Blurchat and Coping Big Brother 2002

Twelve contestants from blurchat and Coping are to be locked in the Big Brother hoose for 12 weeks.
Cameras are placed all over the hoose so people can see everything that goes on from every part of the house. Sad bastards.
The contestants are as follows, in alphabetical order:

LADS
Dave (Dave Hedgehog)
Lukas
Quintal
Sarki
Sean
Thomas (Thomas Williams)

BIRDS
Ana
Indigo
Karla
Lucky
Mandy
Marion (Cam)

Each week a person is evicted from the Big Brother house. Internal nominations are done between the hoosemates to decide who goes to the dreaded public vote.

WEEK 1

The hoosemates are sent into the hoose to meet eachother for the first time. This early stage is vital in telling who are the most outgoing hoosemates, modern science has enabled us to draw up an "outgoing league table" to give us a rough idea of who said the most words throughout the very first night in the hoose.

1. Indigo (290)
2. Marion (211)
3. Lucky (189)
4. Thomas (187)
5. Karla (174)
6. Quintal (133)
7. Sarki (126)
8. Sean (120)
9. Mandy (119)
10. Ana (117)
11. Dave Hedgehog (10)
12. Lukas (8)

NB: all 187 of Thomas Williams' words were all "Yeah", whilst 1 of Lukas' mere 8 words (12.5%) was actually a rather loud fart which qualified as a word.

Psychologist Dr Fred Cake: "Now! We can see there are two huge divides in the group in their approach to live in the BB house! Dave Hedgehog and Lukas it seems are either very shy or just cant be arsed talking to this bunch of brain doners, only time will tell"

In day 2, the group are still settling in and we already have our first big bust-up in the hoose when Quintal goes ballastic at Dave after discovering he strangely burnt his dick in the toaster. "Ow" muttered Dave in his usual most un-enthusiastic manner, "What the hell! Oh my God! I cant believe you!" screams Quintal, "What were you doing to the toaster? We have to eat toast from there, what on earth are you doing you dirty pig!? That's disgusting! The sooner you get evicted the better because we'll all catch something at this rate, you filthy wanker!" and with that, almost in teers, Quintal runs off to the bedroom for a sulk whilst Dave just shrugs and sits down on the sofa to eat a tangerine whilst the rest of the group stare at him in dis-belief at wat he has just done. Dave just carries on twiddling his thumbs without a care in the world. Strange.

Later that day, tensions mount up whilst the hoosemates are having a serious discussion about pissing the shower. It was rumoured that Mandy pisses in the shower and suffers from mild incontinence, although she strongly denies this. Lukas also denies this and stresses this is because he hasn't had a shower and doesn't plan to have one, Quintal is not happy and bleats, "Well, it's no wonder you stink. You're hygiene manner is appalling! Lets just hope you dont stay too long", Lukas gives Quintal a long hard stare before replying with a muttered in-audible comment supposedly calling Quintal a moaning Oz cunt and some comment about his mother and a rottweiller, don't ask why but it was clear this was a cruel insult.
Quintal starts to turn blue, and Sarki doesn't help causes when he buts in with a gem of an insult of his own directed at Quintal which would be un-printable, and the group bursts out into fits of laughter. Quintal looks like he doesn't know whether to strangle someone, cry or just spontaniously combust. The athosphere could be cut with a knife, but Dave drops a clanger when he speaks for the first time in hours, saying stone-faced "I piss in the shower".
With that, Quintal explodes, and tells all the group he hates them all, especially Dave, who is sick! He then storms out of the sofa-room and into the diary-room for a rant about his fellow hoose-mates.
The rest of that night the group get on much better, and stay up till 3 talking about what a whinger Quintal is, though admitting Dave was out of order in the toaster incident despite his claim that he did it because it was cold.

