12, 2001 - 07:00 am:

Just double click on my li'l old name, Eddy, and you'll find my email address there for your usage. I'd love to hear from you. I'm not Australian though. I just live here. Teach me about those Burke & Hare chaps. Love, your Nice One Child.

By Butter~Twirré on Friday, January 12, 2001 - 07:02 am:

P.S Oh, and Scamp! I didn't do any "sick shit" in the seventies. I wasn't even alive in the seventies. Spare me such vile slander!

By Eddy on Friday, January 12, 2001 - 10:10 am:

Haha, No I don't work for a vile company Quintal, fuck I don't even work!!

By indigo on Friday, January 12, 2001 - 06:15 pm:

will my address spark a heated debate? unlikely.

By Lucky on Saturday, January 13, 2001 - 06:05 am:

Awwww...

By Arresting Occifer on Saturday, January 13, 2001 - 06:50 am:

Today I came home from a bout of clothes shopping to find the zucchini all shrivelled and dried up. "NOOOOOO!!" I screamed. I must have screamed it pretty loud because my neighbour, Nancy, came over to see if all was OK. She found me sniffling on the edge of my bed.
"What's up, Officer?" she said.
"Look at Eddy's crotch," I replied. "It's all dry and shrivelled up like a pathetic little prune."
"Yeah," she said. "I can't imagine you getting much rumpy-pumpy out of that. Tragic."
Nancy wasn't cheering me up. I must've looked pretty desperate because she sat down and tried to console me. She ruffled my hair affectionately as she spoke.
"There, there, Officer. It's not the end of the world! There are plenty of other Eddys in the sea!!"
I wasn't convinced.
"You just don't understand. Eddy is one in a million. No, scratch that. He's far more than one in a million. If he was one in a million, that means there would be 3 others in New Zealand. And twenty in Australia. He's far more unique and special than that."
"I agree," said Nancy whimsically. She nodded at the cardboard cut-out in the corner of my room. "Just look at his smile, gleaming like a randy lumberjack! And look at his pants! No one else could wear velour flares like that and get away with it! No one else has an arse like that - I tell you what, if he's not careful SPC will be around trying to can those peaches."
I was smiling and getting into it now. "Yeah, he sure is an exquisite specimin. Look at his hair, all thatched and bohemian. Gorgeous. It frames his face like nothing I've ever seen before. Oh, if only, IF ONLY that zucchini hadn't shrivelled!"
Just then Nancy had a brainwave. "I know!" she shrieked, and began jumping up and down with excitement. "I know, I know, I know!"
I jumped up too, and began hugging her even before I found out what her idea was. "What is it? What's your inspiration, Nancy?!"
Nancy took a moment to have a few slow breaths - she'd been hyperventillating for the last few minutes.
"I've got a gherkin in my salad bowel at home!"
I was taken aback. I could only stammer a reply.
"You'd give it to me? For Eddy's pants? You'd give me your only gherkin?"
Nancy smiled. "Yes, I would. I know how much it means to you, Officer. I know how much you care." Nancy smiled at me as she continued. "And you know what, Officer? You know what?" Nancy began jumping up and down again, and was shortly joined by me. "You know what? Everybody knows that it's not actually the length of the phallus that's important, it's the girth - and let me tell you, this is one girthy gherkin!!"
I couldn't believe my luck. Not only would I have a new vegetable in the front of Eddy's funky velour flares, it'd be a new, rock hard vegetable at that! Oh the fun and frivolity to be had tonight!

By stereopop on Saturday, January 13, 2001 - 01:22 pm:

That was beautiful ... *sniff sniff*

By Eddy on Saturday, January 13, 2001 - 02:55 pm:

I would have read it all, but lack of paragraphing and poor layout prevented me doing it.

In all honesty, that was quite shit Occifer. There was no toilet humour. I would respect you more if you just told it like it was, and use the words "fucking" and "cunt" when trying to get at me.

You, "Fucking" "Cunt".

By indigo on Sunday, January 14, 2001 - 10:28 am:

Have you ever considered a career writing articles for Cosmo?

By Lucky on Sunday, January 14, 2001 - 11:47 am:

Ha Ha.

