If I'm correct, 'The Universal' was released on this day 5 years ago. I just think it's the greatest Blur single and I have very fond schoolday memories of hearing it on the radio whilst watching the snow gently float down outside. Quite magical really. Then they'd play 'Earth Song' and we'd start to vomit.

Ah, happy days...

By Lucky on Tuesday, November 14, 2000 - 11:35 am:

School days aren't happy. Get that horrible thought out of your head RIGHT NOW.


But I suppose I'll wish I were 15 again in a few years' time...

By Joe on Tuesday, November 14, 2000 - 06:10 pm:

Yeah, you will. Anyone want to do my A-Levels for me?

Although perhaps I shouldn't ask that question...I saw a calling card from a London phone box that offered A-Levels, amoungst spanking, watersports and whipping, so....just don't think I'm prepositioning you.

By Big Brett on Tuesday, November 14, 2000 - 09:12 pm:

Ah, fucking happy memories watching the Universal flop and Wonderwall kick ass! I cant believe it woz that long ago. Then the Brits came up and Oasis cleaned up!
Fucking good memories!
Why dont we get that anymore? Noel woz actually being nice on Frank Skinner last night, must be on new drugs

By Dave Hedgehog on Wednesday, November 15, 2000 - 01:41 am:

Time doesn't fly

By Big Brett on Wednesday, November 15, 2000 - 02:07 pm:

Wise words Dave! It fucking doesnt! who thought of that gay phrase? It doesnt fly. It just sort of happens! A bit like me the other weekend with that 40 odd year old prositute! HAHA
Well! Dave is a genius! All raise your glasses to Dave!
even if you cant see without them

By Wellington on Thursday, November 16, 2000 - 04:04 am:

Dave and Brett are right, time doesnt fly. BUT BRETT YOUR HEAD WILL BE FLYING ACCROSS THE ROOM LIKE A FRISBEE IF YOU DONT PISS OFF HOME RIGHT NOW AND SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Goatee or no goatee...it's a promise, not a threat.

By Lucky on Thursday, November 16, 2000 - 05:05 am:

I had half a mind to do a ghastly "Where does Wellington do his shopping?" joke, but I lost that half a few minutes ago. Here brainy brainy brain...

By Joe on Thursday, November 16, 2000 - 09:50 pm:

Where does Wellington do his shopping....?
Well, I asked Jeeves, but he olnly suggested I ask a different question, namely:
"Where can I find the auction site PriceRadar.com?"

Insolent butler! He will get the sack at this rate. I might employ that fellow from the Lambert and Butler advertisements...what's his name? Butler.

By indigo on Thursday, November 16, 2000 - 09:51 pm:

What?!?
hhhmmmmmm - time seems to be flying 4 me - I just started bloody a-levels (no, not Joes sort) and it's fucking Christmas shopping time! aargh! I just worked out that I am going to do an actual A-level exam module in 7 weeks time!

By Joe on Thursday, November 16, 2000 - 09:54 pm:

I also just asked him "Why?" and he gave me a site which proposed a whole load of new questions, namely:

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?

If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?

Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?

Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?

Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?

Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?

If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?

Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

How can someone "draw a blank"?

Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?

Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

What is another word for "thesaurus"?

When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?

Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?

Why do 'tug'boats push their barges?

Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?

Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?

Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?

Does a fish get cramps after eating?

Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"?
Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?

What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?

How can there be "self help GROUPS"?

Why are we afraid of falling? Shouldn't we be afraid of the sudden stop?

Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?

Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?

Now things are really confusing. The quest for meaning in life is just circles getting bigger and bigger like ripples, only without losing kenitic energy, and gradually becoming tidal waves. If someone could bottle it and sell it...then maybe people would buy it...and maybe we'd all be even more confused.

By th on Friday, November 17, 2000 - 12:38 am:

"I also just asked him "Why?" and he gave me a site which proposed a whole load of new questions, namely: "

Well, you asked why....

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Because in the latin routes of this word, it actually does.

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Because americans are idiots.

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Parachutes are too expensive and uneconomical. Though since they have been compulsary, the above foatation devises have not saved a single life and did you know that the minimum requirement for life rafts on an internal usa flight over water would hold 8 people. that is enough room on 2 life rafts for 8 people out of a 747 holding 200+.

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Smoking isn't banned in cars. Idiot.

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
Because the real saying is slim chance and fat chance is the sarcastic deviation from the original.

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
For people with cars who like to drink cola or who are driving others home. Or for taxis.