Day 3, and divisions are being formed in the Big Brother hoose with Indigo and Lucky distancing themselves from the rest of the group. Sarki is also losing popularity with the rest of the group with his constant crude wicked acerbic insults and sometimes violent practical jokes which spam from funny to very annoying though the public do seem to love his mockery of Big Brothers rules. He is called to the diary room several times but refuses to listen to the godly charactor referring to him as "that geordie twat". Sarki ends just day 3 with two strikes to his name, one more and he's out.
A pretty un-eventful day only high-lighted by Lukas doing a deafeningly amazing fart which sends Quintal into another sulk. The public are already starting to hate Quintals moaning ways and is placed as strong favourite to be first to be evicted from the big brother hoose.

This is Big Brother, could you please continue the story, if only for a few words, please do not read, shrug your shoulders, fart then log out, we need contributions, thankyou....
Please continue and please be realistic.

By Big Brother on Sunday, July 21, 2002 - 01:21 am:

Day 3 - 23:45PM, things are quiet. Sean is seen talking to himself in bedroom 2.

This is Big Brother, would Sean Please come to the diary room...

Meanwhile Lukas prepares for a big announcement...

By Quintal on Sunday, July 21, 2002 - 01:48 pm:

Very nice, very nice. I'd give you a round of applause but seeing as though you wont hear it, I cant be bothered.
I hope I dont get voted off first. Some debauchery in the spa would be nice.

By Hard bear on Sunday, July 21, 2002 - 10:22 pm:

How many Big Brother topics do we need?

By Skrooie on Monday, July 22, 2002 - 12:26 am:

*You decide*

By Big Brother on Monday, July 22, 2002 - 07:51 am:

8:02am. Day 4 began with Dave Hedgehog waking the entire house with his moans and screams. When asked what was wrong, Dave said "Penis hurts." Waking up at the mention of the word 'penis', Lucky generously offered to rub moisturiser and sweet smelling lubricants on the injured member, to help speed the recovery. Dave said, "Wouldnt mind that." Although this offer sparked shocked looks from many of the Big Brother household, rumours later suggested that Lucky was merely trying to make Sarki green with envy, as everyone had noticed he was wild for Lucky ever since he entered the house.

9:23am. Quintal held court at the breakfast table, asking all the housemates what type of haircut he should get next. Lukas said he should shave it all off. "Shave it all off as bald as my head. And my pubes." Marion (Cam) suggested a mullet, which produced a faint moan from a few housemembers. Karla was seen to roll her eyes rather rudely. It was at this stage in the conversation that Ana, the only housemember yet to wake up, decided to stroll casually into the main room. Upon hearing the conversation topic, she snapped, "I dont see what hairstyles have to do with a revolution," and marched straight back out again. She was last seen arguing in the diary room with Big Brother, shouting something about how the television show's name and nature didnt agree with her "newfound radical feminist stance."

12 noon. The rest of the morning was non-eventful, until lunchtime when a shock occurence rocked the house. After hearing some strange scratching and banging noises from the backyard, the housemates all rushed outside to see Ikras, sarki's backward, homosexual younger brother being frogmarched by security away from the house. It turns out Ikras had scaled the walls and was making a run at the house when he was intercepted by security. In media interviews later that evening, Ikras muttered something along the lines of "loving Dave" and wanting to "lick his arm" so desperately that he had to try and break into the house. "Seein' Dave Hedgehog on TV so much just made me so hungry wif lust that I couldnt help meself," Ikras said.

4.32pm. The only other notable event came later in the afternoon when Dave Hedgehog pulled out a hidden suitcase of white t-shirts, each emblazoned with a large, disgusting photo of himself and a few words underneath. Grinning contentedly and feeling his newly moisturised penis, Dave offered the t-shirts to the household for 49 quid each. Sarki from the back room was heard to shout "I wouldnt wipe my arse on those t-shirts if you paid me 49 squid!", which caused Quintal to shoot him an evil glance. Lucky and indigo, who had been sitting rebelliously in the corner playing hand clappy games and listening to smuggled-in CD walkmans, threatened to take all of Dave's t-shirts and tie them into a makeshift noose to hang Dave Hedgehog with from the ceiling.