By Cleo editor on Wednesday, January 17, 2001 - 05:31 am:

Fuck no that bollox isnt coming near my mag. Wheres the paragraphing and layout?

By Hustler editor on Wednesday, January 17, 2001 - 05:33 am:

I'll take it if you make one change...write about the fun and frivolity you had that night instead.
Then and only then.

By Vegetables Monthly Editor on Wednesday, January 17, 2001 - 10:16 pm:

well, we'd love to feature your story. how about "the Girthy Gerkin" as the main title? Your cheques in the post.....

By stereopop on Thursday, January 18, 2001 - 07:05 am:

I'm moving house, abandoning the Internet and basically leaving my entire life behind to start a yellow sand delivery service, so goodbye to you all, with much love and respect...

By the one and only stereopop on Thursday, January 18, 2001 - 11:41 am:

You would have been able to pull off a pretty good impression if it weren't so damn British sounding, cos that's something I've been pondering about for a career change.

And I would never not put the space before a set of ellipses ...

By R~S~P on Friday, January 19, 2001 - 07:43 am:

Oh my word, she even puts the space before a set of ellipses. Even *I* don't bother with that.

Is it wrong that this turns me on?

By Joe on Saturday, January 20, 2001 - 04:26 pm:

What an ellipse?

By stereopop on Saturday, January 20, 2001 - 04:47 pm:

'...' are ellipses.

By Jen on Sunday, January 21, 2001 - 11:32 am:

*bored*

By Lucky on Sunday, January 21, 2001 - 11:39 am:

...

By indigo on Sunday, January 21, 2001 - 05:27 pm:

isn't january the suckiest month?

I was going to write a big long topic on how crap January is (I just got back from working in the shittest shop in a shit little town), but I just remembered that last night I went to see the Offspring at Wembley and they were fucking excellent. Came out deafened and grinning my head off - so happy that my little sister and I ended up talking to these completely random blokes at the station. Possibly due to the fact that some guy behind me had been smoking joints all evening, I wouldn't stop going on about the Kid A t-shirt one of them was wearing, and ended up buying it off his back!

fun night..... (shit I forgot about that darn space infront of the ellipses. sorry!)

By hey? on Monday, March 12, 2001 - 07:43 pm:

Indogoe again. Fuckin hell.

By elisabeth hore on Monday, April 9, 2001 - 01:14 pm:

Blat what a funny topic blat. hello to all the old coping regs, its been a while but hello anyways.

By ZACH+------- on Monday, April 9, 2001 - 08:08 pm:

I play a 1984 les paul custom and a D16 martin.... fac song to play?.....probably beetlebum

By TobyZ on Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 01:14 am:

Zach, I've only got a battered old accoustic guitar with the name worn off it, so I don't know what kind it is.

I had a beautiful Sunburst Fender Strat, but some bastard stole it (along with an amp, two foot pedals, a tuner. . .). My own fault I guess for leaving it at a recording studio.

By ZACH+------------ on Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 03:01 am:

Ahhhgggrrrrr!!! that sucks... I would die if anyone stole my guitars... they are my baby's and i cant live without them...

By Lucky on Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 05:07 pm:

Ack that's horrible Toby. If you ever catch the filth that nicked it, give 'em a good knee in the oochie boochie noochies from the the Luckster, yeah.

By Thomas Williams on Saturday, May 25, 2002 - 07:42 pm:

Yeah!

By Chris on Sunday, May 26, 2002 - 06:56 am:

LOL

By Quintal on Sunday, May 26, 2002 - 07:43 am:

I wonder why this is my favourite topic?

By Lucky on Sunday, May 26, 2002 - 11:21 am:

I cannot BELIEVE I said that...

By Sarki on Sunday, May 26, 2002 - 02:32 pm:

A bit before my time this topic, a good read though!

This Eddy guy seems a bit like a butt of the jokes kinda person! no wonder he left.

By Alan Rickman on Monday, May 27, 2002 - 03:30 pm:

SARKI - DOWN BOY!

By Acerbi on Monday, May 27, 2002 - 03:38 pm:

Vote for Sarki!