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Yes, but you don't need one if you are going to shoot someone with only deaf people around. You've see "see no evil, hear no evil" right?


Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
No.

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
As I used to live in the country I know that the guy who drives the snowplow has it ready before he needs it. He watches the weather forecast you know. They're not stupid.

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
Incase it is ever closed for unforseen reasons, like a strike.

If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?
No, the mammery system and the resporaty system are unconnected.

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
a chemical bonding: the valency of steel/teflon is greater then that of the teflon/fat molecules.

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
The cat, being an animate object, would win and land on it's feet.

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
There isn't a reliably proved answer but the accepted theory is that it doesn't matter in the least.

You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
There would only be one place left on the box without an open somewhere else sgn on it so our brains would be conditioned to look for that spot.

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Again, americans are as thick as two short planks.

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
mmm, more american terms....

Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?
Because it is a discription of another word, not the object it describes itself.

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
Incidental coincidence.

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
The plane would be too heavy to take off if it was all made out of the same material. Also the black box is a lot smaller so there is a smaller weight/force ratio when if comes to a sudden halt. If the plane was the size and shape of a black box it wouldn't break but unfortuanly noone would be able to fit inside it and it would never take off.

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Your brain only has a finite compasity for concentration. If you turn the radio down that is one less thing to concentrate on leaving more of your brain to work on your navigation.

If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?
Because it should actually read "the objects are smaller than they would be in a flat mirror so your brain thinks they are closer due to a trick of perspective." Your finger also aprears smaller but not as significantly as a distant motor vehical.

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
Is it?

If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
Either oxygen or hydrogen. Instant water would be either one or the other.

Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
If you look it up the word "set" has the more meanings then any other word in the english language. The word Set conected to TV is just another meaning.

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
Snot runs out your nose. And your feet smell badly becuase of bad hygene.

Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
Slang.

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
Clever but unfunny.

Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
Hebrew routes for both words confused by the original translators of the bible.

Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
You sit up from laying and sit down from standing. The phrases are actually terms for the action rather then the end result.

Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
mmm

Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
American terms again...

Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
Sour is from healthy bacteior whereas the expirory date shows the safe period before the potential buildup of harmful ones.

If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?
Murphy's law is one that isn't based in science but one based on the cynical outlook of irational humans.

Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
Because it does.

How can someone "draw a blank"?
The word draw in this instant means drawing from a hat rather then drawing with a pencil.

Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?
No

Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?
If you're complaining shorten it to abbr.

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Because their radios are in them.

What is another word for "thesaurus"?
Not a single word, no.

When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
Cardboard boxes.

If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
Home is where you live, not your current adress.

Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
It sounds like a bastard to spell, and is one.

Why do 'tug'boats push their barges?
Because they pulled them before they pushed them.

Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
I have never been to a ball game and have never sung that.

Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
What are called stands?

Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
Because if there were two they would also need a monopolies commission of their own.

Does a fish get cramps after eating?
No. The evolutionary process has killed off all the fish that did.

Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Slow up must be american.

Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"?
Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?
No, because a near hit would mean a hit. A near miss means they missed but where near to each other. You're thinking of the phrase "they nearly hit".

What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
Geronimo is dead.

How can there be "self help GROUPS"?
These groups teach you how to help yourself. They are a means to an end.

Why are we afraid of falling? Shouldn't we be afraid of the sudden stop?
Humans are not very longsighted. They concentrate on the imediate problem first, especially in times of fear.

Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?
Both words have the same latin route.

Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?
It comes from "after darkness has fallen".

Well, I hope I've cleared a few things up...

By Lucky on Friday, November 17, 2000 - 09:08 am:

What have I done?

By Lucky on Friday, November 17, 2000 - 09:08 am:

DON'T ANSWER THAT!

By indigo on Friday, November 17, 2000 - 05:52 pm:

th - please tell me you didn't actually spend hours of your life writing that all out! well done though?

By tam on Friday, November 17, 2000 - 08:48 pm:

my gawd!

By Your Gawd on Saturday, November 18, 2000 - 11:40 am:

Yes?

By Joe on Saturday, November 18, 2000 - 11:55 am:

You spelled irrational wrong. Dickhead.

By tam on Saturday, November 18, 2000 - 08:15 pm:

well i was just wunderin why people write so much!

By Your Gawd on Sunday, November 19, 2000 - 11:39 am:

It's quite simple really.

If x were equal to y when square-rooted and then multiplied by 270 00009, the lowest common denominator would blah blah blah...

Okaaaaaay?

By tam on Sunday, November 19, 2000 - 03:41 pm:

cheers gawd...ur smart eh.