By Big Sister ; on Tuesday, July 23, 2002 - 04:42 am:

Day 5 in the Big Brother House. After the incident involving Sarki's backward younger brother Ikras, all the housemates decided to have a game of hide and seek to sooth the atmosphere. Sarki decided HE should be leader and should decide who should seek, after a huge fight between Sarki and ALL the housemates, they simply did a dip, Sean was to seek, but Ana wasnt too pleased, "WHY CANT A GIRL BE SEEKER??" she moaned. Marion(Cam) agreed and both the girls decided to have a protest in the garden. The others carried on with the game, Sean still as seeker, the housemates hid and Sean found them all except Mandy.

3:21 pm: Sean and all the remaining housemates are still looking for Mandy, Sarki simply suggests to "not bother" but Sean is persistant on finding her.

6:01pm: Ana and Marion are still protesting out in the garden, while the other housemates get ready for dinner. Sean is in the bedroom still puzzling over where Mandy is when he hears a faint snore from underneath him, he lifts up the cover and Mandy is found asleep on the bed.

10:16pm: All the housemates have gone to bed. Ana and Marion are still protesting.

By Anonymous on Tuesday, July 23, 2002 - 05:12 am:

Day 5 in the Big Brother house and all the housemate wake up to a beautiful morning expect for Ana and Marion. Who's protesting left them extremly tired. They ended the arguement with a bet of who could balance a cup of water on thier heads. Neither won.

4:00 All the housemates agree to gather for a fun game of truth or dare. Indigo quickly agree's to go first. "Mwhahah" she says as she spins the bottle with great speed. As it spins Sarki notices he's across from Ana who he disagreed with last night during hide-and-go-seek and to his surprises it lands in between the two of them. With a smug smirk Ana says "Pucker up"! Sarki, while shaking a bit, pecks Ana on the lip in which she takes a small bite of his lip. Sarki is seen moments later kissing the ice in the fridge.

5:00 After the room mates quit their little game of spin the bottle they all have a quiet little lunch which leaves many dishes. As the room mates agrue they fail to see the ants do the job for them. Lucky turns around with a small little scream. "ACK BUGGIES!!" she says. All the room gather to help combat the ants but are over taken and start to itch and throw buckets of water on each. Soon they were left with an even bigger mess.

10:00 After spending the rest of the day cleaning up they all go to bed. Expect for Sarki who places a few ants in Anas socks.

By Anonymous on Tuesday, July 23, 2002 - 05:16 am:

^^^Oops That previous post was meant to be Day 6

By Big Sister on Tuesday, July 23, 2002 - 05:37 am:

Day 7 in the Big Brother house.

7:09am: Luke is the first to wake. He decides to feed the chickens, but while doing so, he manages to slip on some sludgy chicken poop and lands head first in the coup knocking himself unconscious.

11:34am: The rest of the housemates are now awake except for Dave Hedgehog who is still in bed muttering an unknown insane language.
Mandy has decided to make herself the worlds biggest bacon sandwich and struggles to keep the pile up. No one has noticed Luke yet.

2:03pm: Mandy has just finished her bacon sandwich with a little help from Karla.
Sean and Quintal have been in and out of the pool 4 times, and still havent seen Luke laying there.

6:29pm: The housemates have sat down to dinner, they have made themselves pasta with Marion's special sauce. Nobody has yet discovered Luke in the chicken coup and the rooster is now pecking at his nose.

1:34am: The housemates have gone to bed, all except Mandy and Karla who have decided to make themselves another bacon sandwich. They both eat out in the garden then shortly afterwards they go to bed.

4:12am: Luke is still lying unconscious in the chicken coup.

By .... on Tuesday, July 23, 2002 - 06:41 am:

....freaks

By Anonymous on Thursday, July 25, 2002 - 01:42 am:

Day 8 In the Big Brother House

8:10: Luke still lies unconscious in the chicken coup. Some of the chickens decided that Lukes stomach was more comfortable than their regular nest so they decided to squat on Luke and lay their eggs on him.

10:43: The housemates all wake up and go about there own little business. Karla complains that the bacon sandwich from last night will keep her busy in the bathroom, Mandy steadily burps as a sign of that her bacon sandwich was finger licking good, Dave the Hedgehog is seen standing up with his eyes closed while waiting for Karla to be done in the bathroom, and Sean Ana Lucky and Cam are seen watching morning cartoons.