By The Lymphatic System here to save the day on Monday, November 20, 2000 - 02:46 am:

Ooh Joe, dont get narky. Its ok, matey. It really is.

By Lucky on Friday, November 24, 2000 - 06:21 am:

Matey? You sound like me, only you can't have been me cos I would've had to have been awake and online at a quarter to 7 in the morning. You aren't me. There, I knew I was clever.

By TobyZ on Sunday, April 8, 2001 - 06:43 am:

Anybody else notice the similarities between the "Universal" video and "A Clockwork Orange"?

By TobyZ on Sunday, April 8, 2001 - 06:45 am:

No! Ha ha, I'm the first one then.

By Wateva on Sunday, April 8, 2001 - 06:46 am:

What are the similarities then?

By TobyZ on Sunday, April 8, 2001 - 06:49 am:

Not likely, ehh?

Just that I saw the movie for the first time a month ago, and tonight was the first time I'd watched the "Uni" vid since, and it was like, "Son of a Bitch, look what they did!"

Sorry. Had a few too many Old Milwaukee's.

Yeah.

By TobyZ on Sunday, April 8, 2001 - 06:50 am:

Whateva, you just want me to make a ramblin fool of meself.

By Wateva on Sunday, April 8, 2001 - 06:51 am:

That was..very precise.
Thanks TobyZ

By TobyZ on Sunday, April 8, 2001 - 06:54 am:

I can't be bothered with your deviousness right now. My bread machine just beeped loudly, so I have a fresh loaf of Hawaiian Sweet Bread to knosh.

By Wateva on Sunday, April 8, 2001 - 06:55 am:

No I don't actually. And it's Wateva.
I just wanted to see what you thought was similar.

By TobyZ on Sunday, April 8, 2001 - 06:57 am:

*knoshing*

I won't be drawn into your web of circular logic.

By TobyZ on Sunday, April 8, 2001 - 07:00 am:

Damn. I've burned myself.

Stupid really hot things.

By Wateva on Sunday, April 8, 2001 - 07:02 am:

Whatever.

By TobyZ on Sunday, April 8, 2001 - 07:15 am:

I've reached the "On Our Own" vid.

What the hell was Damon thinking? I love it, but what the hell was he thinking?

By Lucky on Sunday, April 8, 2001 - 08:01 am:

Yah, the Universal was based on A Clockwork Orange, was it not?

By indigo on Sunday, April 8, 2001 - 10:57 am:

yeah, and I think Damon looks gorgeous with the eyeliner etc. Are you watching the best of video? I watched that last night, but I only got up to For Tomorrow and then I fell asleep, and I dreamt of running round London singing.... Its such a happy video!

By alex on Monday, April 9, 2001 - 05:10 am:

I often run around London singing the same thing.

By TobyZ on Monday, April 9, 2001 - 11:48 am:

Ummmmmmm, don't you live in Pheonix?

By indigo on Monday, April 9, 2001 - 07:13 pm:

that doesn't take away the right to run round London delirious with blur-induced happiness.

By TobyZ on Monday, April 9, 2001 - 11:02 pm:

Ummmm, indigo. . .

By indigo on Tuesday, April 10, 2001 - 02:40 pm:

well, maybe not. I dont care, I dont have to go to school for two weeks because of Easter and I'm going to London on thursday!

By alex on Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 05:26 am:

Yes Toby I do live in Phoenix. Oh! And I'm going to send you that Gorkys album, any bizzare OCD impulses I was having at the time have passed, and your pretty sound(despite that whole Patsy Cline, god incident, but I can overlook, it'll may take me a little while, but hopefully not to long, tell me if your still interested.

By TobyZ on Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 07:33 am:

Yeah, sure. Email me.

Does this mean that they're not on your god list? I'm not sure how your system works yet. hehe

By alex on Wednesday, April 11, 2001 - 11:54 pm:

Sadly no, their are surely no gods of mine.
I've decided Roxy Music are some kind of prophets though. (Minus Eno's solo ambient shit, blah!)

By TobyZ on Thursday, April 12, 2001 - 10:40 am:

Heretic!

By alex on Friday, April 13, 2001 - 03:19 am:

Oh come on, that album Eno did with David Byrne is painful. Its like.."okay yeah, so you figured out how to hit random keys.."
Want to know a great new band(kind of new) Looper! So fucking great, Stuart Campbell's(from Belle and Sebastian) band, good stuff. If you hate B&S, there is a posibility you'll still like this, its not to similar, except that its fun music.