11:02: Karla leaves the bathroom and says, "Boy don't go in there for a couple of days haha". Dave, as foolish as he might be, goes in anyway.

11:43: As Quintal walks into the kitchen he see's Sarki drinking out of the milk carton. "Mate!" he says, "Everyone has to drink from there. Why would you do such a thing!?" Sarki replys "Buuurrrppp there was only a little bit Quinnty pants. Don't get your panties in bunch. Some more will be bought". Quintal decideds to just eat a cracker with peanut butter on it.

3:53: Thomas is seen in the garden making balloon animals for Sean, Ana, Lucky, and Cam.

6:47: Mandy see's a chicken fly out the coop and decides to investigate. As she walks in she notice's Luke sprawled out in the coop with feathers in his hair and chickens sitting on him. She decides to take a picture then shoo away the birds and help him out.

8:00 The housemates gather for a dinner of lobster and chips. Lukas, for some reason, wants chicken.

12:00 They all go to bed.. Except for Ana who puts a worm in Sarki's shirt while he sleeps.

By Big Sister on Thursday, July 25, 2002 - 05:38 am:

Day 9 in the Big Brother House.

6:21am: Sarki is the first awake, as he has been tossing and turning all night due to the worm in his shirt. He goes to see Big Brother.

Sarki - "BIG BROTHER!! I HAVE A WORM IN MY SKIN! SOMEONE PUT IT IN MY SHIRT LAST NIGHT AN ITS BURIED ITSELF IN MY SKIN!!!!!"

Big Bro - "And what would you like Big Brother to do about that Sarki?"

Sarki - "GET IT OUT!!!"

Big Bro - "And, how would you feel if we took the worm out Sarki?"

Sarki - "What!?!? WHAT ARE YOU GOIN ON ABOUT! I JUST WANT THIS WORM OUT!!"

Big Bro - "Big Brother will review your problem and get back to you Sarki.."

In a rage Sarki decides to cut the worm out instead with a knife.

9:15am: Ana and Dave are the only ones still asleep, the other housemates are now helping Sarki control the flow of blood oozing out from his stomach.

9:30am: Big Brother sends Sarki to the Diary Room to see a couple of paramedics, who urgently sort out his condition.

12pm: Dave is still asleep, and Mandy and Karla are writing on his face with toothpaste, he gives a few snorts but carries on sleeping as words of abuse begin to appear on his face.

3:38pm: The housemates are making lunch, they have prepared Ribs in Marions special sauce, and Luke still has a strange craving for chicken.

6:49pm: Big Brother has provided the game Twister for the housemates.
Quintal has appointed himself as the spinner, despite the fact that Ana is ranting and raving about "sexism and the male need to be in charge" while the others place themselves on the mat.
Sean and Lucky have decided not to play and instead have a staring contest in the far corner of the room.

7:26pm: The housemates are playing Twister for the fourth time. Luke, Dave, Sarki and Karla are the only ones left in the game until Luke lets off a big one which evacuates the room, making him winner four times in a row.

10:17pm: Sean and Sarki have made their own punch from a concoction of alcoholic drinks. Thomas Williams response to the drink was "Yeah!" while the others tucked in.

1:59am: Sean and Sarki are the only housemates still awake and still drinking the lethal punch.

4:21am: Sean and Sarki have passed out and are floating face up in the pool.

By Big Cousin on Thursday, July 25, 2002 - 10:56 am:

TELEVISION NEWSFLASH 6PM

IKRAS, Sarki's dimwitted, backwards younger brother, last night declared that he was no longer homosexual.

"I 'ave seen the light, mah frends," Ikras said to a packed press conference.

"Wen I was in da Big Brudder house I saw wif me own two eyes a magnificent sight."

When asked what this magnificent sight was exactly, Ikras spoke with a look of wonder in his eyes.

"I saw Karla's bum, that's what."

Ikras has generated huge interest in the media since his attempted break into the house, apparently to get his lustful hands on Dave Hedgehog.

Karla was last night unable to comment to reporters about the effect her behind has had on Ikras, but rumours have it she will make some reference to the incident when she next speaks in the Diary Room.

Stay tuned for details.